Post

The Lonely Wives Club Band

I am the young age of twenty five, been married for barely a year and already feel the sting of loneliness from being deprived of passion. (Not to gloat or seem cocky in anyway but the next part is an important part of why I feel so neglected...) I'm a fairly attractive woman and even all of my husband's friends say (till this day) they couldn't believe he got me to marry him, I consider myself a good wife, I'm well liked among our peers and I have a lot to offer other than looks... yet my husband has spent most of his days on his xbox when he's not working. I've talked it over with him on several occasions, at first it was just me complaining slightly but I still gave into his "hobby", I bought him expensive turtle beach headphones, gone with him to midnight releases of pre-bought games and so on. But now, we've gone on so long this way that I no longer plead or beg, instead I feel so distant from him.

I honestly think I'm falling out of love with him. We haven't had sex in three months because well, I just don't want to. I'm not purposely trying to hold back to punish him, I just really lost all my drive. I used to be a very sexual person and now I have no urge. I don't even like it when he touches my hand or anything.

He wakes up just in time to go to work (he works four days a week, pretty long hours) and when he gets home he plays video games. Then on his days off, he plays video games until four-five in the morning. He constantly forgets things that I ask him to do (which is barely anything). He doesn't plan anything romantic for me, take me out on dates or just over all TRY and be romantic or make me feel special.

I'm too young to feel this way and no matter how much I point it out to him or threaten to leave it only pushes him away more. I honestly don't think he cares. He says he does but truthfully it just frustrates him. He's a good guy, he's kind, he doesn't drink or do drugs, he's not a partier nor does he cheat... sure, those are all wonderful things but when I feel like a roommate (except for when he wants sex) it really makes me cold and bitter.

I don't know what to do.
MRSlonelyheartsclub MRSlonelyheartsclub 22-25, F 29 Responses Nov 10, 2012

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I understand. My husband has an alcohol and weight problem. He only wants to drink and do his hobbies. We've been married for 10 yrs and it doesn't get better. Even though I live my own life and have separate hobbies and friends I realize that being single is better than being in a bad relationship. We haven't had sex in 1.5 years and I have no desire to have anything to do with him. I know my only choice is to leave which is hard to do. It is better to move on now than to wait because it doesn't get easier. You'll be fine and you really don't need him. Don't make the same mistakes I have made.

Would you be willing to talk to me about this situation? Hoping we may be able to help each other in our situations. I can not inbox or add you as a friend. so it would have to come from you.

You need a good Friend. Probably, from opposite sex. There are many lonely people like us everywhere. We need find such people & spend time together.

I am so sorry for your loneliness. I do understand it. To say it sucks is not enough. But I feel as though your husband has thrown in the towel. A marriage takes two. It is not a one player game. Do you and get that degree, the career and divorce.

Life is about choices and what you want to do. Please look in the mirror and see this. I wish I would have left my wife long time ago but I didn't. I was busy with my career and didn't focus on what I wanted. I am older but I have so much fun with younger women, yes 20 years younger. I don't always look for sex but it just seems to happen when we get to know each other and I do things that I like to do that young males don't. I can look at flowing river, walk the bike path, sit and look at people walk by. There is much more out there. (Sorry that my profile isn't more, but I don't want people to know who I am)

Why don't you type out this article and give it to him. Give it to him when he is off or lay it by his video game where he can see it. And see what he says. Or if you don't like that how about you ask him to go out. Or tell him you like to go out more and ask him why is it he plays nothing but video games and only time he spends with you is for sex.

he sounds depressed and addicted to video games to avoid feelings.

I feel as if I had wrote this myself, and makes me realize that If I dont do anything soon my fiance will soon be my husband who still pays more attention to the Xbox than me. I just dont understand how men are like that, dont you think they would grow up and put the xbox down? keep your head up girl

relationships are hard to keep going

I wrote this post and its difficult to respond to everyone with an update. I haven't been active in quite some time but I hope that people read this, (i might even copy and paste it to everyone's comment) I want to thank everyone who too the time to comment on this, I reread what I wrote and the words weren't enough to describe the loneliness. I haven't been logged on in a long time and Ive tried to keep myself busy.

First off, I really did try talking to him without a fight or anything. I calmly explained my unhappiness and what can be done to fix it. I've cried, I've begged, pleaded and even said I would leave but it doesn't do anything. One of the conditions I said would help is if he limited his game playing, I said he should unplug that xbox of his at least for a day or two to start with just to show me he cares... he still has yet to do that.

I finally said, I want a divorce (which I don't know what to do if we get Divorced, I have no money of my own, I invested everything I had in this marriage) and he said fine with no fight.

I even went on a couple of dates not too long ago, which he knew about. We didn't touch, kiss or have sex, except for a hug goodbye... I just went on a date to feel like someone actually wants to spend time with me. I stopped seeing the guy after 2 dates because I felt awful, like I was leading him on even though he knew about my marital situation. I could never cheat (physically) I realized that. But it was just nice to have a guy listen to me for longer than 2 minutes and like my company.

We haven't had sex since early september and it pains me to think that Ive lost all drive and want for it. I don't even like it when anyone touches me, hugs me or what not. I really think I've gone crazy...

Sad to say, Im waiting things out till I graduate and get a good/stable career. The reasons for staying right now have nothing to do with love. They have to do with money, our families and friends... I realize I need to do what will make me happy and it might take a long time and right now I'm too scared. But the time will come.

Just get yourself together with your career and get out of there. He does not care. You explained to him.whats wrong and he still acts like he doesnt care?. Its definitely best to leave..

Your writing is like a mirror image to mine! Lack of contact lack of passion a a stupid computer! Loneliness doesn't cut it n even worse wen people say h can do better or I can't believe u r together x

I wrote this post and its difficult to respond to everyone. I haven't been active in quite some time but I hope that people read this, (i might even copy and paste it to everyone's comment) I want to thank everyone who too the time to comment on this, I reread what I wrote and the words weren't enough to describe the loneliness. I haven't been logged on in a long time and Ive tried to keep myself busy.

