I Hate Myself; As A Person And A Wife

Last night I decided that I was going to go out today and buy my husband one of his Christmas presents, because I felt like he would never buy it for himself. I felt proud of myself for wanting to go out and buy him a Christmas gift this year since he is actually making really good money now and last year we didn't give each other anything. That and I knew he wanted this exact thing so he couldn't tell me the same thing when I bought him a wallet a few months ago and it turned out to be one he didn't like as much. All he told me was that 'I ****** up', and never said thank you until a few days later when I mentioned that I didn't get a thank you for it.

Once he woke up for work and was getting ready, I mention I was thinking about going out with a friend so we could go out to eat and maybe shop some. He blew up on me. Raised his voice at me, asking me why I always want to go spend his money, made me feel like a ****** wife.

At the time, he never knew the whole reason for this 'shopping trip' was to go out and buy him a gift. He bought me a Wii U last week as an early birthday present for me, and before that I went out and spent a little money on myself for once.
(When I say I spent money on myself, I spent a little less than 150 last week on myself a few shirts, and a couple of Christmas decorations. Usually I spend less than 50 on myself every couple of weeks)

Him talking to me the way he did, made me feel like a ****** wife. Nothing hurts more than feeling like that. If there was anything in my life I've strived to be good at, it was his wife. I hate myself to begin with. He makes me hate myself as his wife, he deserves so much better than me. Maybe if he had a better wife, he wouldn't be mean to her like he is me sometimes. Maybe she would be prettier, and sweeter. Maybe she wouldn't have as many problems than me.

I've thought about it alot and often, what would his life be like without me in it. Alot of times I think he would be happier. Maybe he would find someone better than me out there. Someone who is actually going somewhere in life.
AliceWells AliceWells
18-21, F
7 Responses Dec 5, 2012

Tell him to "KISS YOUR *** GOODBYE" get out of there and find a real man. The only person he loves is himself.

Men can be such jerks and they dont even realize it sometimes! My husband is at that stage where he makes me feel worthless! I have insecure issues because of it! I am now seeking counseling for it, maybe you should do the same! You need to vent and cry and let it all out without being judged!!! We as woman always put others before our needs, its just they way we think! Its time to start thinking about what we want or need! Keep strong and keep your head up!

agrees with every comment here

Please never ever think of yourself in that way.Everyone has a Beutiful smile and the gift of life.Your man might be too tied up in making the mighty dollar.Money is'nt everything and the sooner he realises that fact the better husband he will be.You sound Like an awsome wife any MAN would love to have.Take it from me I'm a man in my late 40's and have been married to the same women since i turned 20 yrs old.I have two kids,Boy 27yrs old and girl 19yrs old.Guess what, My Son does'nt talk to us and we gave Him everything we had.Turns out my daughter was the Best in her class ever since she started school.Short story,But maybe us men are a little too selfish.God bless all and Merry Christmas. P.S. is that politically correct?

First of all you're misdirecting your anger. Don't turn inward for the scapegoat, this guy is an *******. Second, you're the one who's going to be "happier," he's already happy with the way things are. He'll be hurt if you leave him, sure, but should he find another partner, he'll be looking for another relationship like the one he has with you. Same bitter, abusive toxic garbage, and torture some other poor fool stupid enough to become his mate.
Sorry if I sound bitter, I'm going through similar. And I'm outta here after the holidays. Had quite enough, tyvm

Don't beat yourself up like that. sounds to me like your husband has "programmed" you to feel/be inferior or at least mentally beat you down. Either way, its wrong. I am sorry that you are going through this. Have you ever asked yourself if "he" is good enough for you?....... do NOT let him get to you like that sweety.. good luck sweety.

this is a jedi mind trick of the worst kind.

he's an emotional abuser - don't think a better woman wouldn't have these issues. he'd be abusive to her too.

trust me, its not you, its the abusive man thats the problem.