I Am At A Total Loss For What To Do

I have been married for 19 years and we have been having marital problems off and on for the last 5 years or so. Things have recently gotten worse, and we have had 1 session with a counselor. I am really left feeling that even though my husband feels bad about it, that he just really does not want to be married to me anymore. I do not want to be with someone who doesn't want me. I do not want the marriage to end, but I can't make someone love me. When I think about it, I cannot really answer whether I am more afraid of losing him or more afraid of being alone. I definitely am afraid of how a divorce would hurt our kids. My husband is being ambivalent about the long term potential of our marriage, I think he is conflicted. But, I really don't think he will stay. I feel like I am in limbo, I don't know what to do, or where to turn. I don't want to be the one to end things, but I also do not see being able to exist in this state for any length of time. We do not hate each other, I think that we both feel that the other has just moved on. And because this has been going on for so long, I am not sure that these feelings can go away or that there is the energy there to try to make it work, especially on his part. This is a terrible feeling, I feel that I am on the verge of my whole world coming apart. I have no one to talk to because our friends are both of our friends and I cannot put them in that position. I am lonely, and scared, and feel unwanted. I don't seem to be reading any posts from people with similar circumstances. I seem to be totally unable to find a support community. I am completely and totally lost....
lawstudentrn lawstudentrn
41-45
1 Response May 18, 2012

I know exactly how you feel and it comes from many things put together and one of the biggest is starting over at our age. All the little things like moving getting all the things we need in our daily lives changed over and put into our names and doing all of these things plus still working our jobs! It's not easy to just call it quits and move on but it drags you down living without love and once we get that way it is hard to be motivated to get our lives back to being happy again!