First off, I really did try talking to him without a fight or anything. I calmly explained my unhappiness and what can be done to fix it. I've cried, I've begged, pleaded and even said I would leave but it doesn't do anything. One of the conditions I said would help is if he limited his game playing, I said he should unplug that xbox of his at least for a day or two to start with just to show me he cares... he still has yet to do that.

I finally said, I want a divorce (which I don't know what to do if we get Divorced, I have no money of my own, I invested everything I had in this marriage) and he said fine with no fight.

I even went on a couple of dates not too long ago, which he knew about. We didn't touch, kiss or have sex, except for a hug goodbye... I just went on a date to feel like someone actually wants to spend time with me. I stopped seeing the guy after 2 dates because I felt awful, like I was leading him on even though he knew about my marital situation. I could never cheat (physically) I realized that. But it was just nice to have a guy listen to me for longer than 2 minutes and like my company.

We haven't had sex since early september and it pains me to think that Ive lost all drive and want for it. I don't even like it when anyone touches me, hugs me or what not. I really think I've gone crazy...

Sad to say, Im waiting things out till I graduate and get a good/stable career. The reasons for staying right now have nothing to do with love. They have to do with money, our families and friends... I realize I need to do what will make me happy and it might take a long time and right now I'm too scared. But the time will come.

I know how you feel; I have been with my husband for 20 years and married about 16 years. As you were saying it starts out simply and gets worse. It does not change nor does it get better. My spouse is very similar to yours. No cheating a good man a hard worker, no complaints there. But I have resented almost hated my husband for years for his dismissive ways, no passion, no romance no tenderness, Sex is a chore when it happens every 2 months. I am a very sexual person as well now my sex drive is dead. you really need to weigh your options on what you really need to make your life satisfying and happy. don't do what I did and am still doing 20 years later. Because now I am just an angry unfulfilled woman who's stuck four kids later. And yes he has not changed. You have to decide "is it worth it".

I wrote this post and its difficult to respond to everyone. I haven't been active in quite some time but I hope that people read this, (i might even copy and paste it to everyone's comment) I want to thank everyone who too the time to comment on this, I reread what I wrote and the words weren't enough to describe the loneliness. I haven't been logged on in a long time and Ive tried to keep myself busy.

First off, I really did try talking to him without a fight or anything. I calmly explained my unhappiness and what can be done to fix it. I've cried, I've begged, pleaded and even said I would leave but it doesn't do anything. One of the conditions I said would help is if he limited his game playing, I said he should unplug that xbox of his at least for a day or two to start with just to show me he cares... he still has yet to do that.

I finally said, I want a divorce (which I don't know what to do if we get Divorced, I have no money of my own, I invested everything I had in this marriage) and he said fine with no fight.

I even went on a couple of dates not too long ago, which he knew about. We didn't touch, kiss or have sex, except for a hug goodbye... I just went on a date to feel like someone actually wants to spend time with me. I stopped seeing the guy after 2 dates because I felt awful, like I was leading him on even though he knew about my marital situation. I could never cheat (physically) I realized that. But it was just nice to have a guy listen to me for longer than 2 minutes and like my company.

We haven't had sex since early september and it pains me to think that Ive lost all drive and want for it. I don't even like it when anyone touches me, hugs me or what not. I really think I've gone crazy...

Sad to say, Im waiting things out till I graduate and get a good/stable career. The reasons for staying right now have nothing to do with love. They have to do with money, our families and friends... I realize I need to do what will make me happy and it might take a long time and right now I'm too scared. But the time will come.

You husband is addicted to video games. He has found a place that does not require effort or real human interaction. Normally people you age have sex three or four times a week - but this is a symptom of the fact that the real human interaction has been lost between the two of you. Sex just does not happen on its own.... your best sex organ is your brain. Your husband's brain is not involved in your marriage. It has nothing to do with your looks etc. He is sleep deprived because he plays games all night long. You need to re-engage his brain in your common goals, dreams, wants, desires. You need to discourage his video game playing in a non-confrontational manner. Buying him cards for further video play is the worst thing you can do. I would recommend limiting his game activities to one night a week for 1 - 2 hours. Plan other activities that the two of you can get involved in... anything ..playing cards with friends, visitng others..anything but his solo playing of video games.
And concentrate on communicating with each other. good luck

I wrote this post and its difficult to respond to everyone. I haven't been active in quite some time but I hope that people read this, (i might even copy and paste it to everyone's comment) I want to thank everyone who too the time to comment on this, I reread what I wrote and the words weren't enough to describe the loneliness. I haven't been logged on in a long time and Ive tried to keep myself busy.

First off, I really did try talking to him without a fight or anything. I calmly explained my unhappiness and what can be done to fix it. I've cried, I've begged, pleaded and even said I would leave but it doesn't do anything. One of the conditions I said would help is if he limited his game playing, I said he should unplug that xbox of his at least for a day or two to start with just to show me he cares... he still has yet to do that.

I finally said, I want a divorce (which I don't know what to do if we get Divorced, I have no money of my own, I invested everything I had in this marriage) and he said fine with no fight.

I even went on a couple of dates not too long ago, which he knew about. We didn't touch, kiss or have sex, except for a hug goodbye... I just went on a date to feel like someone actually wants to spend time with me. I stopped seeing the guy after 2 dates because I felt awful, like I was leading him on even though he knew about my marital situation. I could never cheat (physically) I realized that. But it was just nice to have a guy listen to me for longer than 2 minutes and like my company.

We haven't had sex since early september and it pains me to think that Ive lost all drive and want for it. I don't even like it when anyone touches me, hugs me or what not. I really think I've gone crazy...

Sad to say, Im waiting things out till I graduate and get a good/stable career. The reasons for staying right now have nothing to do with love. They have to do with money, our families and friends... I realize I need to do what will make me happy and it might take a long time and right now I'm too scared. But the time will come.

