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I Did Not Marry My Best Friend - And I Regret It

I married the man who asked me. He isn't much of a talker, and he has been set in his ways from Day 1. I'm not happy and I don't do my part in speaking up and asking. Partly because I was a "nagging wife" in my first marriage. I vowed to myself I would never be that type of person in future relationships. I've had better chemistry in previous relationships and friendships. But for some reason, he asked, and I said yes. I even waited 6 months to answer his proposal because we both knew we were not too sure about marriage. After premarital counseling I made the decision and we went through with the nuptials.

Now 2 years later, everything has gone downhill: he opted to take a new job (against my advice) which he lost a month later, our credit card debt built to the point where I had to go on a debt management plan, we found out we are infertile. Are these signs that I should have taken into account before we said "I Do"?

I miss that chemistry, not fearing that what I say is going to offend my mate. I miss having someone to laugh with. I do a lot for my husband. I am not trying to brag, but I cook every day, even fix his plate, I clean the house, I do the house repairs... and in the bedroom... but it is just not reciprocated. Not in gifts or gestures. Verbally, the most he will say is "you're so beautiful" or some type of general compliment like that. But I don't feel love in any way from this man.

I do love this man. But I need a companion in him.
Just1Lady Just1Lady 31-35, F 4 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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It is so frustrating to feel that your partner is not being a real partner for you. So difficult to know what to do. Is he willing to work on this? Would you want to be with him if he made progress? It might be kindest to both of you to separate and start over with new people. Feeling lonely like this puts you at risk of an affair, and an affair is a whole new mess. He may never be what you need, but perhaps it is worth giving him a chance to try. Talk to him about what you need (don't be afraid to "nag" a little, when it is something important to you). Maybe go to counselling together. Then at least you can say you both really tried everything.

Wow, this is great advice, thank you. And every thing you said has been running through my head for weeks. I am not even sure where he stands on things lately. He is so quiet and reserved it is very rare that we can ever sit down and have a serious conversation. I often hear "if it weren't for the kids we would not be together" and that is how I feel. I don't want to, but I do. It's definitely a test of faith for me. and I am not sure what the next steps will be.

I feel your pain in this. Does he actually say that you two wouldn't be together if not for the kids? Well, whether he says it or not, you are definitely unhappy here, and I hope you guys can discuss and see some changes. It is amazing how fast we can be made happy if the other person puts in some positive changes. But I also know how it feels to be at the end of your rope and want it to go one way or the other, for the better or for the worse, as long as it doesn't stay the same. I hope things get better for you, and that you can find your happiness and your peace.

Thank you so much for sharing.

Your profile is restricted and I can`t send you a message til you unrestrict your profile. Go to you profile and go to settings I believe and then people will be able to send you messages or reply to your message to them.

I will gladly chat with you.

Hi There, I don't know how to use the chat feature..

Well I`ll send you a message and you reply there.

Try sending a message to someone.