How To Enter Hell

This is not going to have all I suffered, but its a good effort to share it.

On 2008, on a general life style being alone (relationships in my life never lasted long, due to my personality I think) I took a leap to a new chapter.

Up until then I was working with a fat cheque salary (I am a Software Developer), living in my own flat, a large TV, my Playstation, 3 guitars, 1 Piano, 1 Violin, 1 Trumpet, using all randomly, enjoying life, buying anything coming to my mind, enjoying quite nights watching movies smoking Cohiba Cigars, drinking XXO Cognac.

One night (October 2008), I was suffering heavy drinking, trying to cope with my fathers death that occurred on 2007 (a year before of the time I reference here). I shouted down the TV and felt a cold wave of air coming from the back window of the living room. I felt a little afraid, but mostly it was the felling, and I said to my self “Something is going to change”.

The next day, I subscribed to a dating/marriage site mainly assembling women from ex Soviet Union countries. I got a paid subscription as the free would only allow you to access women over 50 or women with minimal education etc.

I met few women who had obvious goals, mostly young and all never married before. I choose one of them that look more real and kept a regular communication and eventually after a month on November 2008 I went to meet her. She was from Ukraine.

We lived in a horribly old building in Cherkassy region of Ukraine, but the flat itself had suffered such an extended renew that looked like a miracle in garbage. It was fine but I was there for the girl.

The girl herself was a typical girl, not some exciting green eyes blond because I know what I like but I know what looks good next to me, so I am not fooling my self in that extend. She was nice, we had lots of sex and decide to get married.

Well, there are obviously more reasons than sex. I had relationships before that woman and although brief they kept me pretty busy. I worked for 7 years night, in ***** clubs in Athens. I was not the waiter, I was the brother of the owner so that gave me quite few benefits. Surely enjoyed meeting the girls more deeply than the customers, surely I had good times with them and they had good time with me.

I did enjoy meeting people, because people who come to clubs like that are the people you see on the bus, at your work, at the church, on tv, and you just don’t know what they hide inside them. You will never know what a politician, a priest or the teacher of your child goes and do on those places. I am not saying the above social groups are to be blamed, fathers and mothers, regardless their occupation, were coming in our club and I have seen them doing things you would never imagine. And those people were going back home using the same mouth to kiss their babies.

Ok, the night life in ***** clubs is not our subject, but I did mention it briefly because I wanted you to know I have seen things a normal person hasn’t. Unless you think seeing your brother at gun point while you are held from 3 mafia guys with blade under your chin is something you can get while you get to work (which again I keep an open mind about few places in the world).

Anyway, while in Ukraine, I felt so free, so away from my routine. I had no reason to escape but I got this faux feeling when you are on a new place, that this emotion you get from the fresh world scenery can last for ever.

I had hard time to bring my wife to Greece, I did 3 round trips to make the papers. The last day, I had the ticket paid for the same day, woke up at 5am, and went though hell as public services were half alive due to strikes, found my self running in the heaviest rain I ever seen in my life, to get a translation, get a certificate, get a district attorney signature, get a mayor, get my bags and be at the airport at 1pm.

I wish someone had stopped me this day. I wish a met someone on the way, even at the airport and make a crazy decision and fly to France to have wine and sex. Anything to keep me from going back to Ukraine that day.

But I did.

We landed in Greece on December 22 2008. And hell kicked in.

On January 2009 we found out my wife was pregnant. Two days after they fired me from my job. It was a result of 2 months keeping away from the job fro the marriage Decathlon and my nerves broken.

Sometime in April, the wife demanded to bring her mother to Greece. I knew this would happen but I though I could avoid that as her family was to be with strong bonds etc. Little did I know that she (my wife) lied about her family. The person presented to me as father was just a guy who her mother lived with for near 10 years. Let me tell you here her mother (I learned that long after) had been married 1 time (making my wife), the found someone else that did a second baby (my wife’s sister) then found the guy I met, then when I got married with my wife she left him and came to Greece.

Of course I made papers, residence cards and brought the snake in the house. I will not get in details, I will just tell you this woman (the mother of my wife) was and still is serious trouble. She approached everyone I knew to ask money, she stayed in my house for near 3 months doing nothing when I finally kicked her out. She had problems with police, with illegal work, with men trying to get back their money from her, she got twice hurt from people who she owned money. Well, to be honest, this is story on its own.

So while the above were happening, I sent 193 resumes (I had the emails saved to reference the job if I was accepted for an interview) and went to (this is a true number) 56 interviews and only found a job on April to a person who I had to chase to his house to pay me for a months work. This was the time the “official” economic crisis started to kick in, in Greece. Because unofficially it started from 2004 and I can assure you the problems were there from 1994. Nobody would hire a 35 years old programmer, they would not even offer you a small salary, as the economy of Greece was coming down and this industry is the first to know.

Then I (well we) ate all my savings to get through September when the baby arrived and had to ask money from almost everyone on my mobile’s contacts list.

When the baby came I was trying make some money doing some web sites and a couple applications. So one night, when I had nothing else to loose, I start looking for a job in UK.