This is iisaiah. You really do not have a marriage. Marriage is a voluntary commitment. One is not suppose to make a contract and then break it in fact. Your true intentions are to be discussed fully with your partner. It this is not done, exit stage left. I have been there more than once. Most times they have someone else, a man, woman, or both. You may email me here or at my address absalom1954@gmail.com

I wrote this post and its difficult to respond to everyone. I haven't been active in quite some time but I hope that people read this, (i might even copy and paste it to everyone's comment) I want to thank everyone who too the time to comment on this, I reread what I wrote and the words weren't enough to describe the loneliness. I haven't been logged on in a long time and Ive tried to keep myself busy.

First off, I really did try talking to him without a fight or anything. I calmly explained my unhappiness and what can be done to fix it. I've cried, I've begged, pleaded and even said I would leave but it doesn't do anything. One of the conditions I said would help is if he limited his game playing, I said he should unplug that xbox of his at least for a day or two to start with just to show me he cares... he still has yet to do that.

I finally said, I want a divorce (which I don't know what to do if we get Divorced, I have no money of my own, I invested everything I had in this marriage) and he said fine with no fight.

I even went on a couple of dates not too long ago, which he knew about. We didn't touch, kiss or have sex, except for a hug goodbye... I just went on a date to feel like someone actually wants to spend time with me. I stopped seeing the guy after 2 dates because I felt awful, like I was leading him on even though he knew about my marital situation. I could never cheat (physically) I realized that. But it was just nice to have a guy listen to me for longer than 2 minutes and like my company.

We haven't had sex since early september and it pains me to think that Ive lost all drive and want for it. I don't even like it when anyone touches me, hugs me or what not. I really think I've gone crazy...

Sad to say, Im waiting things out till I graduate and get a good/stable career. The reasons for staying right now have nothing to do with love. They have to do with money, our families and friends... I realize I need to do what will make me happy and it might take a long time and right now I'm too scared. But the time will come.

I'm 29, married for SEVEN years and feel the same. :-/. I don't know if you'll read this, but I'm there with you. Life is a trip, and Idont know why life gives us the passionless spouses we have... I'm goin crazy, just wishing I had a love life again, rather than a roommate... I wish the best for you girl. You sound amazing, and someday, it'll be great, u gotta believe that

Hello there .... I'm new here joined Xmas day after being in tears! With the realisation that I don't know how I'm going to cope... Frustrated in everyway, with a marriage that's only on paper with no one to talk toxx

I wrote this post and its difficult to respond to everyone. I haven't been active in quite some time but I hope that people read this, (i might even copy and paste it to everyone's comment) I want to thank everyone who too the time to comment on this, I reread what I wrote and the words weren't enough to describe the loneliness. I haven't been logged on in a long time and Ive tried to keep myself busy.

First off, I really did try talking to him without a fight or anything. I calmly explained my unhappiness and what can be done to fix it. I've cried, I've begged, pleaded and even said I would leave but it doesn't do anything. One of the conditions I said would help is if he limited his game playing, I said he should unplug that xbox of his at least for a day or two to start with just to show me he cares... he still has yet to do that.

I finally said, I want a divorce (which I don't know what to do if we get Divorced, I have no money of my own, I invested everything I had in this marriage) and he said fine with no fight.

I even went on a couple of dates not too long ago, which he knew about. We didn't touch, kiss or have sex, except for a hug goodbye... I just went on a date to feel like someone actually wants to spend time with me. I stopped seeing the guy after 2 dates because I felt awful, like I was leading him on even though he knew about my marital situation. I could never cheat (physically) I realized that. But it was just nice to have a guy listen to me for longer than 2 minutes and like my company.

We haven't had sex since early september and it pains me to think that Ive lost all drive and want for it. I don't even like it when anyone touches me, hugs me or what not. I really think I've gone crazy...

Sad to say, Im waiting things out till I graduate and get a good/stable career. The reasons for staying right now have nothing to do with love. They have to do with money, our families and friends... I realize I need to do what will make me happy and it might take a long time and right now I'm too scared. But the time will come.

I am 29 and I have been married for almost 2 years and I am to dealing with the same thing. I love my husband but I don't feel that hot passionate way I used to. We have 2 children and I feel worthless alot. He rarely shows much interest in me anymore. It sucks!

I wrote this post and its difficult to respond to everyone. I haven't been active in quite some time but I hope that people read this, (i might even copy and paste it to everyone's comment) I want to thank everyone who too the time to comment on this, I reread what I wrote and the words weren't enough to describe the loneliness. I haven't been logged on in a long time and Ive tried to keep myself busy.

First off, I really did try talking to him without a fight or anything. I calmly explained my unhappiness and what can be done to fix it. I've cried, I've begged, pleaded and even said I would leave but it doesn't do anything. One of the conditions I said would help is if he limited his game playing, I said he should unplug that xbox of his at least for a day or two to start with just to show me he cares... he still has yet to do that.

I finally said, I want a divorce (which I don't know what to do if we get Divorced, I have no money of my own, I invested everything I had in this marriage) and he said fine with no fight.

I even went on a couple of dates not too long ago, which he knew about. We didn't touch, kiss or have sex, except for a hug goodbye... I just went on a date to feel like someone actually wants to spend time with me. I stopped seeing the guy after 2 dates because I felt awful, like I was leading him on even though he knew about my marital situation. I could never cheat (physically) I realized that. But it was just nice to have a guy listen to me for longer than 2 minutes and like my company.

We haven't had sex since early september and it pains me to think that Ive lost all drive and want for it. I don't even like it when anyone touches me, hugs me or what not. I really think I've gone crazy...

Sad to say, Im waiting things out till I graduate and get a good/stable career. The reasons for staying right now have nothing to do with love. They have to do with money, our families and friends... I realize I need to do what will make me happy and it might take a long time and right now I'm too scared. But the time will come.

let me just say i'am having this same problem! idk what to do about this damn game system. He's so passionate about the damn game he plays yet none of that emotion or passion is for me none whatsoever. I tell him i dont feel as important to him as the game he wont even stop playing for 1 second to tell me its not true he says it nasty while staring at the screen playing

I wrote this post and its difficult to respond to everyone. I haven't been active in quite some time but I hope that people read this, (i might even copy and paste it to everyone's comment) I want to thank everyone who too the time to comment on this, I reread what I wrote and the words weren't enough to describe the loneliness. I haven't been logged on in a long time and Ive tried to keep myself busy.

