Running On Empty

I have been married for 13 years. I have loved my wife and children. The children were from another marriage but I raised and love them as nothing but my own flesh and blood. I take great pride in my career but if it came between my family's needs, I always put my family first. I have told my wife every day that she was beautiful and that I loved her. I write her love notes and poems. I work full time but help clean the home and enjoy cooking dinner almost nightly. Birthdays, Valentines Day and anniversary are never forgotten, no matter if I am home or half way across the world. She tells me how jealous her friends are and how they wish they had a husband like me, and how luckey she is.
I am not ugly or out of shape but my wife makes love to me maybe twice a month. We have gone 3 months without sex and I don't think it bothered her. It has been over four years since she has worn anything sexy for me. She tells me that she loves me and wants me but I don't feel it or see it. She will meet me at the door some days and kiss me and tell me she missed me and loves me but if I try to be intimate I get turned away. I ask her why, and she says I just don't understand.
For the first time being deployed to this empty desert, I don't miss her. I don't long to be home. I don't want anything from that life that I live back in the states. I miss my children and email them at their colleges, but not my wife. I feel nothing but emptiness. I don't know if I can do anything to fix things. I see my life slipping away and all I want it someone to love, laugh with, make love to till the sun comes up and then go have pancakes with them. I want every day to just be fun no matter what we do because being with the other person is what completes you. I want to always have my hands on the person I am with. to kiss and hold then always. I want to laugh and weather the years together with someone special. I could be happy doing anything, anywhere as long as I have someone willing to make me feel wanted, special and loved.
I feel like I am running on empty and maybe it is time time separate. Maybe it is time to try and find love again. Has anyone been at this point? Do you have any advise? Any inputs would be appreciated.
Warbroker Warbroker
41-45, M
4 Responses Aug 10, 2012

Sounds like you're both not getting your needs mey. Not that you aren't trying ... maybe her needs/wants/desires are different than you think they are. You've grown up and in different directions over the years. If you're going to make it work, a lot more time, effort and energy will have to be put in. Maybe even therapy. If shes just not that into you anymore, you have some pretty tough questions to ask youself. What can you accept, what are you able to live with/without. If she isn't providing you enough of what you truly need, if you move on it doesnt mean you loved her any less, or that she doesn't hold some form of deep love for you. It may just be more platonic than passionate ba<x>sed. And that can suck if it is the reality.

Yes I have brought it up and she would cry and tell me how things were going to change. Things would get better for a little while and then go back to the way they were. I love my children and couldn't leave them with her and their biological father is a HUGE a$$hole. I stayed and hoped things would just get better and tried raising my kids the best I could.

Sounds like u r a Really great guy and want and deserve more than she is willing to give. I am in a similar situation except my husband is the one who is not responsive to me. My children have recently left and I feel like there is nothing left but a shell. Very tough decision, have you ever discussed separating with her?

ugh so sorry to hear, im looking at your age year though not exact, and I'm wondering if she might be the same age? She could be going through the change of life. I'm not there yet myself but I have 7 older sisters and lots of girlfriends that have been thru this same thing. Has she gainded weight, maybe she for herself doesn't feel attractive. Does she exercise because that can move mountains for people who may be depressed. I'm sure im telling you things you have already heard. Sometimes in a long relationship, WE JUST NEED TO SPICE THINGS UP A BIT. The things that use to do it for us early on may need to be changed up a bit. Perhaps a weekend away, or couples massage for some pampering for both of you. <br />
Wish you the best, just know I have many friends going thru the same situation, you are not alone. But I can tell you that my parents have us 10 children and life was rough but they are still happily married after 55 years!

We are both 43 but the downward slope started 10 years ago. I've tried to whisk her away for a private weekend but she says she doesn’t feel good or has things to do.