'golden Handcuffs"

Lest you get the wrong idea, let me clarify that the golden handcuffs are financial and healthcare related. I am a 66 year old woman, married 20 years to a man who admits he is cold, unsharing,emotionally frozen. When we married, he was attentive, loving and rather charming.

I am very outugoing, and 'alive'. I love to laugh and spend time with friends. I would love to travel. I would love to do many things, but I am married and single at the same time!
Our marriage has been fraught with bickering, sleeping in separate rooms, and not infrequent talks fo divorce. I feel as if this is a parent-child relationship, since I do all the caretaking.

At my age, if I leave, I only have social security to live on and I lose my healthcare coverage.

I feel trapped and resentful these days. He sits in his 'chairs', one in front of the TV, the other facing his computer. He never talks, and admits that he has no interests at all. Nothing sounds interesting to him, other than golf with his buddies.

He does some woodworking..so off to the garage he goes for hours.

He never talks to me, doesn't know how to carry on a conversation ,either privately or in social settings. He reminds me of Archie Bunker, actually, in his prejudices!

I am so painfully aware that time has run out for me i nthe relationship arena; there is no time to build a lifetime of shared memories with someone.

I just needed a moment to 'speak outloud' of my lonliness, which is so overwhelmming. I cry myself to sleep many nights...and will do so again tonight.
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 20, 2013

thank you for sharing. i read your post this evening and literally thought that i had read something i would have wrote in the future. its scary but true. i not going to say that i pity you, but i will say that i feel sad for you (if that makes sense) i just feel how heavy your heart is and how much life you still have to live. its sad and yet inspriring...inspiring in the sense that if it wasn't the one thing holding you back you'd still have enough life to create happy wonderful loving memories with someone else...or even on your own. life is different these days. i would say DO IT! lol but realisitcally that may not be a choice. i wish it was for you. i really do. there is nothing worse than a person who wants to live to be isolated and trapped and the worst...alone and married.
you lived a wonderful life as you say and created many many lasting memories....maybe now, instead of being in love with your lives together, be in love with your life as a woman and as an individual. focus on what makes you happy my dear, and LIVE for that. its ok that you have seperate lives, make the most of the one you have now. best of luck, and a big hug!

- browneyeblues.