First off, I really did try talking to him without a fight or anything. I calmly explained my unhappiness and what can be done to fix it. I've cried, I've begged, pleaded and even said I would leave but it doesn't do anything. One of the conditions I said would help is if he limited his game playing, I said he should unplug that xbox of his at least for a day or two to start with just to show me he cares... he still has yet to do that.

I finally said, I want a divorce (which I don't know what to do if we get Divorced, I have no money of my own, I invested everything I had in this marriage) and he said fine with no fight.

I even went on a couple of dates not too long ago, which he knew about. We didn't touch, kiss or have sex, except for a hug goodbye... I just went on a date to feel like someone actually wants to spend time with me. I stopped seeing the guy after 2 dates because I felt awful, like I was leading him on even though he knew about my marital situation. I could never cheat (physically) I realized that. But it was just nice to have a guy listen to me for longer than 2 minutes and like my company.

We haven't had sex since early september and it pains me to think that Ive lost all drive and want for it. I don't even like it when anyone touches me, hugs me or what not. I really think I've gone crazy...

Sad to say, Im waiting things out till I graduate and get a good/stable career. The reasons for staying right now have nothing to do with love. They have to do with money, our families and friends... I realize I need to do what will make me happy and it might take a long time and right now I'm too scared. But the time will come.

Wow...sweety, this isn't kosher at all. Aside from the great advice of the others here, you have the answer you seek. 1. Have another heart to heart with him. This time give him time lines. Concrete dates that you expect things done/ changed... then move from there. You're too young to be having these kinds of issues in your relationship... I wish you the best.

I wrote this post and its difficult to respond to everyone. I haven't been active in quite some time but I hope that people read this, (i might even copy and paste it to everyone's comment) I want to thank everyone who too the time to comment on this, I reread what I wrote and the words weren't enough to describe the loneliness. I haven't been logged on in a long time and Ive tried to keep myself busy.

First off, I really did try talking to him without a fight or anything. I calmly explained my unhappiness and what can be done to fix it. I've cried, I've begged, pleaded and even said I would leave but it doesn't do anything. One of the conditions I said would help is if he limited his game playing, I said he should unplug that xbox of his at least for a day or two to start with just to show me he cares... he still has yet to do that.

I finally said, I want a divorce (which I don't know what to do if we get Divorced, I have no money of my own, I invested everything I had in this marriage) and he said fine with no fight.

I even went on a couple of dates not too long ago, which he knew about. We didn't touch, kiss or have sex, except for a hug goodbye... I just went on a date to feel like someone actually wants to spend time with me. I stopped seeing the guy after 2 dates because I felt awful, like I was leading him on even though he knew about my marital situation. I could never cheat (physically) I realized that. But it was just nice to have a guy listen to me for longer than 2 minutes and like my company.

We haven't had sex since early september and it pains me to think that Ive lost all drive and want for it. I don't even like it when anyone touches me, hugs me or what not. I really think I've gone crazy...

Sad to say, Im waiting things out till I graduate and get a good/stable career. The reasons for staying right now have nothing to do with love. They have to do with money, our families and friends... I realize I need to do what will make me happy and it might take a long time and right now I'm too scared. But the time will come.

You seem to be a very genuine woman and that in itself makes you extremely awesome. But you require connection with someone that you surely aren't getting from the guy whose name is on your marriage certificate (I won't give him the benefit of being called your husband). That connection which you are missing is a huge part of a relationship, and just being human. Everyone wants to feel loved and appreciated. The longer you go without the "basics" in a relationship will eventually take its toll on your psyche, to the point that it WILL be an issue when you finally do meet the man that deserves you. Every prior relationship will shape who the person is today, and if one has bad prior relationships, that negativity will carry over unfairly to the new relationship. Not every man is an ***. I worship my wife, I do many things to always reassure her of my love for her, my gifts are extremely thoughtful never just off-the-shelf so to speak. She is my queen and I treat her as such and people know this; actually commenting on how much they feel we are in love. Enough about me, I was just trying to make a point... lol. Anyway, I wish you luck with your situation and if you ever need to vent privately, just inbox me and we'll chat. Everyone reserves to be happy, sweety and you're no exception.

I feel but my husband is always fishing or playing games on his phone

I wrote this post and its difficult to respond to everyone. I haven't been active in quite some time but I hope that people read this, (i might even copy and paste it to everyone's comment) I want to thank everyone who too the time to comment on this, I reread what I wrote and the words weren't enough to describe the loneliness. I haven't been logged on in a long time and Ive tried to keep myself busy.

First off, I really did try talking to him without a fight or anything. I calmly explained my unhappiness and what can be done to fix it. I've cried, I've begged, pleaded and even said I would leave but it doesn't do anything. One of the conditions I said would help is if he limited his game playing, I said he should unplug that xbox of his at least for a day or two to start with just to show me he cares... he still has yet to do that.

I finally said, I want a divorce (which I don't know what to do if we get Divorced, I have no money of my own, I invested everything I had in this marriage) and he said fine with no fight.

I even went on a couple of dates not too long ago, which he knew about. We didn't touch, kiss or have sex, except for a hug goodbye... I just went on a date to feel like someone actually wants to spend time with me. I stopped seeing the guy after 2 dates because I felt awful, like I was leading him on even though he knew about my marital situation. I could never cheat (physically) I realized that. But it was just nice to have a guy listen to me for longer than 2 minutes and like my company.

We haven't had sex since early september and it pains me to think that Ive lost all drive and want for it. I don't even like it when anyone touches me, hugs me or what not. I really think I've gone crazy...

Sad to say, Im waiting things out till I graduate and get a good/stable career. The reasons for staying right now have nothing to do with love. They have to do with money, our families and friends... I realize I need to do what will make me happy and it might take a long time and right now I'm too scared. But the time will come.

