30+ Years And For What?

I married a lady older than myself, way back when. She could hunt, fish and camp with the best of them. Never met a woman like that before and it wasn't long before we tied the knott. She had 5 kids and they were not babies and everything seemed to be going well.

All I turned out to be a meal ticket for her. As soon as I got sick with some major medical things, our life changed. For over a long period of time, I was being accused of having an affair, with a woman I knew, but only because she worked in the produce department at a local grocery. I befriended her to get greens for my chickens and other live stock during the winters. I didn't even really know her name, nor did I have any romantic inclinations towards her. But ....accordingly, I was accused to having this illicit tryst with this woman. If there is a G-d, he knows only that I have done nothing to be ashamed of. I am like Jimmy Carter, lust in the heart, but never went beyond that. A man who doesn't appreciate looking at a woman, well there is something wrong with him. But with the diseases and other things going on out there today...it is not worth the risk.

It is/was a fight that would never go away......and when her kids all claimed to have seen me out and about, with different woman.....man my heart was cut out. Guess I am a fool, because my past says that I used women for only one thing and one thing alone. So....guess I am getting paid in full for my past, by not doing anything wrong. Everything has gone south for me....credit, feelings and the depression is just terrible. Everything is tied up where I live now.....and with todays economy, I couldn't get a tenth of what everything is worth. Man...talk about being cold and bitter and so alone. Thanks for letting me sound off.
StavoV StavoV
1 Response Dec 15, 2012

So sorry you are struggling so. I feel awful for you!