Wow, they like my work, I passed all test and phone screenings with honours, I went there, meet the people, had some test and I was offered a job. Great isn’t it? Yes it was, because I was 6 months behind paying rent and I was to be on the road.

They gave us a great salary, a relocation pack, paid the tickets for all three of us, the even filled our refrigerator when we arrived and finally gave money to get through the first month. They gave us a chance of a life.

My wife could not adjust. She could not get used to the British Medical system. She was the annoying kind of immigrant who find all great to his own country but live to another.

There were constant fights about her worrying for the baby in a not normal extend. Any sign of fever, or digest problems had to be handled with disgrace about the country, countermeasures of the kind she was not making dinner, or cleaning my clothes, creating conflicts from any possible inspiration.

She soon demanded to bring her mother to England. “Over my dead body”, I said.

Few months went like that, her threading to take the baby and go, my trying to learn the system of my employer, her doing nothing for me and as long as I was in the house she was only on internet letting me do all for the baby, make food for me, clean my clothes, go make any shopping etc. we arrived in UK on February 2010.

In the end, I lost my job due to poor focus and performance. I was noticed my end of contract (I had a probation of 6 months) on June, and the final day I was required to be there was my birthday.

This came out of the blue, they never said something before, only one that I get late in the mornings (10-15 minutes). I was left without a job, in country I hardly knew (being there only 4 months), so I got panic, and we went back to Greece.

The last night in UK will always be the worst night of my life.

We arrive in Greece on July 2010. I had my mother to go live with my brother so we can live in her house. I was trying to get money again from everyone.

After trying to get a job, I could not find nothing, on August I started working nights again, now on a ***** club not of my brother’s, as a bouncer. Got some money from around and my pay and got an apartment.

On October 1st 2010, on a big fight (at work, with some mafia people asking money), I got hit in the dark by a chair on the head, turned fast and snapped off my right foot’s angle. I was in hospital for few days, done an operation installing a metal plate and half dozen screws.

I was left without a job and unable to pay our new flat rent.

They said I would be able to walk in 2 months. I tried doing it earlier. In the mean time my wife was unwilling to take care of me (she did thought because what else could it happen?), but she was threading to left me, talking the baby going to Ukraine or to live with her mother (who now was living in one of the worst regions of Athens).

I suffered in this 2 months period a humiliation. On a hourly basis she was telling me I was useless, a failure, that I had no job, no money to support her, that she wanted to paint her hair, buy new clothes, go out dancing and I was lying on the sofa. Well I had a cast on my fresh operated leg, what the hell I was suppose to do?

On November, we decide we separate, and made a ticket for her and the baby on December 1st, when I should be able to walk (I did start walking from October with the help of those medical supporters – I don’t know the name to that). I made also a ticket for me to UK. I had no job, but I was determined to find.

Few days before they go, I was going to my mothers house where the wife and baby were. It was the first days I could walk with a cane. It was night, I was not shaved, with my hair as a mess. A serious fight had been occurred few hours back with my wife. I have to tell you, as I was walking on the dark street to my mothers house, a mile or so, as the car lights were falling on me, I knew, right there and then, I had hit bottom. This was the less me I ever got. I was nothing, with a broken marriage, with a baby going away from her father in few days, I had not money, no hope, no job, I was a zero.

I will never forget that mile.

I escorted my wife and baby to the airport on December 1st. I had my baby (25 months then) on my arms, she was sleeping. I knew it will be long to see her, it was rough. I kissed her on the mouth when she went beyond passport control. After that I don’t remember anything about that day.

And I did. I had an interview from a very well known global retailer. I went there with a cane. When in the building of the interview, I had the cane folded and hidden to my hand bag. I could not risk to loose the job to that.

I go the job and started on January. I stayed to my mothers house in the meantime. It was a contract to end on April 2011.

I was a bit outside of London, in a cold weather, renting a room in the house of a couple. Anytime I was calling to learn for the baby my wife was always busy, I lost my babies first steps, first words, just saw her for few seconds over skype. To be honest, I think she eventually forgot me. I could see her on skype running behind my wife when the latter was asking for more money. I was sending in almost all I had, because in the process I had to pay all the bills left behind the last time we were in UK and if I didn’t I would have not been able to get a house again.

It was cold, it was long and I remember that winter every time I listen to the song “Fade to Black - Metallica” because I use to listen that song EVERYDAY I was there, away from my daughter.

The contract ended, and I went to Ukraine to see my daughter and perform the baptism ritual. There my wife said she still wanted to be with me. I will not go in details, I think you know enough now to connect few things together.

I was to find a new job in UK. It took time though. I had to go to Greece also to replace my passport. I didn’t need that to travel to UK but mostly to be able to travel to Ukraine.

Being summer and all, I had no luck with anything on interviews from UK. I got some phone screenings but when they wanted to see me the ticked for a single way was so expensive that I could not afford it and nobody was paying for that.

Waiting I write two screenplays on a friends request (I didn’t mention that, I am a published writer –only one- and screenplay writer –sold none- had a year of studies as a Cinematographer in a cinema academy).