I know how you feel I'm going thru a lot of the same things except the money part mine is I've been talking to an old college friend which he hates because We had something an we still do he's sorta like my soulmate we met an it was love at first sight, but now I'm trapped my father bought him into our family business so now no change that I could get him to leave even if I wanted to I'm also scared because I'm keeping this big secect

I've been married over 10 years. Don't allow yourself to die because you're lonely and he's ignoring you. Don't nag anymore. Start doing activities that YOU enjoy without him. Find new friends that are not attached to him. And just begin loving and living life for yourself. When he see's that you are going to ENJOY YOUR LIFE with or without him he will begin to seek your attention. And if he doesn't, at least you will be fulfilled~

I wrote this post and its difficult to respond to everyone. I haven't been active in quite some time but I hope that people read this, (i might even copy and paste it to everyone's comment) I want to thank everyone who too the time to comment on this, I reread what I wrote and the words weren't enough to describe the loneliness. I haven't been logged on in a long time and Ive tried to keep myself busy.

First off, I really did try talking to him without a fight or anything. I calmly explained my unhappiness and what can be done to fix it. I've cried, I've begged, pleaded and even said I would leave but it doesn't do anything. One of the conditions I said would help is if he limited his game playing, I said he should unplug that xbox of his at least for a day or two to start with just to show me he cares... he still has yet to do that.

I finally said, I want a divorce (which I don't know what to do if we get Divorced, I have no money of my own, I invested everything I had in this marriage) and he said fine with no fight.

I even went on a couple of dates not too long ago, which he knew about. We didn't touch, kiss or have sex, except for a hug goodbye... I just went on a date to feel like someone actually wants to spend time with me. I stopped seeing the guy after 2 dates because I felt awful, like I was leading him on even though he knew about my marital situation. I could never cheat (physically) I realized that. But it was just nice to have a guy listen to me for longer than 2 minutes and like my company.

We haven't had sex since early september and it pains me to think that Ive lost all drive and want for it. I don't even like it when anyone touches me, hugs me or what not. I really think I've gone crazy...

Sad to say, Im waiting things out till I graduate and get a good/stable career. The reasons for staying right now have nothing to do with love. They have to do with money, our families and friends... I realize I need to do what will make me happy and it might take a long time and right now I'm too scared. But the time will come.

Yes! My thoughts exactly! This is the route I've decided to take. The Internet had stolen my husband away from me. It's like I don't even exist to him anymore....well, until he needs something anyway. I've decided to show myself some "self-love" and do stuff that I enjoy to show myself how much I care...because I deserve better than this and the only person who truly understands my needs is myself.

I could have written the verbatim...just know you're not alone. I often wonder how many marriages will be destroyed by gaming in our generation...I bet the numbers would be staggering.

I wrote this post and its difficult to respond to everyone. I haven't been active in quite some time but I hope that people read this, (i might even copy and paste it to everyone's comment) I want to thank everyone who too the time to comment on this, I reread what I wrote and the words weren't enough to describe the loneliness. I haven't been logged on in a long time and Ive tried to keep myself busy.

First off, I really did try talking to him without a fight or anything. I calmly explained my unhappiness and what can be done to fix it. I've cried, I've begged, pleaded and even said I would leave but it doesn't do anything. One of the conditions I said would help is if he limited his game playing, I said he should unplug that xbox of his at least for a day or two to start with just to show me he cares... he still has yet to do that.

I finally said, I want a divorce (which I don't know what to do if we get Divorced, I have no money of my own, I invested everything I had in this marriage) and he said fine with no fight.

I even went on a couple of dates not too long ago, which he knew about. We didn't touch, kiss or have sex, except for a hug goodbye... I just went on a date to feel like someone actually wants to spend time with me. I stopped seeing the guy after 2 dates because I felt awful, like I was leading him on even though he knew about my marital situation. I could never cheat (physically) I realized that. But it was just nice to have a guy listen to me for longer than 2 minutes and like my company.

We haven't had sex since early september and it pains me to think that Ive lost all drive and want for it. I don't even like it when anyone touches me, hugs me or what not. I really think I've gone crazy...

Sad to say, Im waiting things out till I graduate and get a good/stable career. The reasons for staying right now have nothing to do with love. They have to do with money, our families and friends... I realize I need to do what will make me happy and it might take a long time and right now I'm too scared. But the time will come.

A life with a person who never cares about will be a hell for you. Sweety I can feel your pain try talking with him again or just leave him.don't waste your entire life. U still have many years to live. Life is just only once,try to live the life with love not as a duty.

I wrote this post and its difficult to respond to everyone. I haven't been active in quite some time but I hope that people read this, (i might even copy and paste it to everyone's comment) I want to thank everyone who too the time to comment on this, I reread what I wrote and the words weren't enough to describe the loneliness. I haven't been logged on in a long time and Ive tried to keep myself busy.

First off, I really did try talking to him without a fight or anything. I calmly explained my unhappiness and what can be done to fix it. I've cried, I've begged, pleaded and even said I would leave but it doesn't do anything. One of the conditions I said would help is if he limited his game playing, I said he should unplug that xbox of his at least for a day or two to start with just to show me he cares... he still has yet to do that.

I finally said, I want a divorce (which I don't know what to do if we get Divorced, I have no money of my own, I invested everything I had in this marriage) and he said fine with no fight.

I even went on a couple of dates not too long ago, which he knew about. We didn't touch, kiss or have sex, except for a hug goodbye... I just went on a date to feel like someone actually wants to spend time with me. I stopped seeing the guy after 2 dates because I felt awful, like I was leading him on even though he knew about my marital situation. I could never cheat (physically) I realized that. But it was just nice to have a guy listen to me for longer than 2 minutes and like my company.

We haven't had sex since early september and it pains me to think that Ive lost all drive and want for it. I don't even like it when anyone touches me, hugs me or what not. I really think I've gone crazy...

Sad to say, Im waiting things out till I graduate and get a good/stable career. The reasons for staying right now have nothing to do with love. They have to do with money, our families and friends... I realize I need to do what will make me happy and it might take a long time and right now I'm too scared. But the time will come.

