Getting Ready For "the Talk"...again

Not so dark today, but not because things are going great between us.
If anything, things may even be worse-
He's coming home late with no explanation
He's drinking and I think he may be smoking again (no not cigarettes)
So secretive with his phone.
But I recognize the mistakes that I made the last time.
I was happy based upon how he responded to my efforts.
How unconditional is that?
I thought that forgiving him meant that I had to trust him openly.
No, forgiveness is not a "get out of jail free card."
Trust must be earned.
I am grateful to him for calling her again because it helps me to see myself.
How emotionally dependent I've become.
How I enable him because the measures of accountability aren't there.
Each time I make a stand, I back down because things are "good"
Or if he gets pissy at confrontation, I back down because I just don't feel like the rush of horrible feelings that will come from making him upset.
I went online researching affair proofing our marriage concerning facebook
The ideas were great-
Having pictures of the two of us frequently posted, even as the profile pic
Being able to have the passwords to each others accounts
Having identical friends lists and making sure that each one is comfortable with
There was more, but I felt like those three would greatly improve our situation so I read the article to him.
He got mad and was like "if it bothers you that bad, I won't have a fb account"
His attitude pissed me off and I told him that he wasn't good at just not doing stuff.
He had said that he wouldn't call her or contact her and look where we were.
I also told him that he can't cop out or quit everytime a measure of accountability is required.
Mad that I was confronting him, he said that he would change it.
That was this past weekend...and it's Friday.
Nothing has changed on his account.
I confronted him last night and then backed down because he started asking questions like he didn't know what the hell I was talking about.
The rose tinted glasses are removed.
He is still a manipulator-pressing all the right buttons
And when that doesn't work, pressing all the wrong ones...
If this is going to work, I have to push back-not out of vengeance, bitterness, or because I "deserve more"
Because when you love someone for better or for worse...this is the worse
And it does nothing to change the love I have for him.
Love your neighbor as you love yourself...
That means that I have to love myself in this situation and set boundaries.
I have to love myself and push through the pain of confrontation.
There can be no change without conflict.
Time to bring the conflict (and back it up with all the efforts that I've been giving for the past two months).
He doesn't deserve them...but I do.
b4realz b4realz
31-35, F
2 Responses Dec 14, 2012

Good luck in confronting your husband. I wish you the best.

This is written so well, but I am sorry for the pain and discomfort you are obviously feeling! Be ok with making him mad, defensive, uncomfortable...it seems like it is a necessary evil a this point! Good luck, you seem very strong.