Running On EmptyI have been married for 13 years. I have loved my wife and children. The children were from another marriage but I raised and love them as nothing but my own flesh and blood. I take great pride in my career but if it came between my family's needs, I always put my family first. I have told my wife every day that she was beautiful and that I loved her. I write her love notes and poems. I work full time but help clean the home and enjoy cooking dinner almost nightly. Birthdays, Valentines Day and anniversary are never forgotten, no matter if I am home or half way across the world. She tells me how jealous her friends are and how they wish they had a husband like me, and how luckey she is.
I am not ugly or out of shape but my wife makes love to me maybe twice a month. We have gone 3 months without sex and I don't think it bothered her. It has been over four years since she has worn anything sexy for me. She tells me that she loves me and wants me but I don't feel it or see it. She will meet me at the door some days and kiss me and tell me she missed me and loves me but if I try to be intimate I get turned away. I ask her why, and she says I just don't understand.
For the first time being deployed to this empty desert, I don't miss her. I don't long to be home. I don't want anything from that life that I live back in the states. I miss my children and email them at their colleges, but not my wife. I feel nothing but emptiness. I don't know if I can do anything to fix things. I see my life slipping away and all I want it someone to love, laugh with, make love to till the sun comes up and then go have pancakes with them. I want every day to just be fun no matter what we do because being with the other person is what completes you. I want to always have my hands on the person I am with. to kiss and hold then always. I want to laugh and weather the years together with someone special. I could be happy doing anything, anywhere as long as I have someone willing to make me feel wanted, special and loved.
I feel like I am running on empty and maybe it is time time separate. Maybe it is time to try and find love again. Has anyone been at this point? Do you have any advise? Any inputs would be appreciated.