Honestly, I don't know his real age, but it sounds like you married a teenager. I hope that doesn't sound harsh, but while I have a great time messing with my kids on Black Ops as well, the controller goes flying through the air as a Bugs Bunny cloud swirls around where my butt used to be if I think my wife and I can share time together (...which isn't often unfortunately). Some people have to lose something before they realize what their priorities should have been. I won't pretend to give you any sage advise as, at this point in my relationship, it would only be hypocritical, but I'm quickly coming to the conclusion I need to walk a few steps away to get her to walk toward me... something maybe you can think about. I wouldn't expect a change as long as you (and I...but have to get there myself) continue to roll with the punches.

You are way too young to have to veritably start your life, and love, in such circumstances. Once you accept this role in your relationship, it's only harder to break out of later (something I wish I'd known in the beginning). Good luck, hon.

I wrote this post and its difficult to respond to everyone. I haven't been active in quite some time but I hope that people read this, (i might even copy and paste it to everyone's comment) I want to thank everyone who too the time to comment on this, I reread what I wrote and the words weren't enough to describe the loneliness. I haven't been logged on in a long time and Ive tried to keep myself busy.

First off, I really did try talking to him without a fight or anything. I calmly explained my unhappiness and what can be done to fix it. I've cried, I've begged, pleaded and even said I would leave but it doesn't do anything. One of the conditions I said would help is if he limited his game playing, I said he should unplug that xbox of his at least for a day or two to start with just to show me he cares... he still has yet to do that.

I finally said, I want a divorce (which I don't know what to do if we get Divorced, I have no money of my own, I invested everything I had in this marriage) and he said fine with no fight.

I even went on a couple of dates not too long ago, which he knew about. We didn't touch, kiss or have sex, except for a hug goodbye... I just went on a date to feel like someone actually wants to spend time with me. I stopped seeing the guy after 2 dates because I felt awful, like I was leading him on even though he knew about my marital situation. I could never cheat (physically) I realized that. But it was just nice to have a guy listen to me for longer than 2 minutes and like my company.

We haven't had sex since early september and it pains me to think that Ive lost all drive and want for it. I don't even like it when anyone touches me, hugs me or what not. I really think I've gone crazy...

Sad to say, Im waiting things out till I graduate and get a good/stable career. The reasons for staying right now have nothing to do with love. They have to do with money, our families and friends... I realize I need to do what will make me happy and it might take a long time and right now I'm too scared. But the time will come.

I enjoy video games but I have never let that get in the way of any personal relationship. I have a friend who is a lot like your husband with his girl friend. Long story short they are no longer together. I don't understand how people can get so enveloped in any hobby that it ruins a relationship romantic or otherwise.

I wrote this post and its difficult to respond to everyone. I haven't been active in quite some time but I hope that people read this, (i might even copy and paste it to everyone's comment) I want to thank everyone who too the time to comment on this, I reread what I wrote and the words weren't enough to describe the loneliness. I haven't been logged on in a long time and Ive tried to keep myself busy.

First off, I really did try talking to him without a fight or anything. I calmly explained my unhappiness and what can be done to fix it. I've cried, I've begged, pleaded and even said I would leave but it doesn't do anything. One of the conditions I said would help is if he limited his game playing, I said he should unplug that xbox of his at least for a day or two to start with just to show me he cares... he still has yet to do that.

I finally said, I want a divorce (which I don't know what to do if we get Divorced, I have no money of my own, I invested everything I had in this marriage) and he said fine with no fight.

I even went on a couple of dates not too long ago, which he knew about. We didn't touch, kiss or have sex, except for a hug goodbye... I just went on a date to feel like someone actually wants to spend time with me. I stopped seeing the guy after 2 dates because I felt awful, like I was leading him on even though he knew about my marital situation. I could never cheat (physically) I realized that. But it was just nice to have a guy listen to me for longer than 2 minutes and like my company.

We haven't had sex since early september and it pains me to think that Ive lost all drive and want for it. I don't even like it when anyone touches me, hugs me or what not. I really think I've gone crazy...

Sad to say, Im waiting things out till I graduate and get a good/stable career. The reasons for staying right now have nothing to do with love. They have to do with money, our families and friends... I realize I need to do what will make me happy and it might take a long time and right now I'm too scared. But the time will come.

i have been feeling off my wife the same way. i dont feel like having sex with her. generally it is to give her the pleasure than for mutual pleasure. i don't feel attracted and excited towards her. i always feel as if i need some other woman to share some goood time. i feel very lonely...

I am in the same boat. My bf also works long hours and when he gets home (or has days off from work) all he ever does is play his game - it's the first thing he'd do when he wakes up and the last thing before he sleeps. I, too, am at the point when I have had enough of telling him how his habit is ruining our relationship and I have also lost interest in even talking things out with him because he will just be defensive. We've already had a big fight about it and he said he will try to change but that was just a few months ago and now he's back to his old routine.
I am just getting all my ducks in a row, so to speak, before I do finally leave him. I don't think I can wait around for him to change and spend a long time in loneliness and misery. I hope your situation gets better than mine.

We seem like were in the same boat definitely. I'm sorry to hear that its happening to you as well. Find your happiness at the moment in other things, in a hobby or just treating yourself out?

What about sitting him down & watching a blue film Chose one that has things going on that you'd like to try or do. xx

It looks like youve let your relationship drift apart for too long. Cannot see any way around it unless you take a brake from each other by living in seperate homes. That way you will both realise that it's over or you want to try again. xx

That may be the best way to go... thanks for the comment

May I suggest, if at all possible, you show him this story..? Could start a convo... be honest with him and with yourself. What can you live with?

I don't keep things from him... all of the things I wrote, he knows. Ive been as straight forward with him as possible.

Many years ago I was that man, my ex and I fought over my gaming frequently. This was long before she and I fell apart. She still wanted to be together and made it clear to me that I had to decide what I wanted - whether it was to sit in front of a screen all the time or be with her. When she started to describe what I was like to be around when I was in the groove, how I would snap and pretend to listen but not actually hear a word, it started to sink in eventually. The next time she distracted me to talk about something important, like things needing to be done or somewhere to go, I checked myself when the urge to snap "what!?!" at her - then I realized she was right. Gradually I came out of my shell and eventually we found a place of compromise, and I was able to sate the gaming habit in more private situations rather than all free time.

