Until When?

For years, I'd been alone raising my kids though the man that I married helps out financially. He only gives money and I take care of everything.

My son was barely a year old when we left their father and my daughter was a stout toddler. Now both of them sing and dance, rap and purr all over me like kittens. My daughter's head is at my shoulder level and my son knows how to say I love you redundantly.

Yes, it's been like yesterday. As I see it they're ok without a dad whom they don't see everyday. He only visits once or twice a month or whenever he has free time. I don't see myself going out without my little bunch of joys.

I am married but lonely because my kids are growing up without a father. They don't have a complete family. I am not with them everyday because of work.

I am contemplating of accepting the offer from their dad. He wants us to live together again in one roof. For years, he has been convincing me to go back to him with the kids.

I was reluctant because I knew in my heart that I haven't forgiven him yet totally, that I could not trust him anymore, that I don't love him now. He crushed my world, he turned off the light in my Universe. My milky way was so dim that I couldn't see the moon and the stars. I revolve in an endless journey while groping in he dark. Now that I am bouncing back, he saw the light of day, promising the earth and the sky.

I don't believe him.

For the sake of the kids, I am happy with the idea. My heart says no but my kids need a family.
4BlackForest 4BlackForest
36-40, F
3 Responses May 30, 2012

don;t worry , god looks out for women as yourself :) ,just remeber this , what goes around ,:) comes around :) thats alll i;am saying :)

Wishing the best that life has to offer for you and your kids!

Such a double edged sword but I totally understand how you feel.<br />
The kids eventually grow and leave but there is always the argument that having a mum and dad on tap gives a more balanced childhood.<br />
You also have to think of yourself!<br />
Only you can really know how you feel and how you can cope.<br />
I wish you everything you wish yourself ( especially your happiness). xox

thank you...everyone is excited except me. I am used to being myself most of the time. I feel like my privacy and peaceful life will be endangered.

I know you will never feel the trust there and you might feel suffocated. There again fairy takes can happen!

yeah and now what happened?...still had the same cycle. Glad am over it now.
No more cycles, just a straight line to what the future brings.