My Marriage Is Falling Apart

15 years married, 4 beautiful children. Three years ago I got my first job, I started feeling that I could do things on my own and for myself..independent I could say. My husband started slacking and then stopped working. I had to be the bread winner now plus I still had to do everything that I did when I wasn't working for the kids, home, and husband. It started to become to overwhelming for me. I would tell my husband to go to work and he would just ignore me and lay there all day. So I be at work all day and he started getting jealous because by the time I get to bed I would be tired and wouldn't want to be intimate and he would say I was cheating....I got tired of it, we would start arguieng and it lead to a lot of bad words said that we would both regret and we would say sorry to each other and it would happen over and over. So the last three years have been a roller coaster and these last couple days things have been said that should not ever come out of a husband and wife. We have said so many times by now that both of us don't care if we hurt each other. The respect is no longer there. We have our kids hearing us and it's not fair to them. Sometimes I feel I know I'm still with my husband because of our kids and I don't want them to hate us for we are putting them through the unhappiness that is ours. He says he feels my love for him left a long time ago....sometimes my feelings change for him..I don't know what to do...I don't have my sister ( rip), dont have any close friends...that's why I write things down on paper and then crumble it up, but maybe I want someone to talk to or relate what I'm going through.
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26-30
3 Responses Jan 10, 2013

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Pinky Khumalo

I know how u feel. I have been seprated with my ex for almost 2yrs now. We were together for 14yrs. I dont know what to say cause I decided to leave him finally and now i sit here wondering if I should have stayed. He didn't work very much. He was an electrian and made good money but he was bipolar and would get mad and quit. So finally all 4 of our kids started school so I started working and doing the samething that u did think i didnt need him. He started putting me down and telling me that I was no good and just made me feel really low. There was so many times I cried without him r my kids knowing. I got with him when I was 16 and he was 28. He would tell me how he would kill me and nobody would find me. He would tell me he would never get with anyone else for at least years. Not even 2 yrs seprated he has a female that got out of prison with a 10 year sentence that is living with him. Now he throws me crazy and dont even want to talk to me and I sit here knowing that I am happier without him I got friends now that I could never have but I also sit here wondering if he is doing everything that he did with me if hes doing with her. I get lonely sometimes and wish I had someone there again to hug, hold and love me again. I feel I am gonna stay single for the rest of my life and now that it crosses my mind it makes me really depressed. I have family close by but I cant talk to them about the way I feel cause they seen how he treated me and I dont know y I miss him. I dont know I am so lost and dont think I will ever find out. The best thing I can say is listen to your heart and belive in GOD and that is all u need. I figured out that everyone has feelings and GOD is the only true person that listens and does tell u what to do but to let u figure it out on your own. My god bless u and ur family and let u be truely happy.

Dont worry it took me forever to get the gusts to leave him. It took me like 5 years of **** to say it is enough. I to have four kids and yes it hurts me to know that my youngest girl 13yr and oldest boy 12 yrs wanted to live with him after everything i have done for them. I love them so much and miss them but I see it as, as long as they r happy cause that is all I ever wanted was for my 4 babies to be happy and not have to see all the fighting we did. I see them everyother weekend but it will never be the same as if they were with me. I dont have very many friends just bearling meeting ppl cause my ex would not allow my to have any friends and I am very shy and everything he use to tell me stills goes through my mind and I try not to think about the neg things he use to tell me. Sometimes I wonder if i should have stayed but as time goes by I think to my self I am so happy with out him. In time u will know what u want and just remember yes we have kids and we want them to be happy but you also need to think you deserve to be happy and feel in control of your life too. Kids understands more now days then in the past. All u have to do is sit down and be honest with them and let them know how u feel. Well you take care of urself and dont waste to much time on something u know in ur heart will never changel

Hi, am going through a tough time with my marriage myself..would love to chat with you:)