I Live In A Marriage Where My Husband Complains About Supporting Me Financially

I have a question for you all.... Who is suppose to be the main supporter in a marriage? My husband constantly complains cause I dont have a job and I dont help with finances... I have health issues and work limitations and it is hard for me to find work yet everytime we get into an argument over money he yells.. He also has contol over the finances he has control over everything what we eat where we go.. Sometimes I wonder if this is a marriage or an imprisonment. I have been in this controlled relationship for 20 yrs so I dont know any other way of life. I am limited as far as resources go so I couldn leave if I wanted to... I love him and he is my best friend but sometimes I think he is just resenting me and wanting to get out but dont wanna be the bad guy to everyone else not to mention he would have to pay alimony and God forbid he has to support me anymore than he does... I really need some advice.. If there is anyone who knows what I am going through please please let me know....

tamikens tamikens
41-45, F
3 Responses Aug 4, 2012

one thing you have to consider with your disability - will you be able to support yourself? i got no alimony when i left my ex-husband. get your ducks in a row with getting a disability income and housing and stuff before you do leave him. i'm disabled and can't work, but i have always worked before. when you ask who is supposed to be the main supporter in a marriage, i don't think it comes down to man or woman, but who has the credentials, capacity and health to be that provider.

Thanks notplayinbytherules,

I am in the process of trying to get disability and when I ment who is suppose to support in a marriage I ment just that... I would love to be able to support my family and allow my husband to take time off and do what he wants but my health just wont let me. I feel so guilty all the time and when he throws it in my face at times when we argue it makes me feel worthless as a person and especially as a wife. I do all the work at home cookin... cleanin etc. I have to do it at my own pace and it might not be perfect but my home is clean. I just wish he wouldnt resent me so much it makes it hard to believe he still loves me and not just feels he has to be here.

i've been remarried for a year and went immediately into a bipolar fit (him insisting i come of medication didn't help) and then recovered from that only to develop a neuromuscular disorder. We talk about finances, I am contributing with unemployment at the moment, but he's very willingly working 60 hours a week to minimize anything we have to pay for but the house and groceries and he's the breadwinner for our kids made by another man. He doesn't complain I don't work. But, he is very picky about how the house is kept. He fusses about the kids. Like you, I already feel guilty enough that I can't do those things anymore. I feel guilty being sick. We got into it Monday, like we had a come to Jesus moment because neither of us take criticism well and take things personally we shouldn't so neither of us says anything about what bothers us about the other and we got it all out monday. He mentioned some things about me (how I drag up old things when we fight - most women do) and I said I would like to change that, I'm not sure if I can and I told him I can't keep his house perfect and he said he would try to live with that. I've found if everybody can put their defensiveness aside (which we are learning to do) you can get some real communication done and maybe understand each other. We're picking at the tip of the iceberg of communication - got a ways to go. I am sorry for what yo go through trying to please him, I understand how it is <3


I only wish my husband would be the same way and try to communicate without bein so offensive. I try to tell him most husbands would want to communicate with their wives and try to come to an understanding and I then get accused of "trying to change him" which he then replies he refuses to be told what to do.

hippee85,<br />
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It is so hard at times I feel like giving up. If it wasnt for my faith and the fact that it is against my religion I would have ended my life a long time ago God knows I take enough medication that would do the trick. We have a 19 yr old daughter together and she is starting to act just like him. She disrespects me all the time and it hurts. I gave my life for my 2 children so they didnt have to grow up with a baby sitter and this is the thanks I get. It just sends you deeper into a depression. I just keep prayin God will send me release whether it be out of this life or out of my situation.

Oh my I have just joined this site,feels like its fated I am married but have been with my husband eleven years married for seven not twenty and have similar problems and two young children, how do u cope, I love him and like u he's my best friend too.