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Should There Be Something Special ?

I don't ask for too much from what can be offered.

My marriage is purely a facade of few simple beautiful things.

But inside, there is always the hunger for true companioship between married couples. I long for a good conversation. Something that would add up to spice an endowing curiosity. A conversation that would feed one's innerself for the never ending thirst for a communication. I long for a good adviser who can give me pieces of good stuff about parenthood/children. About their psychological/emotional and physical growth. How they are becoming to be emotional. I long for a man in the family to really act as the man in the house. I long for someone who can give me chance to fullfil and dream, never doubt, but instead support for advancement. I long for someone who can enthrust his trust even without others approval. I need someone who can teach me of things I should know, without criticisms. I long for someone I can laugh with, pass around jokes and fill the gaps when things become empty. I need someone who can be good with my children, someone who'd understand the nature of a child. That whenever things goes wrong, acts as the mediator, the father, the counsellor, a friend and a confidant to my kids. Someone who'd help me rear a brighter and fun loving son and daughter. 

Before, my family goes out for a trip, or a vacation much often. And more often than not during our way home, for some unseen or foreseen reasons arguments would pop in no matter how. It ends up wether in cold silence, heated arguments. My husband would blame everyone except himself. Either way, I hate when it happens every time we go out. So I avoid going out with him. I bring my kids anywhere, in behalf of him. A fight and argument is just what I don't need for my kids seeing while enjoying outdoor.

I needed the genuine laughter. The warmth of a man who would lead his family, support his wife. Apt to throwing in few words with open mind without seeing every thing as a threat, or reason to be suspicious. I long for a real gentle man. Not only to make us look acceptable as people in the neighborhood, not only for others to give us respect, gather praise from close relatives. But also a gentle man/father who is capable of nurturing, building a real healthy family and husband and wife relationship, in front of my growing children.
ladyryan ladyryan 41-45, F 55 Responses Jul 20, 2012

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It's hard isn't it? To live the lie that everyone sees. I always hear "Oh you guys are so perfect together" etc, etc. I just want to scream the truth at them. I feel like our marriage is a lie and we're only together because the outside world thinks we should be. I wish I had a solution for you, because then I'd have one for me too.

If it were only that easy. Too many people stay together for all the wrong reasons. Good luck to both of you ladies....

I agree with you im in same situation only difference is we sleep in same bed but apart its a king size bed and never are you togather

do wish you would add me

I'm sorry but I don't add for now. But I interact via PMs.

thanks for your reply ill pm you if you don't mind after I read some more of your wonderful stories

You're welcome and thanks for reading.^^

1 More Response

Kind of hits close to home.

wish I could make you happy

sometimes, just a simple hug or a light k
iss on the cheek is all that anyone needs from the other partner. words don't always have to be spoken----sometimes all it takes is a look with love in your eyes.

Add a response...

Sorry, didn't know about this till now. Hope you're doing fine.

I am the same way I don't ask for much just romance, love, and affection. My spouse don't do anything with me no holding hands no kiss just because no touching unless he wants sex don't do anything together don't go anywhere together I'm literally dying inside for affection I'm so lonely and in need of this i don't know what else to do and no conversation he talks to everybody else but not me I need some help very soon

I'm sorry for your situation. I hope things turn out alright for you in the end. I really do.

I am do there. I asked for a divorce or separation or an open marriage. I like her, I love her, I am not in love with her. I have been neglected too long. I am done.

Smiles at Flirtwithme** Thanks for sharing yours in here.

We share the same house and bed but there is no love, no contact. It is just an existence, probably for both of us.

Oh yes, same with me here, we just try to make it all civil.
*smiles* Thanks Smokey.

We hide it well, I'm sure non of our friends know.

That's terrible to hear. I think a couple should be able to enjoy each others company and share their passions. Unfortunately it seems like some lose that passion, and love. In my opinion they should move on before hate sets in. Sometimes the love can be rekindled but it takes both to make it happen. I know that some people will disagree with me, but that's why it's only an opinion. I can only hope that you can find a solution that works for you both and the children too. You need to be happy with your life. Good luck dear lady......

I must say I agreeing to you that passion or love should be there to both to make it happen. But I think it won't happen. I don't sit whining, neither go on resenting the father of my children. I make things life easier for my kids while I'm around, while they need me. And then I can only be happy. taking back the love is not in my dictionary. WE both know we live only for the kids. And he knows, and I know, that it's the children that keeps me being at home. Otherwise, I'd be out. But my kids are growing and I'm preparing them while seeing the disadvantage in my decisions. Thank you for the kind words, Harley.

You are quite welcome. I hope that you and the children are doing as well as can be expected. Take care.....

I wrote in July last year, am saddened to see there is no change for you as yet. You are a wonderful woman M'Lady, hopefully you will find the right one in time.
Bless you

Oh, thanks for reminding me Fred. Nothing's has changed except I'm gone more matured than last year since I posted this. I became less irritated and I only focus on my kids welfare. My Home isn't perfect, but it's the best I can give them, and I believe my kids needs me more than I need my own happiness for now.

