Lonely Married Man

I am 33 years old and have been married for 7 years and the last 4 years have been really tough and lonely. My wife always makes time for my step daughter but when it comes to me I feel like I am an option. Better yet I feel like I am the last option behind the dog. I love her but I don't know how long I want to continue to put up with this kind of a marriage. She sleeps on the couch every night and has done so for about 3 years and she says it has nothing to do with me, but that eliminates all possibility for any intimacy. I don't know the last time we cuddled, spooned or even had pillow talk. She doesn't seem to need this as much as I do and she doesn't seem to care when I try to talk to her about it. I am praying all the time for help from God but I don't think God ment for marriage to be like this.
awash10 awash10
2 Responses Dec 10, 2012

This is not the way a married couple should be dealing with one another, is it? You tend to feel like you've been sold a bill of goods the moment you said, "I do.". I presume you've asked her why she chooses to sleep on the couch versus sleep with you? Has she considered counseling at all?

I would agree that three years like this is tough. I'd work on opening up the lines of communication to get this issue resolved now. Lord knows, if you've been married for ten years or longer and this sort of thing is still going on, you'll likely be jaded towards the idea of marriage.

Dear Friend:
How I long to cuddle, spoon, and pillow talk with my husband, to run my fingers along the outline of his face, to kiss and caress his stubble, to linger my lips on the corner of his lips...

My husband and I sleep in separate bedrooms...me in the master bedroom, him the in the guest room. He says he tosses and turns from stress at work, and so we used to sleep together in the same room only during the weekends, but now even on the weekends he sleeps in the guest room...he says the mattress is more comfortable there. Oh, how I've tried to coax him to lay down next to me...coaxing him with the promise of sensual rubs or loving caresses.

Even when we make love, he will stay for a few minutes, then leave to sleep in "his room"...I am always so disappointed to wake up in the middle of the night and find that he's not lying next to me...

And so on most nights, I am resigned to imagine someone else holding me, spooning me, loving me. A shot of brandy before bed helps...it's luxurious warmth surrounding me as I hold tightly to a pillow, imagining that it's the body of a loving and caring husband. I will think of you tonight, dear friend. I will imagine that we've spent hours pillow talking about our hopes and dreams. We've gossiped about the neighbor, or my co-workers...we hold hands under the covers. Then you kiss me good night, and we fall asleep in each others arms...

Jeez, Reeshoo. Your marriage sounds like mine. Yes, wife and I are in separate bedrooms. We haven't had sex in six years. She prefers to have the dogs in bed with her over me. Yay! Gotta love that married life!

Reshoo thank you for the warm comments. I desperately long for my wife to join me in bed with pillow talk, spooning, and cuddling. The thing is I love her but I don't know how long I can continue to live like this when I know there are people out there that want the same things that I want in a marriage. It is getting harder by the day. I am praying to God for help with my marriage but in the mean while I am deeply hurting inside.

Bobrido I don't know how you could go so long without sex with your wife! I am a strong believer that physical intimacy is what differentiates a marriage from all other relationships and without it what type of relationship are we left with?