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Going Through The Motions

I have been unhappily married for so many years now but I have made my choices at this time. I am still in this marriage because I have chosen to stay with my kids. Even if people say that it's a wrong reason, I still think that my kids' interest will always be above my own. Much as I want to kick my husband out of the house, I did not do it because I also think my kids are better off growing up with a father by their side.

But it has been really lonely being in this kind of situation. There is so much feelings that I want to express and share but I do not have anyone to do it with. Although I still care for my husband as the father of the kids, I have concluded that he will just remain to be that, in my eyes.

I miss being able to connect with someone physically and emotionally. I crave for physical intimacy - good sex, the works. I want to feel the excitement again, the one which makes me smile when I wake up in the morning and before I go to sleep. I long to be able to bare my soul to someone while I feel assured and accepted.

Going through the motions is what I have been doing for the past years. It has really been lonely for so long and it seems like forever.
ladybug1234 ladybug1234 51-55, F 12 Responses Aug 3, 2012

Your Response


All.of your needs are normal, we all want comfort, pleasure, emotional and physical release.and contentment, romance and companionship, laughter and joy, i hope you find it.

Thank you!

I know how you feel im in same situation

i understand looking at the positive aspect of him being in your children's life, I also looked at this first.

But what are the consequence's for your children if he DOES stay in your life?

How will this affect them in their future? Our experience's aren't just memories, they become part of all our action's, the way we think, make decisions- our entire perspective on ourselves & the world around us are affected by what we experience.

Could you be stronger without him?

On a neurological level our children are learning everything we do/don't do. They will learn from you and how you love yourself, and how the two of you love each other. They will take this into every single human being they meet, they mimic what we both are. Our children will not know any different but what they see from us.

We are the one's that teach them how to love.

Thank you for your comment. :) I acknowledge that all the points that you have raised are very valid points. Quite honestly I think and worry about how my experience as they witness every day will affect their choice of a life partner and how they will cope with their marital problems, in the future. In subtle ways, I have been trying to influence them to make good choices or else cope best with bad choices. I can only hope that they learn positively from my experience.

My situation's still the same. Life has not changed much for me. But yes i'm on the verge of becoming independent. I'm taking on a job. I give my marriage upto this year end. If he does not change then i'm quitting this marriage. I want my selfrespect back. I want to be loved in the same way that i give love. unconditionally.

Aww.I am so sorry to hear that things have not changed. As I have read in most of the posts here, it's rare that things change for the better. I am happy though that you are taking on a job. That is certainly a very big leap as far as making progress is concerned. I understand why you want to quit your marriage. Best of luck to you! :)

I felt as you do. Our marriage was over but I never wanted it to end for Megan's sake. We got on well so Megan never suffered. I was happy to live in limbo for her sake, however my wife wasn't prepared to put our daughter first. I wanted my daughter to grow up in a family environment, not come from a broken home. But I also look on it this way. Would I want Megan to live in an unhappy marriage? No I wouldn't. I always try to look for a positive and so I look on it this way, maybe we are at least showing Megan that even if she is a mother she can get out of an unhappy marriage. As long as we are both there for her and so she doesn't suffer, then she can see that if she has a child, that child can still have a good life if she needs to get out of a marriage.

I wife of 38yearsis the same as your staying for my 11yo daughter...its very lonely but I rely on my fzith and church family

It's good that you have a support system. It helps a lot to carry you through the situation, right? Let's keep our head up high. :)

I totally understand..Same situation just about here...

Glad to know that you understand. :) Would you like to share your story too?

I so understand. Keep strong the end will final arrive and you will be free and a better person for it.

Thanks for the words of encouragement, jharr. :)

I Crave for Understanding<br />
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I've been married for so long. I worked, managed the house. I supported my husband and his family for so long. But today I'm jobless. For the sake of my kids i chose to stay at home. It's very difficult raising twins. But the only one person i can trust will understand what i;m going through does not understand me. He complaints, shouts, disrespects me. I'm no better than a doormat in my home (his home, i dont feel like this is my home anymore). Cleanliness and orderliness is so important to me but he does not mind and my house has been in a mess created by him for almost as long as i can remember. I dont invite friends over anymore. I'm too ashamed to do so. I call him the Taliban. I have no freedom to do anything i like as long as he is home. <br />
<br />
I want to just finish off this marriage, but for my kids sake i'm pulling along. I just want to be acknowledged, loved, hugged, gifted, supported. But no. it does not happen. <br />
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I want to understand is this what other women also go through in a marriage? If there is anyone of u who is going through this kind of a situation, how r u coping with it?

I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. Our situation is kind of different. What we have in common is the love for our children as the source of our strength to carry on. You are one admirable woman.

I suggest that you put your story again under the group you joined or another group and not just as a comment here. In that way, the others who share the same experience can properly answer your question. I am sure there will be a lot who can give you substantial advise about your situation.

Stay strong. :)

Thank u Ladybug. I'm new here. so your suggestion must help. I'll try.

It is not an easy place to be. As a Mother, your first job is to protect and provide for your children .. sometimes the choices we make to ensure our children's happiness, mean that we sacrifice some, or lots, of our own. You can't see or predict the future, all you can do is make the decisions that feel right to you now and hope that in the future you will reap the rewards of hard choices made now.

I agree with you MissSass. Thanks for your comment.

I agree with missSass also. I do have a couple questions and concerns though. I'm a very lucky man, was brought up by wonderful parents, taught me right from wrong, how to act like a gentleman, and how to treat a lady. Not meaning to get too personal but, is he abusive at all. Not just physically, but verbally also? Verbal abuse is almost as bad as physical. Has the bedroom just fizzled out, or you not find each other attractive? Is there any addictions, drug, alcohol, or is he a cheater. Lastly, is he a good man do the most part, and you both have just drifted apart, and fell out of love? I'm sorry if I've asked too much. If you don't wish to answer, just say it's none of my business. I will understand.

I have written several stories about my reasons for being unhappy, foremost among which is that I have lost trust in his ability to take care of this family. He is lacking in ambition and lazy, I guess you can put it that way. And the list goes on and on. I don't mind being asked, no worries.

I also commend you. I'm quite sure your kids know. If you're really that sad, that depressed, you're not living. You need to talk to your kids, how old are they? Try to make them understand, you want out. You need to be you, and be happy. Depression is not easy, I just spent the last eight days caring about nothing. I wasn't living either, just going through the motions. I need a girl, you need to leave. Being happy is hard...

Yes they know. I have actually told my 18 and 15 year old that I will get out when my youngest (11) gets older. And they understood. :)

Why? What's going on with you, fatsearcher?

I'm fine, just something I've dealt with for a long time. I do want a girl though... A fat girl

You are to be highly commended.I do understand,it's one of the most difficult things anyone will ever face.

Thanks for understanding Waymor. If it were not for my kids I would have left a long time ago. But I do feel down every so often but I just have to cope.