Baby,
I really feel for you.
I'm a much older married guy in Uk. If you haven't found what you are looking for, I'm always willing to chat, if it would be any help at all.
why not have a look at my profile and, if you like what you read, msg me.
Peter xx

Oh my! Been searching for the link where I saw your comment.
Finally found this thread. Thank you Peter for the kindness.^^

Has the situation been resolved?

Therealplaya. . . situation hasn't been resolved. But if being quiet and minding each other's business counts, then it is. But we talk about matters concerning our kids. That's all we have to talk about.

Damn girl I couldnt have said it better! My 10 yr marriage used to be a joke, then it became deadly, now its so damn draining. Hell i want to be alone and hate everyone. At least i wont feel like such a fool.

Good luck to you also Msblind1.

You have all these expectations from a man, but what are you willing to offer in return as a woman? It goes both ways.

Agreed, it goes both ways. I know.^^

We married 12-27-1963 and we had a few great years until she was killed in Viet Nam at age 19. and i miss tat silly kid so much

You said it so well. I am 62 and have been married for a long time. It once was a good marriage although I did not really have anyone to talk to the way I like to talk about stuff. He does not talk much and when he does it's just about boring trivial stuff. I like to talk about where the universe ends, why are we here, what happens when we die, is there really a Bigfoot and on and on. I settled and I have learned now in the twilight of my life, no one should ever settle. Life is far too short.

Thank you for sharing them here, Shelley. Glad to know someone who shares the same sentiments.^^

try to contact me i will fulfull your needs.

We-e-e-e!!

hallo. sorry about the situation. i hope God changes it sometime and you be happy with your better half because you deserve it nomatter the past. marriages are hard so i hope this helps www.cbn.com/family/marriage/

so sweet in words as salt in meal

aah. . . nice. . . Thanks Skrc4u.^^

Have you tried one ?

Tell me where.

Now I remember why your Avi look familiar. We shared circle before.
Sorry, but I'm not answering your questions. But thank you for reading.

it sounds like you are looking for a mentor.

Do I. . .? =))
btw, your avatar looks familiar to me. How are you doing?

Word for word how I feel in my own relationship, I feel u completely!

Thank you for the kind thoughts.

YOU ARE MOST WELCOME

I think this s wonderfully written and that there are many of us with the same exact hunger..thanks for sharing a part of your heart with us..

Thanks for reading lady.^^ Appreciated.

Hi. I hope you firure out your happiest path soon and have the courage to take it

Thanks Dhata for the kind words.^^

ladyryan, your story is moving, and your longing aches my heart and wishes you can have what you are looking for. I hope you can work mutually with your husband to realize what you are seeking. But please also remember the limitation of mere humans. A single human being may not have the breadth to be everything and give everything that is asked of. Your husband may be some but not all of the following: good father, good partner, dependable, funny, kind, handsome, healthy, fit, sharp dresser, sexy, empathetic, good talker, good listener, skilled sexually, rich, sharing, ...

My point is, if he excels in many but not all attributes, maybe the others that he falls short on could be worked on by you both. Also, to round out things you cannot get (enough of) from him such as friendship, conversation, attention, laughter, you should make friendships. Your friends can provide some of these. If you are in a sexless marriage, you can look for sex outside of marriage. There is nothing wrong in getting what you are missing from outside. If your marriage provides you with most but not all, don't break it, just get it from friends and lovers.

I live in a sexless marriage. We do not have sexual intimacy and friendship anymore. But it is a good marriage in other ways. So I look for that with my friends and lovers. Peace.

I can surely agree to everything you said and proposed Raisenthor. I won't go against anything you've written. We're not capable of all the things we desire as much as others are not always willing to extend hand when they have their own limitations and weaknesses. I've accepted that all from my husband, it's just that sometimes it irritates me. Haha

Well written. You have a story to tell. One that many of us would love to read...to know that we are not alone. Longing for more does not equate to ungratefulness or selfishness it simply implies that more should come from the promises made long ago. Thank you for sharing.

You're mostly welcome Marry4love. Sharing my thoughts has helped a lot. And thankful people like you can take time to share in their thoughts. I really don't share much of this negative side of my life, since it is how it is. But always happy when I can find the words to relate. Likewise thanks.

Nicely written. This pretty much sums up how I feel in my own marriage.

Thanks Bob. Can you guess how many years I have been summing up those words in my life? Fourteen years.Finally it was written. Thanks for the thumbs up.^^

Ladyran, I'm in the same boat for the same amount of time. It sucks, but it 's how it is.

dear lovely sometimes things don't go the way we expect but don't let anything get you down you are to gorgeous and have to much to offer to the world so don't lose your smile for nothing or no one kisses eddie

Eddie. . . I wonder what happened to the puctuation marks. he he jk Thanks reading and for you kind words.

u r a big gal

Thanks for reading.^^

My heart goes out to you and i can imagine what you have beautifully portrayed.
After my not so good marriage i have lived alone for 30 yrs. Was too scared to take
another chance but now am convinced its a bigger curse to live alone. So when I said you are a big girl, i meant its all in the package. You cannot change people.