I Wish You Understood

I don't know if it is just me being hard to get along with or what, But my husband has a friend that comes over to our house alot. He is a nice guy and will do anything to help us out. I make him feel welcome in my home and he even stays the night quite often. I just had a baby three months ago and I love her more than words could explain, But since she has been born I haven't had much help with her. Not that I really need it. I just exhausted which leads to me being moody somedays. Anyways, When his friend is here he consumes all of my husbands attention and i drives me crazy. They sit there and play video games all night and I am left alone to browse the internet and take care of my baby girl. They leave and he says it's bro time..Umm no he is married with a baby he no longer gets bro time. When they go out I tell my husband to take our baby so I can have a little break and his friend asks why I always dump the baby on them. I guess I just feel like my husband has a better time with his friend than he does with me and his daughter..And it hurts my feelings. I love my husband, I love being with him every moment of the day. When I know it is almost time for him to get home from work I get so excited, I clean up, make dinner and get everything ready for him..And even on nights where his buddy doesn't come home with he he calls and they talk on the phone..I hate being ignored. I want to be withmy family. I want my husband to love me the way he used too. I really don't have any friends. My husband is my best friend. I have talked to him about this and he says he will include me more, But he never does. Maybe I am to emotional and clingy? But that's not how I see it. I see it as I love you, and always want to be with you because I love your company. I mean all I want is to cuddle after he get's home from work. Be acknowledged, appreciated, and loved as much as I give. I guess I may be asking for too much.
deleted deleted
26-30
9 Responses May 19, 2012

I agree with some if the other comments. Your husband is married to you and is a father. Being married is a partnership and he needs to realize that he needs to help and support as much as he can. The same as you should help and support him.

The baby shouldn't be a chore. Before long it will be too late and she won't want to spend time with her parents when she is a teenager. You didn't make her by yourself so he should share the responsibility.

Now I'm not saying he shouldn't go out at all but it should be minimized and your daughter and family should be the primary focus.

My dear young mother.<br />
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No, you are NOT wrong...nor are you asking too much. I hope you do not find this response an attack on your husband, but HE is not living up to HIS responsibilities...as a husband, father, or a MAN! He, apparently, has no idea of the responsibilities of a father and husband. When a couple has a child, video game time ENDS! Period! As far as his buddy coming over most nights, this, too, MUST change. Your husband is a slacker, who has not grown up. What do you think your baby is going to think, when she sees her father failing in his responsibilities.<br />
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I know this sounds harsh, but when your husband arrives home, his responsibility is to take the child, and give you some personal time. If he loved you, he would take his responsibility as a husband, father, and a man, seriously, and YOU and his child would be the number one priority.<br />
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Being a parent is a full-time job...24/7, and the first five to seven years are difficult, and demand both parents attention.<br />
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I am proud of you, and I see the love you have for your new baby...Good for you! <br />
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Sadly, your husband seems too immature to accept the job he signed on to do, and you MUST get tough, and lay down the law, and demand that he become a father and husband.<br />
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My best wishes and good thoughts are with you, nd i will always be available to help, if I can. I raised two girls, and the joy of fatherhood FAR exceeds any thrill of a video game.<br />
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He is acting like a child, and you need to assert yourself, and demand he straighten up. Good Luck

The best thing you can do is to just be honest with him about your feelings. It sounds like you are doing great in that department so far. You need to let him know EXACTLY how you feel when he does what he does, when he neglects you and or the baby, and when he seemingly spends more time with his friend than he does with his family. As someone has already stated, if he truly loves you, he will change his ways. If he sees the pain that you have to endure, he should do something about it. I hope you don't attack him when you raise these issues because he would more than likely go on the defensive and just push back. i don't think you two need to see a counsellor YET. But if you feel that he is having trouble understanding things from your point of view, that may be the best option. Don't leave it too late either (i.e. years) but do allow him some time to grow. Encourage him to do the things that are good for the FAMILY and praise him when he does those things or even tries.<br />
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I wish you the best of luck. Let us know how things go.<br />
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Take care,<br />
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Scorp.

we are all human and we have mental, physical and emotional needs our emotional need makes us more connected to each other more than any thing else . naturally we to want to be desired, loved and cared for . you are not asking for too much .

Like any relationship, this one takes time to grow,If your husband because the game ignore you and the child, is wrong.A person to take care of the children is difficult, because you will feel lonely,Because of this the feeling you tell your husband, let him know.

Well, I think you ought to talk to your husband and set somekind of limit on the amount of time to share his time with someone else.. If he really cares he should listen. I don't think you're being insensitive. Sorry, but things do change for bothe husband and wife, and things we did before are not always the same as before. He needs a wake up moment. Hugs, and hope things improve.

Don't be upset. I'm sure he loves you a lot, but you 2 live together. Do you spend ANY time at all doing something? This sounds like my buddies girl. Just cheer up :). Some people aren't lucky enough to have another person. He treats you good I'm sure?

No, your expectations are right in line with where they should be. It's time for your husband to man up and take care of his part of the responsibility of having a child. He had fun creating it, well now is the time to pay for that.<br />
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If his friends come over more than once a month, it's no longer "bro" time. It's refusing to acknowledge that your married and you have responsibilities. He still wants his bachelor days and a family.<br />
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If all he wants is a live in maid and cook, tell him to start paying for it, and no more friends with benefits. <br />
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You have a right to be treated with love and respect, and so does your daughter. It's all part of the package. <br />
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Tell him you want to start counseling, he needs to find out what it means to be a husband and a father. Fun and games time is last on the priority list. Wife, daughter and family come first. If there is any time left over, then MAYBE he can call the boys for a little fun. And that's a big maybe.<br />
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So sit him down, have a talk with him and set the record straight. If not, things will only get worse as time goes by. You need to nip this in the bud now, before it goes on any longer.<br />
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Good luck.

I don't think things are that bad in this relationship. Yes he needs to accept his responsibilities but he is also young and so is she. He needs to do most of the growing up it seems. But to start saying she needs to confront him about this and that and give ultimatums etc would be counter productive at this stage of their relationship. I don't think he is willfully neglecting his wife, he just doesn't know how to be a good husband. Something he must learn very quickly because that is what he is.

hi. i can relate. there is something about male bonding that i just don't get. when my husband n i first met, we spent every minute together. we were practically inseparable. i got used to it. i let my relationship s go and devoted my time yo him. now things have changed he has changed and i have decided to try and expand my world so it doesn't revolve around him. I'm. not sure how to do it. joining this group is an outcome from that decision. i don't think it will be enough. i think i need to make some actual friends in the area and do things. anybody have an ideas? i think we who are lonely need to get together and stop feeling so blue

Look for opportunities to volunteer, like at a local museum, animal shelter, something you have strong feelings about. You'll meet people who you have something in common with right away and who knows what friendships it might bring.