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Married But Very Lonely.

I have only turned 40 this year. My husband and I have been married for 13 yrs this year together for 16 yrs tho. We have children all boys 18,11,5. Since his work accident and affair with an old school friend from facebook 3 yrs ago, things havent been the same. He has thrown himself into his work and he volunteers in our local community and is in charge. This is a good thing, this is what I love about him his willingness to help others.. but... he has neglected me and the boys for so long. My oldest moved away for work and now its only my 2 young boys. I am so lonely. He is barely at home at all maybe home for dinner 1 night a week and comes home 10pm most nights, and its either work or volunteer and this includes all weekends too. He isnt having an affair he has just himself into work and the community but at the same time losing his family bit by bit. I dont get out much I look after our ADHD/Autism/Aspergus son who is 11 and our 5 yr old. they are my world and come first. I have alot of girl friends and we do do stuff together, but I need more. My husband doesnt even hug me much or kiss me much anymore. The whole intimacy thing just isnt there. I was told by my councillor he is punishing himself for the severe pain he caused me when he left and had the ugly affair as this was not in his nature. It was totally out of character for him. But this isnt helping me. I am blaming myself, I think there must be something wrong with me. We havent been seen in public in our town in 2yrs, that is so true. I am basically a single mum with a border that comes and goes as he pleases.There is no talking to him about this I have tried and all he gets is very angry. Alot of people at work & where he is leader of the group he volunteers for points out, dont you have a home to go to. Alot of them who look up to him didnt even know he was married with kids, one of the members were appalled and thier opinion of him fell. I am not allowed to join his group, he wont let me. He said its best I am not there. I have no one to watch the kids so I can go and meet people. I have to be here for them all the time, i only get a break when they go to school. So I dont get to meet other males and see what its like to have someone pay attention to me. I just want some attention, and I feel when a man does show me that attention I will have to take it and enjoy it. I have so much to offer, and alot of love to give. I feel like to my husband I am an embarrassement... wont be seen with me. I am not bad looking I take care of myself and always well presented, so I dont know. But the loneliness is killing me inside. I do keep busy with a home business and put a smile on everyday. But sometimes you just dont want to smile living this way. I have read the other storys and there alot like mine tell. I just dont know what to do... its hard with kids... Even though the kids have got to the point of saying "why are you home dad" that is sad.. Thanks for letting me vent...
gartergirl gartergirl 36-40, F 4 Responses Jun 16, 2012

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I am sorry your are so starved. Is he avoiding intimacy by being gone? There is no excuse for his absense......
Not your fault.
Tom

Girl, move and move now. Doesn't matter what happens to him. He has made his choices and they have nothing to do w/you or your kids, HIS kids. That counselor shoud be strung up & license ********.. what a crock of crud!! Trust your instincts not your head nor that crack pot. This is a bad example for your children & they deserve better.. YOU deserve better. Don't fixate on the time you don't have to meet men.. God will handle that.. take care of you, if not for you do it for your kids.

Hi,

i am woman in your age group a bit older though. i have two kids away at college and my spouse and i have grown apart over the last 5 yrs. i wonder why i am still there. i own my own business and can take care of myself. we have and have always had a "dutch" marriage. he has stopped paying me any attention, and will at times give me a general compliment about my clothes.

The problem is that I look very, very young for my age and im very fit. i workout 4 days a week with weights. the men, young and old are forever hitting on me and complimenting me, and i love it. i am working soooo hard to resist the advances. i am very attracted to one of the men, who is around my age group at the gym.

All i would really like to get are some personal compliments and attention from my spouse and to be treated like i am special. he had told me once that men and women are attracted to me. heonce made me pay him back for a 100.00 bag he bought me for our valentines day. i was really hurt. Iam no longer in love with him. i am very lonely too, so i know how you must be feeling.

I read your posting and I am a man going through something very similar with my wife, except shes the one that has intimacy problems. I think that i want the same things you want. Id like to talk if your interested.