What Do I Do?

hello all,
I have been married for almost 30 years to a man whom I should have never married. He is grumpy, miserable, there has not been intimacy for 8 years, and absolutely no human connection.He never gives me a hug or a kiss, or any touching at all. I am so very lonely, but I am 55 years old. Can I start again? He has put us in debt, so basically I stay for the security. I have no children, my only sibling died of cancer, my only family is my 89 year old mother. Sometimes I feel life is just not worth living. I try to stay positive, I am a flight attendant, so going away is my salvation, but I feel so sad that I have made bad choices.
Someone just talk to me, please.
panagree panagree
51-55, F
11 Responses Jan 6, 2013

Im in a similar situation with my wife, i have no friends very few family, i know where you're coming from, msg me if you want to chat. I can't say I know the answers, but I know what you are going through

Whether you decide to go for marriage counseling or leave your marriage, do it within the next few years, so you can enjoy the next 65 years! Your statement, "Someone just talk to me, please." just had to have a response from me.

i read your story and when i came to the part where you said "someone just talk to me, please." i had to respond, i just signed up and i'm seeing where this journey takes me. i know you are still on yours.

Please watch Hope springs, It has helped me to understand, how my life is, I have cried laughed. It will help you.

You deserve to find happiness with the time you have left. Even being on your own ( as long as you are working ) will be better than your current situation.You have no kids to include in this , set yourslf free.
Eat , pray , love ...........or something similar.

Hi, you are not alone feel free to chat anytime.

Hi panagree. Please know you are not alone. There is a life of happiness and love, but you need to take a chance and look out for yourself.

Close your eyes and follow your heart. Do what you can to stay positive and bring things into your life that make you happy. Dance if you love it. Write if you have to. Take a moment to hug yourself or to walk in the park if it's a safe and serene scene. Things have a way of magically working more fluidly when you do these kinds of things. I'm not exactly sure why.. but I've learned that the toughest struggles in life are just obstacles before our dreams come true. Don't give up. Join other groups such as these that are like-minded and community conscious. You can start again.. and if you enjoy participating in groups that contribute to the help of others; there are tons more out there. Keep smiling and you really won't have to go all that far in search for them; they'll see you and smile back. Take the time to talk and share - Be good to yourself first and always. Share what you can afford to with your community and those that you can call friends. Be you :) and always remember to smile :)

I think you should concentrate on you first, began pampering yourself by making an appointment at a spa. Make over is always good, join a gym, its not always about getting in shape, but working out helps you to feel better. Ofcourse you will meet new girlfriends and this might get his undivided attention that you are looking good and working out. Just because your 55 years young don't mean your dead....

Read here and also in the "I Live In A Sexless Marriage" group. Most will say just leave, some will say find a friend with benefits. There must be some reason you stayed so long but if the reason was fear then it was the wrong reason and it's way past time to go. Since you have work you can make it on your own and all you have to lose is half the debt. See a lawyer.It really hurts to be alone when you are sitting right next to someone who is supposed to be the one. I found a friend who I can share many things with that my wife does not share with me. It was difficult at first but now is very comfortable and has even improved the relationship I have with my wife.

I can understand how you feel. Although my situation is a bit different, I do understand the sexless marriage, lack of intimacy and even how it feels to be alone even in a marriage. I am currently living alone in a small town because my spouse has moved to another state and plans to remain there. You ertainly can start again. You probably have a lot of opportunities to meet people and enjoy your life but the hardest part is making a decision to end the relationship and move on. Because of my circumstances, I could not take that option. Anyway, if you would like to chat here on EP, I would be happy to hear from you. If you see me online, send me a message and we'll talk.