I Practically Beg For Attention

and i never seem to get it. Everytime i try to talk to him i never seem to get anything out of him. either he gets mad, blows me off, or finds something else more important to pay attention too. that or he falls asleep right away. so many times i have tried to talk to him about me, us, our life, etc. and it is like talking to a wall. almost the entire time i have been married, i dont feel like it all the time. i am at that point right now where i know i am married because i wear a ring, and i know i am with someone because i see him next to me at night,..... but i so not feel like i am with somebody. i dont feel soft kisses from someone (when i try to kiss him,like a peck, all he does is open his mouth and suck in my lips thinking it is funny). he never takes me on dates or around people, we dont do anything together. i dont feel like i have a life partner because he makes me take care of everything. anything regarding our life that requires effort i am always on my own. and i dont like it anymore. when i tell him why cant he make any effort with me on our marriage and our time together. his few responses have been "why do we have to do it by the way you think it is or by how stories say or suggest rather than just let it go day by day and ignore the problems" or "i didnt think marrriage required effort" oh this one was my favorite "i didnt know that when you get married things change and you can hang out with other girls by myself or all of my friends all the time" that one was because i found him telling a girl that quit where he worked that he misses her,and he loved when she was around because she took up his spare time on his breaks becasue he had nobody to talk to or call. so instead of talking to me on his break he was texting her to let the time pass by faster. i told him it wsa nt right and he said hedidnt know he cant tlak to girls like that just bcasue he is married. he will do it with guy friends too...hell...on our honeymoonall he did was talk to his friend from work half of the week rather than be with me. i had to moan and groan for him to stop. i am just so tired of trying to make him acknowledge me and treat me like he does his friends, or at least acknowledge he is with me anyhow.
queenbeeber5 queenbeeber5
26-30, F
7 Responses May 23, 2012

I came across this. I don't know if it applies to you. I don't know if the title is accurate.. It is very interesting... and the advice, is across the board, when dealing with other's that seem to have this type of personality...

http://idealist4ever.com/arguing-with-psychopath/

He knows, he knows what he is doing to you... it's all part of the plan... be careful... find some self respect, reject what is not reasonable. demand respect and turn away from what is not respectful to you... he knows what he is doing.. he is playing with you.... be careful.. if you feel so awful, he has you under his control, to control, to disrespect, which most probably makes him feel like a real man... ha ha.. he may be a man, but he is not a partner to you... take care of your needs, it will not get any better if you do not. it may not get any better if you do, he may continue his ways, but at least you will be well in your mind..... it is okay to have needs, it is okay to stand by your morals and it is okay to stand up and be yourself and live by what you feel, and what you believe in, as long as it is respectful to yourself and to others... branch out, little bit by little bit, and get some validation elsewhere. I don't mean from men, i mean from yourself, but from anyone also, who is willing to genuinely validate you.... you are worthy of kindness and respect and reasonable treatment, by whoever passes through your life.... if they can't see that... don't ask them to, but see it yourself. and stand by it. and turn away from the disrespect.. it is soul destroying. and most likely what is making you depressed. I totally relate. I think a lot of men, they have amazing qualities, but so do women... and no man or women, should accept anything less than respect for who they are.... and no man or no woman, should treat their partner with disrespect... that speaks volumes about them, not you.... stay strong.. do something you will enjoy and try and meet people. little steps.

I'm reading this at 2:00am, as I'm experiencing a similar situation. It causes me 2 wonder, "do Men nowdays not know how to be a Partner in Marriage or do they just not give a rats ***?" Ugh :( Best of luck!

Your story is similar to mine.<br />
I believe my husband loves me but his view on 'love' and mine are very different i am beginging to realise. <br />
I have had to do a lot of emotional growing as a person due to life experiences but i feel when something that would shatter me happens, he can just dust it off and not let it affect him. My husband spent our honeymoon on his phone on fb, and we did a few things together and one night we went out for an amazing dinner but i had to book the place and insist we go! I too have to make the 'romance' happen and never ever in my past relationships have i had a man soo unromantic! But then again the ones that were super intense fizzeled out as soon as they began. So i thought this was a normal relationship, he is very independent which is making me more and more independent and now i'm at the stage where i am wondering what need of mine is he actually fufilling? But marriage doesn't have to be the same to everyone and perhaps you should get out there and meet new people and start living for you! You never know, he may wake up once he realizes you aren't going to sit around and wait for him to be what you need and there are other people out there who can give it to you :) That's kind of the path i am contemplating taking which is sad because i have only been married a month myself. If you need to talk message me, i know what you are going through. Like you i had issues with him flirting with other girls at the start of our relationship, and i was gob smacked because i feel i am worth a mans undivided attention... So i totally get where you are coming from.

i had a friend who would always tell me "you can't get a loaf of bread from the hardware store." It sounds like he can't give you what you need. you have choices. accept the way it is and who he is, or find another way to get your needs met with or without him. i. don't think love or marriage has a one fit all answers. i hope you find what you need.

Try to get out while its still early, Don't do what I did and waste too many years on someone who is not worth it.

Run, don't look back, don't settle for a nitwit.

*clarity*