While all these were happening, few moths ago my brother moved to a Greek island and suggested we start a business there together. We decided to open a computer store. I was told by him it would be a great job there and the market had openings for something like that.

My brother had some funds aside and with that we managed to move there, open the store and bring my wife and baby there. We were living in a summer studio with a rent of 200 euro ($150).

The store didn’t go well, the money were gone and I had not to pay the rent or my brother to buy gas for his motorbike. On top of that I found my name with some 4000 euro tax for the new bussines.

From all the scenes I live there, I will never forget I was on the door of this pitiful studio, crying, for not having money to pay the rent and soon to feed the baby.

I got a call from someone on January 2012, it was an agent from UK. He said a company wanted what I was. I said I can not do anything if they don’t pay 2000 GBP, aprox $3000 to go there. He said “No way they will do that, but take the test”.

I did the test and they gave me all, plus no need for interview. They were excited, me also. I had only 30 euro in my pocket and a week after I would have no money to buy milk for my daughter.

On the end of January I arrived in UK.

I managed to bring my wife and baby here again. The deal (yes this is deal, it’s the kind “it was business doing pleasure with you”), is to make her a residence card here so MY BABY will have a better future in this life, in this country.

So now I wait for her to get the papers, find a job and go to her own place. I will be seeing my daughter on weekends and I am fine with that.

But I will be honest. I am not the man use to be. I had a failed marriage, a baby will see her father on weekends as I did with my father. I have still a metal plate on my leg because I didn’t have insurance or money to pay to get it off. I sold ALL my belongings to survive 4 horrible years. But worst of all is, after being with a person like my wife (I never said that so far, she is 12 years younger), I am convinced I am a failure, a useless old guy that nobody wants as she say still. And you know, propaganda is a simple, big lie, that you keep saying it and eventually they believe it.

I do believe, I somehow I am not going to smile again. I have been so lonely that EVERY woman I see on the road is beautiful. I start to miss a touch, a hug, a kiss, sex, as if it is bad to touch, or kiss, or have sex. I think of it as something distant, illegal.

I am broken, I know that. I just need to be alone now, but with all my concerns settles somehow, as to build confidence to move on.

But I somehow doubt it.

Welcome to hell.
AxelVanHorn AxelVanHorn
3 Responses Jun 21, 2012

well, I didnt becaus working with Soviet union girls I like them. I do regret that, there is a Greek saying "Shoe from your country and doesn matter if its repaired".<br />
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I was wrong, I take the blame, man is responsible for himself and his family. I regret this mistake for my daughter who will not have a better family than mine. Actualy, at elast my parent were loved, I never saw them havinf not one fight. My father was around always when I or my mother needed something. My mother never said one bad word about my father. In the family of my wife, her mother, speak with the worst possible way about my wifes foathr, her sister father an the other men she ever had. I am sure, my wife will do the same.<br />
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On a recent conversation we had about the upcoming divorce, she asked £700 (near $1000) child support. And when I said first the baby will not need as much, second I will have her from Fridays to Monday, (this is like 1/3 of year) and finaly the legal figure is around £300, she said "after all you are a bad man".<br />
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well, I will never let my daughter miss anything. But I will not give that horrible person my hard earned money to send to her bad mother. When i was in UK and them in Ukraine, the money i was sending she was spening for changing color to her hrair every odd week, buying clothes she threw away afte a couple of times and many more that I need hours to write here.<br />
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I am not forgeting my daughter, I would prefer to die today, go drink every day until I die, because this world means not much to me anymore. But I cant do that, only for one reason, my daughter. I cant give her such a legacy.

p.s. She never managed to learn English or Greek, hence impossible to get a job. We speak Enlgish from the day we met and still she is unble to comunicate properly with anyone in UK, certainly none in Greek. She have many theories of how she can make money, or how easy it si for her to work but somehow 4 years (ok i take out the pregnancy) she did do nothing.

On being lazy? I never saw my house clean after she came in to live with me. I have never seen anyone so dirty in my life. When i went to ukraine after my Uk contract, the house smelled **** everywhere and the baby was wearing clothes that had pee who know how long ago. The same goes for the matress of the bed they were sleeping. The clothes of the baby were stuffed in the cupboards also dirty.

Here I dont let her do that, but that requires cosntant fights about clean envorment in the house.

Words, can not desribe what I am talking about. The most vivid imagination, would never make up stories I lived with that woman. I am sorry, I can not pass this experience properly to you, so you feel, fear and think more than I did getting a woman the way I did, without thinking or getting to know her first.

I don't know how it works in the UK but if she is as bad as you say you should take her to court and get full custody of your kid and don't pay her a dime.

I can't take care of her alone. She is love the baby and the baby love her. She is lazy and dirty, but she love the baby. What I worry is to select a good partner because her mother spread legs to anyone, I am afraid she will not do the same. If she get involved with a person I do not approve for my daughter then I will take the baby.

Why didn't you find someone from around where you lived? you went though a hell of a lot of crap to be with a woman who sounds lazy, ungrateful and useless... Why couldn't she get a job and help with bills?

Oh MY!