Should There Be Something Special ?I don't ask for too much from what can be offered.
My marriage is purely a facade of few simple beautiful things.
But inside, there is always the hunger for true companioship between married couples. I long for a good conversation. Something that would add up to spice an endowing curiosity. A conversation that would feed one's innerself for the never ending thirst for a communication. I long for a good adviser who can give me pieces of good stuff about parenthood/children. About their psychological/emotional and physical growth. How they are becoming to be emotional. I long for a man in the family to really act as the man in the house. I long for someone who can give me chance to fullfil and dream, never doubt, but instead support for advancement. I long for someone who can enthrust his trust even without others approval. I need someone who can teach me of things I should know, without criticisms. I long for someone I can laugh with, pass around jokes and fill the gaps when things become empty. I need someone who can be good with my children, someone who'd understand the nature of a child. That whenever things goes wrong, acts as the mediator, the father, the counsellor, a friend and a confidant to my kids. Someone who'd help me rear a brighter and fun loving son and daughter.
Before, my family goes out for a trip, or a vacation much often. And more often than not during our way home, for some unseen or foreseen reasons arguments would pop in no matter how. It ends up wether in cold silence, heated arguments. My husband would blame everyone except himself. Either way, I hate when it happens every time we go out. So I avoid going out with him. I bring my kids anywhere, in behalf of him. A fight and argument is just what I don't need for my kids seeing while enjoying outdoor.
I needed the genuine laughter. The warmth of a man who would lead his family, support his wife. Apt to throwing in few words with open mind without seeing every thing as a threat, or reason to be suspicious. I long for a real gentle man. Not only to make us look acceptable as people in the neighborhood, not only for others to give us respect, gather praise from close relatives. But also a gentle man/father who is capable of nurturing, building a real healthy family and husband and wife relationship, in front of my growing children.
So much had been changed, happened since I posted this fact of me. Relationship hasn't improved for the best but I can tell things between my husband has simply became a quiet and plain stagnant. But we seldom fight, at least we've learnt how to avoid each other. Children are now starting to understand the hopeless marriage. They become more independent day by day as I gradually explain how to be flexible with our lifestyle. And time teaches me that he, my husband, needs me and I can be a friend to him if he needed one.