I Feel Like Im Losing My Mind

For 5 years now my wife has been pushing me away intimately. Her health started to decline, had her own two scares with possible cancer, loss of a sister to cancer, etc. Thru it all I have been with her every step of the way, I have never left her side.

Its like the Toby Keith song "I want to talk about me...". I was in a crisis, and our church congregation (its very small) and even our pastor said "you need to be there for her, its all about her right now" I was waiving a red flag, and thats the help I get. So I withdrew, like a wounded animal sitting in the back of a cave licking their wounds.

All this time she has been "I dont need counselling", well i went, and i am very glad i did. It took me being in such despair, and in a 33 yr marriage, that I asked for the "D". She comes unglued and acts like its my fault and actually had the "balls" to acuse me of having an affair. Believe me I have considered it, but it hasnt happened. She went behind my back and told my mother while i was at work one day "were working on it". I told her "when was i part of that conversation" and that i resented her going behind my back like that. This left my mother with the impression that i was mad at her. Hell my mother is the one woman in this world i can trust and confide in, the one that i know would never let me down.

I have learned to be very "in your face" upfront and direct to the point. I have told her that "im not having an affair, but if it happens it happens and im not going to lose sleep over it".

To feel the touch of your mate is a basic human need. Just to know someone else cares about you, gives you a reason to go on. Im not suicidal, that is just never an option. But many times ive felt like "you know if i die today it really would be ok, because at least then i wouldnt be feeling the pain i feel right now.
txtazman txtazman
51-55, M
2 Responses Jan 15, 2013

I hope things are going for you ok i know the feeling of wanted to die . All these different stories , i think ep has helped me . I hope it can give u strength

I think she is deep in "da river denial", seems to feel helpless as for what to do. i dont , push, i offer only when i am asked to then very discretely. i told her how i felt betrayed about her going to my mother and that i couldnt trust her not to go "Global Thermal Nuclear" on me if i did insist (yes she made that threat too) once made i cant forget, for if i forget that will get me screwed blued and tatooed for sure.

i am comfortable with seeking comfort and she knows it. i am discreet as well.