I Wish I Hadn't Said Anything

I have been in a happy marriage to a wonderful woman for many years. We have great kids and she is a great wife. The problem is me. I am what I consider a pretty good looking guy. I keep myself in pretty good shape but I long to wear women's panties. I am not gay but I LOVE women's lingerie.

Over the years I have put on her clothes and underwear. Doing a little dance and pretending to be her in our bedroom. She always laughed and seemed to appreciate it.

Several months ago while we where feeling very close I admitted to her of my lingerie love, and that I wanted to wear panties. She looked at me like she was looking at a stranger. We talked for a long time, after I slept in the guest room for several nights. One night my wife came in and told me to come to bed. She said she didn't understand my need but we would work on it.

At first things seemed to be back to normal. On a business trip not long after, I bought myself several pairs of panties. I wear them on business trips but rarely at home. My wife knows they are there but she acts like she does not approve, so I don't wear them at home unless I know she won't see.

I feel so alone now. We don't talk like we did, she is so distant. She has told me several times that I have surprised her and that she doesn't know who I am. Aren't you supposed to be able to talk to your spouse about anything?

I tried to be very gentle and compassionate when we initially talked. I have tried to give her the space to come to grips with it, and its not like I said I wanted to become a woman. I just like wearing panties.

I am afraid that I have damaged our relationship beyond repair. She will not be intimate with me and it has been months now. Do I give her more time? Do I try and talk to her? I just don't know what to do anymore. I just wished I had never told her about my desires at all.
PrissySissySara PrissySissySara
36-40, M
3 Responses Nov 30, 2012

I'm so so sorry to hear about this, I love panties too, but this is precisely why I'm content in my little closet, I love it, but it's not that important to me, I really feel for you though...

sounds just like me

it is a question of loyalties

and who comes first

my wife sees my femme side as a threatt

which i cant blame her for as it is stronger than me

Don't listen to the haters. I don't share your views but I see nothing wrong with any activity that does not harm anyone. It's not like you're a one-of-a-kind freak either... nor are you the first man who has an unexplainable desire to wear women's undergarments and have an otherwise social norm of sexual orientation.
I really hope the both of you have enough patience and compassion toward each other to get through this. There are so many of us here that are otherwise suffering a similar winter in our married life over much more severe issues, and I would hate to hear that your marriage would fail over something like this. If it did, then frankly I would blame your wife for finding this so repugnant and intolerable it devalues the relationship so much it's no longer worth continuing.
Now, for example: I don't have anything in particular against ****. I even indulge it once in a while when I'm lonely and I don't have my partner to be with me intimately. However, my wife is severely addicted to it - and neglects me sexually for weeks on end, during which time she spends hours online watching videos of other people having sex while she... takes care of her own needs without me.
That's where the line is drawn in my view. I am being harmed by this behavior. Our relationship is being neglected in favor of a sexual activity I'm excluded from. By my definition, that's cheating.

I don't see what you are doing as cheating, nor do I see any sign that you are harming her... unless you're stretching out her panties and she's finally figuring out why she can't seem to buy any clothes that fit. LOL. But even then, I don't see that as an unforgivable crime that merits sleeping apart and allowing the love between you to grow colder, building resentment over time.

My recommendation is you work on strengthening the love between you in all other ways you can, and try to give her enough space to process and at least learn to deal with your... taste... in a way that is at least showing tolerance and not polluting the rest of the relationship.

Honestly, to answer your question: you're worried that you've damaged your relationship beyond repair. No, I don't think so. I believe you've turned up an incompatibility. You're both learning new things about these feelings. Maybe the marriage will fail, maybe not. Would you truly be happy if you were forced to forego your pleasure for the sake of keeping her in your life? I think you need to ponder that question more than whether or not you ruined your marriage. Over something like this.. well, if it's simply an incompatibility, then the marriage was destined to fail anyway, that is, if it does.

And I totally understand about these kinds of regrets. Live and learn, if this doesn't work out between the two of you, be sure to clearly check to make sure any future partner you may wind up trying to build a relationship on understands about this up front and agrees that it is okay.