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Is This How Most Marriage End?


I guess I have a typical and common story.

I am married for 16 years. I was very happy and in love at the beginning.  I had love, romance, affection and everything a human being need. 
Since then we had 2 daughters, 7 and 6 years old.
They are the joy and love of my life now.  Every day I see them grow and learn new things, they make me happy.  I really love my daughters and I would never be able to live without them.

But since we had them, all the love, romance and affection is gone between my wife and I.  I always believed that children need both parents to be raised with all the love and care they need.  I still believe like that, even if this make me lonely with no love life. 

People told me that this will past, given time love will come back.  But as the months and years go by, we only grow apart. 
We do not talk beside ours family needs, food, education, money, etc.  As we will endlessly argue if we talk about anything.
We share different beds, as it help her sleep better.  We used to have many activities together, but not anymore.

Lately my wife told me I have to be gone from the house every second Friday night, she want to have girls only night at our house.  And she want me to have fun with other people.  I used those Friday to see old friends, which is very good.  About 1 month ago she put a condom in my wallet and told me that I should see other people and have fun.  I guess this tell me, we will not be having sex together anymore and I should find somewhere else now. 
But sex is not what I need the most.  Love, romance and sharing feelings are what I am missing.

As to why or how this happen?  I know since I met my wife she wanted children.  I have a good job and I have a very good salary.  I guess she saw I would make a good father, with my love for children, my family values and my good job.  I would guess now she does not have to be nice with me anymore and does not need my love, as she have our daughters love.

It may also be in the last 16 years we took different path in our life and went in different direction.  This may be, but it is still the same result for me, I am lonely and no love or romance anymore.

lonellyman lonellyman 36-40, M 4 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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The sex part is always there but I need more than that. I could live without that. What I need now is love, affection and romance. I understand what you're going through. Maybe not the same exactly but i do understand.

I feel your pain brother, and .dont have an answer for you but to tell you, you are not alone. Ive been married 33 and for five years have lived a intimacy free marriage. im at the point where i dont believe in myself, and just want to know i can still be a man with a woman. It took me asking for "D" for her to wake up and smell the coffee. Ive had to remind her ive been here for her the whole time. In her defense shes had some pretty scary stuff happen medically, including a "snip" after her annual "Pap" that has her all messed up medically and emotionally. All you have to do is talk to me brother, you have a friend if you need one.

you can talk to me if you are lonely

Hi Lonely Man...just a thought, but have you considered a marraige retreat for couples...? When I first got married, friends of mine reccomended a marraige retreat every year, to sustain and maintain the connection and intimacy which can so easily fall by the wayside as the years pass by...my husband and I did not follow this advice, however, and 18 months into our marriage it is already resembling a barren wasteland...I wish you luck my friend, as there is nothing more soul-destroying than an unhappy union between two people. :-(

We did that a couple of time per year before we had kids and after. But now it is so bad that even in the car going to the retreat we would argue all the way and not enjoy our time there at all.