I'm not sure if I have any advice for you though. I can offer the support of showing you that a man like that can mature under the right circumstances, and become the good husband you need him to be. Supporting him in his passion for gaming is a good step forward on the road to compromise, but you shouldn't lose yourself to it. Make sure you get something in exchange, too.

If you feel you've lost the passion, you need to make a decision. Do you still love this person? Are you still willing to make it work? Once you've made that decision, then it's time to deal with him.
If you've decided it's too far gone and you need to find a new life, give him a chance to let it settle in before you go. Stand your ground if he resists, you've lost the physical attraction and passion and need to move on. He will need a slap in the face (figuratively!) to get him to become aware of what he's given up for his habit. Then move on. Maybe the next time he's lucky enough to find someone who will take vows with him, he'll take it more seriously.
If you decide it's worth it after all, find a way to rekindle the flames in your own heart and resuscitate your desire to be touched. Then, I'm not sure. I've heard getting a nerd's attention isn't too difficult if you're aggressive - put on your war paint and dress to thrill, then stand defiantly between him and his screen and show him what God gave you. Someone under the thrall of passive entertainment like TV or gaming may need a kickstart to get him going.

My ex never learned that trick, but my wife went to a few panel discussions (ha ha! at a sci fi con!) discussing how to deal with loving a geek/nerd/whatever. She never actually needed to use that trick - I had matured enough by then - but it was fun to play the scene anyway!

Your biggest challenge right now is the fun factor. You need to have fun together and he's having the most fun interacting with a machine. Believe me, I know exactly how painful that is. It's why I found this group. If you still want him, you need to look after your feelings and get his attention at the same time. I'm not going to lie to you, that's going to be tricky. You're going to play all-or-nothing. But the alternative is either giving up or becoming unfaithful. That was the most attention-getting wake-up call my ex gave me - she threatened to find someone else to be with if I wouldn't start paying more attention to her. It definitely did get my attention and that was another big part of how I was drawn out of my gaming shell.

Sadly, years later and after it was all history, I found out it was no idle threat. If you love him at all, don't do that. Even though I hadn't spoken to my ex in over a year and it was definitely history for us, it was still sublimely painful to find out.

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and to share your experience, specially coming from the other side of it. I'm saddened to say Ive tried a lot of what you've suggested. I've tried reasoning, I've flat out told him that playing less would benefit us and it was his move to make the improvement and cut back.

One time I put a password block on it and asked him for five days of no gaming and he barely lasted a day and a half. Instead of taking that time to give me the attention and romance I wanted, he spent it angry with me (and even researched how to hack into his xbox!) I gave in and unlocked it.

I've told him I want a separation, even on my birthday, hoping it would show him how serious I am but it hasn't done anything but make him more and more bitter just like I am.

I can either shut my mouth and let it all happen, fake a smile and eventually lose my mind and cheat on him or keep on bugging him which in turn does the same thing.... Its come to the point now where I hate it when he plays AT ALL. I can compromise and settle with him playing a little less but now Im so fed up with it.

I pity this man's ignorance. But I won't forgive his stubbornness. Have you tried showing him what it might be like to miss you? Take a girls' night out, even allow a *little* male attention to boost your ego, it may help the libido a bit to feel wanted again. Show up at home late, if he questions you tell him "none of your business."
I'm seeing that part of this pattern is you're showing you're still devoted and committed. Maybe a few clues that the commitment to work it out is at risk might snap him out of it.
I don't recommend rebelling all-out against it, unless you're deciding to end the relationship. He'll never completely let go, but if the two of you are lucky you can resolve your feelings about his gaming AND he'll be more respectful about it and evolve a little from a game junkie to a human being who happens to like this kind of fun.

I wish you all the best, and my heart cries for you... I hope you find a way to bring the human side of him back out and find the love in your heart isn't completely gone, but I fear it may be too late.

Sometimes we gain wisdom through our mistakes. I sure did. Sometimes we gain wisdom from others, and sometimes we gain wisdom from tragedies. The real fools in life are those who turn down the opportunity to learn at all. Those of us who wish to have sanity in our lives should give no quarter to these people, they will eventually drain all of our humanity if allowed into our lives.

Ha, Ive also tried that. That is where I am now. I spend more time with my friends (who have noticed he doesn't come out with me ever) I come home whenever I want but still, I don't excessively go out... I just don't bother answering my phone at all times or give him details of where Im going. I get enough male attention and it doesn't seem to faze him either.
Even his best friend said to him (recently) "She's out of your league man, if I had a girl like that, I'd treat her like a queen." - and still, NOTHING.

I fear the only thing that will wake him up is to lose me for good.

Don't take this wrong, but I love you. Simply one human being to another. You have all of my compassion and sympathy.

One of the biggest problems I have with my wife is exactly what you're hurtling straight toward: she NEVER shows any regret - even defiantly and angrily, even when she's clearly in the wrong! That is, until or unless consequences are payable and due. One time I got so fed up, I downloaded all the necessary forms for a "Californese No-Fault Divorce" - irreconcilable differences. I filled them in, printed them out, signed the line - of course it wasn't really legal not having been filed or served properly, but had she cooperated it would have been legitimate. I left them behind and did not come home that night - planning to sleep in my car. Of course my phone rang and she blubbered a tearful apology and I was a total fool to believe, but I can't help it. No matter how bad it's been, I'm still madly in love with her. It's become an albatross around my neck, this love that I have. I think someday it may kill me.

Be strong. Do what you have to do. Maybe he'll learn from it, maybe he'll even regret and become wiser. Maybe he'll decide you have a new nickname, probably a gender-biased word of hate, and go back to sitting in front of the screen muttering it while he sits alone for good. But you'll be free to know it's no longer your problem.

I'm so sorry to hear you still feel so much for her and you two aren't together. Thats what Im afraid of for him... honestly, I think he will find someone better for him in time if I leave. he's a very very kind man and its hard to find someone with values like his but as for the lack of assertiveness and romance, we are not a match.

I truly hope you find peace in your heart, its as big of a burden to love someone you're not with as it is to not love someone you're married to.

