Another Installment Of A Continuing Saga

Ok, sorry for the title, its been one of those days, had to tell the boss to quit beating me.

Now on the serious note. Wife had her annual "P" exam, and based on a previous exam and that something had to be cut out, she had an onogology specialist OB do the exam. Nothing new, but the possibility is it could come back, and last time that had to remove more than she had been led to believe.

Now I am a gentleman, i have never, nor will i ever force myself on anyone, just not an option. But her medical condition makes a lot more sense now why she is not physically nor emotionally ready for physical intimacy with anyone. If youve followed my story line, you will know ive lived an intimacy free life for 5 years now. Dont get me wrong ladies, because i do empathize with her, it really makes a lot more sense now. But ive been her rock and her biggest supporter for 5 yrs. Our pastor, never bothering to ask why i felt i was in a crisis, said "you just need to be patient, its all about her right now" That set me back, your pastor your supposed to trust. The effect it had was to make me withdraw evern further into the back of my cave, and away from the pastor and the congregation.

I have been so alone, and lost. Im having a very serious crisis of faith in myself, which has deeply affected me both personally and professionally. I feel like ive been losing my damned mind. But this i know, im going to explore the possibilities, and if im lucky..... All i have to say to you nay sayers is "untill you have walked in my shoes and looked at my life thru my eyes" dont you dare to presume you know what is best for me. Ive made my peace with my creator, and will sleep well at night. She hasnt said it verbally, but she knows i will be very discrete and not flaunt it in her face. Nuff Said!
txtazman txtazman
51-55, M
1 Response Jan 17, 2013

i totally sympathise with you and discrete is the word for your situation you do what you have to do as long she is understanding you be ok people who have criticize you before are clueless of your situation ( probably feminist) good luck to you sir i hope you find what little happiness there is in this world