Going Through The Motions

I have been unhappily married for so many years now but I have made my choices at this time. I am still in this marriage because I have chosen to stay with my kids. Even if people say that it's a wrong reason, I still think that my kids' interest will always be above my own. Much as I want to kick my husband out of the house, I did not do it because I also think my kids are better off growing up with a father by their side.

But it has been really lonely being in this kind of situation. There is so much feelings that I want to express and share but I do not have anyone to do it with. Although I still care for my husband as the father of the kids, I have concluded that he will just remain to be that, in my eyes.

I miss being able to connect with someone physically and emotionally. I crave for physical intimacy - good sex, the works. I want to feel the excitement again, the one which makes me smile when I wake up in the morning and before I go to sleep. I long to be able to bare my soul to someone while I feel assured and accepted.

Going through the motions is what I have been doing for the past years. It has really been lonely for so long and it seems like forever.
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10 Responses Aug 3, 2012

All.of your needs are normal, we all want comfort, pleasure, emotional and physical release.and contentment, romance and companionship, laughter and joy, i hope you find it.

My situation's still the same. Life has not changed much for me. But yes i'm on the verge of becoming independent. I'm taking on a job. I give my marriage upto this year end. If he does not change then i'm quitting this marriage. I want my selfrespect back. I want to be loved in the same way that i give love. unconditionally.

I felt as you do. Our marriage was over but I never wanted it to end for Megan's sake. We got on well so Megan never suffered. I was happy to live in limbo for her sake, however my wife wasn't prepared to put our daughter first. I wanted my daughter to grow up in a family environment, not come from a broken home. But I also look on it this way. Would I want Megan to live in an unhappy marriage? No I wouldn't. I always try to look for a positive and so I look on it this way, maybe we are at least showing Megan that even if she is a mother she can get out of an unhappy marriage. As long as we are both there for her and so she doesn't suffer, then she can see that if she has a child, that child can still have a good life if she needs to get out of a marriage.

I understand.my wife of 38yearsis the same as your husband.im staying for my 11yo daughter...its very lonely but I rely on my fzith and church family

I totally understand..Same situation just about here...

I so understand. Keep strong the end will final arrive and you will be free and a better person for it.

I Crave for Understanding<br />
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I've been married for so long. I worked, managed the house. I supported my husband and his family for so long. But today I'm jobless. For the sake of my kids i chose to stay at home. It's very difficult raising twins. But the only one person i can trust will understand what i;m going through does not understand me. He complaints, shouts, disrespects me. I'm no better than a doormat in my home (his home, i dont feel like this is my home anymore). Cleanliness and orderliness is so important to me but he does not mind and my house has been in a mess created by him for almost as long as i can remember. I dont invite friends over anymore. I'm too ashamed to do so. I call him the Taliban. I have no freedom to do anything i like as long as he is home. <br />
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I want to just finish off this marriage, but for my kids sake i'm pulling along. I just want to be acknowledged, loved, hugged, gifted, supported. But no. it does not happen. <br />
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I want to understand is this what other women also go through in a marriage? If there is anyone of u who is going through this kind of a situation, how r u coping with it?

Thank u Ladybug. I'm new here. so your suggestion must help. I'll try.

It is not an easy place to be. As a Mother, your first job is to protect and provide for your children .. sometimes the choices we make to ensure our children's happiness, mean that we sacrifice some, or lots, of our own. You can't see or predict the future, all you can do is make the decisions that feel right to you now and hope that in the future you will reap the rewards of hard choices made now.

I agree with missSass also. I do have a couple questions and concerns though. I'm a very lucky man, was brought up by wonderful parents, taught me right from wrong, how to act like a gentleman, and how to treat a lady. Not meaning to get too personal but, is he abusive at all. Not just physically, but verbally also? Verbal abuse is almost as bad as physical. Has the bedroom just fizzled out, or you not find each other attractive? Is there any addictions, drug, alcohol, or is he a cheater. Lastly, is he a good man do the most part, and you both have just drifted apart, and fell out of love? I'm sorry if I've asked too much. If you don't wish to answer, just say it's none of my business. I will understand.

I also commend you. I'm quite sure your kids know. If you're really that sad, that depressed, you're not living. You need to talk to your kids, how old are they? Try to make them understand, you want out. You need to be you, and be happy. Depression is not easy, I just spent the last eight days caring about nothing. I wasn't living either, just going through the motions. I need a girl, you need to leave. Being happy is hard...

I'm fine, just something I've dealt with for a long time. I do want a girl though... A fat girl

You are to be highly commended.I do understand,it's one of the most difficult things anyone will ever face.