Only you can make yourself happy. Separating is difficult, but at least it's movement. Hang in there and listen to you own needs! If you can deal with what you're describing as you life then you can do anything. Change is hard, but always good, especially if the current situation is bleak. Life is too short too fake it. I wish you well... You, unfortunately, can do nothing to change your guy—that's all on him. Nothing you can do, say... period... unless he chooses to listen, ponder and participate in the resolution. You can only change yourself and your responses to him and his actions or lack thereof. Decide what works best for you and go from there. Don't shut down. Don't rebel. Don't cheat or become more bitter. Be nice to yourself... And remember, if you say you're gonna do something, be prepared to actually do whatever that thing is. Otherwise, it's like the "sky is falling..." story—you'll be like the "bla bla bla" adult voices in the Charlie Brown cartoon specials. Discussion, talking, though, is also a great thing, because you should be able to talk about anything. Talking about something is just that. You're not, or haven't yet, or maybe won't ever, actually do whatever it is you're talking about. How safe can ya get? If you can't do that, then we're I in your shoes, I'd take some time to myself to think...away from him, the gaming, the bitterness... get my mind back on track. New perspective. Out of the fray. That kind of thing. Best to you.

"I'm so sorry to hear you still feel so much for her and you two aren't together. Thats what Im afraid of for him... honestly, I think he will find someone better for him in time if I leave. he's a very very kind man and its hard to find someone with values like his but as for the lack of assertiveness and romance, we are not a match. "
This makes me want to ask: What are you afraid of for yourself? Forget about worrying about him, for a change, maybe. It's not selfish to consider your own happiness and satisfaction within a relationship. The day I stopped wondering what I could do to make my relationship with my ex better and realized I was doing everything I could—that it wasn't ME that couldn't make it work... It was me that it wasn't working for... that I was unhappy... And that I needed to take action in order to live life fully. Life's much better, now.

It would be wrong of me to try to talk you into something this important. So I won't. But I will point out that worrying about how it's going to make him feel is sapping your resolve. You need to think about what's best for you right now. Look at him sitting there - he certainly isn't and if what you say is true, that's not likely to change anytime soon.

I'm getting the impression you're facing this decision and trying to cope with how difficult it is by making both choices, which is impossible. Like you are certain you know what's best for you but on the other hand there's still need and desire to make it right some other way. May I ask: what exactly do YOU want to see? When I was very young I learned this trick: when faced with a decision and you can't seem to decide, flip a coin. Not just the same-old "flip a coin" trash - pay no attention to what side turns up. Pay attention to what side you're rooting for while it's in the air. My daughter is 11. I taught her this trick and she thinks it's brilliant.

Thanks for your words too. And yes, you're right - it's incredibly painful to come home, cook dinner, and watch her snuggle the little girl or kiss the kitty with gusto from across the room where I sit alone, as if everyone deserves her affection except me - and then "bedtime" is for everyone else, for me it's the couch. Then I'm alone. For weeks on end. More often than not the pattern resets only when I get so fed up I wind up screaming. Then I'm the bad guy, of course.

I came here for support and thanks for giving some, and I'm honored to give some back in return. For you in particular because I've been awakened to what I was doing years ago, what is hurting you today. Even though I repented and resolved and she and I eventually broke up years later for other reasons, it's still warming my heart to be able to pay a little retribution to the world by supporting someone suffering through a wrong I'd once been guilty of myself.

I'll tell you what, I'm still thinking about what you're going through and wishing there was something I could say that would really help. If I were local I would probably offer to drop by and try to talk some sense into this guy. Maybe if he heard from someone like him who lost or nearly lost what he had for this habit... I remember what it was like, staying on the machine until my eyes got bloodshot from being so dried out from not blinking - seeing the sun come up and realizing I have to go to work in a couple of hours and haven't slept. Hearing my gf tell me if I was going to do this I was going to have to fix my attitude and not be so aggressive while I'm doing it, and not spend every moment there, but there was a garden to look after and snuggling in front of the TV and kitties to pet and a life to live too... I finally heard her, but I'm not really sure how. I think she said something about me being really crabby and snapping at her while I was in the worst state of it, and the next time she tried to talk to me I snapped at her and suddenly remembered what she said. That's how I remember it, when I realized I was exactly the monster she said I was becoming. That I think is what woke me up.

Thanks so much for taking such a close interest in this. I told him I joined this group and I'm so far gone that I'm seeking advice. I think it woke him up a little bit but I don't know, we'll see. Its very late here so I'll keep this brief. I'll be back on tomorrow and hopefully can go into more detail, thanks again.

I'm so happy for you! All the best of luck.
I had some progress too, last night. My wife came home from work late (but on schedule), and we were all tired. But while I was helping my little girl get ready for the morning, my wife looked at me and OFFERED a hug! I know it sounds crazy. But I've gone for so long with her only asking me to give to her... never anything in return... She was in the infamous chair from the darkest day of my life... but I don't blame the chair haha. I went over to her apprehensively but couldn't resist the littlest bone thrown my way. I snuggled into her chest and she put her arms around me and rubbed my back... I barely managed to hide the fact that I was crying. She asked me if it felt nice, or was I falling asleep? I managed to drag out the words "I love it, I miss you..." with only the slightest crack betraying the tears. It felt so nice. Then I turned around and sat on the floor, and she stroked my head while I told her about my sister having called, and how she never heard our sordid, passionate tale... for the second time yesterday I ran through the photographic memory tapes of us getting together and reminisced. It was beautiful.
I'm still thinking this sounds crazy, because it's so normal. But where she and I are today, days can go by without a kind word, years since I've been kissed just because I'm there, once or twice for a special occasion. It's been so long since I really felt loved by her and not simply useful or used.

Aw, I'm so glad you got a hug!!! Its progress definitely. :)

Sorry for the brevity of my comment, I have to run to work.

Yeah, I reposted that reply as a story. Today the sun is shining and it feels nice, and the playlist of sad songs in the car were just good music. It feels nice. Thanks for encouraging, and back at you - hope you make progress too, and God willing we can both get some healing done today!

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