I Need Some Advice

The only thing I can suggest is that you talk to her and find out what is going on. Ask her what ahe wants out of the marriage. Maybe there is something going on that she is reluctant to talk about but once you do you will be able to find the right path again. Maybe it is as simple as the two of you just need to start doing things together again or it may be much more complicated than that. Without knowing the two of you better that is the best advice that I can think of. I hope it helps.

First, know that it's more common than you might think - I bet half of the couples you're friends with are in similar situations, but they're as reluctant to discuss it as you probably are.

The reasons vary, but often include:
- the time and hassles of raising kids
- becoming too comfortable with each other, and not taking time to strengthen your relationship even when you do have time
- growing apart: no one can predict who they'll be in 25 years, so it's no surprise if you and your spouse don't grow along parallel trajectories
- medical issues
- if the change is sudden, an affair might be the cause

As for what to do, I think the first question is to ask yourself what sort of outcome you want, and what you think she wants. If you both want things to be like they were before, I think it can be done - talk to your wife about it, and start setting up "date nights" or whatever (real dates, not just routine boring Friday night sex) to try to re-connect. It'll be awkward the first few times, but hopefully you'll both get into the spirit of things fairly quickly.

If she doesn't see the situation as a problem, or one or both of you don't want to re-connect, then you've got bigger problems. That's what happened to me: we drifted so far apart that I simply can't imagine ever becoming close again - I'd be more likely to be compatible with a random stranger than with my own wife. There's so much accumulated bad emotions that I wouldn't want to re-connect even if I thought it was possible. In cases like this, I really think going your separate ways is the only choice.

It's painful to admit that it's come to that, and scary to actually do it, and expensive no matter how you slice it - but if you'll never be happy in the current situation then it really comes down to either being unhappy forever, or being unhappy until you leave. When you look at it that way, it's kind of a no-brainer. And sooner is better than later - as someone on EP pointed out, no one ever left an unsatisfying relationship and wished they were still in it, but nearly everyone who leaves an unsatisfying relationship wishes they had left sooner.

For me, I spent many unhappy years discarding "bad" solutions like leaving, in the hopes of somehow finding a "good" solution. Eventually I accepted that there simply are no good solutions: it's a lose/lose deal no matter what you do. But once you accept that there's no good solution, you can begin seriously considering which of the bad solutions is the least bad. And though you may have voluntarily deferred your happiness for years (raising kids or whatever), that doesn't change the fact that you deserve at least a chance to be happy. We all do. Have enough self-respect to arrange your life in such a way that you have that chance (without unduly hurting others, of course).

I have been married 15 years, and am going through the same thing, I think it is that people change. We have kids, jobs, friends, and as we grow we change.
I'm not an expert by any means, what I am trying to do it to bridge the gap, someone has to make the effort, I have recently began a close relationship with our lord Jesus Christ, and I have been trying to share that with him, watching a TV show that he loves and I hate....lol just to be together, even when I don't want to!!
I truthfully feel the same way there is no passion or desire anymore to please him, but I am in this far I figure I need to do all that I can, stay close to god in prayer and I believe that the path either way will be revealed. You are not alone and I don't know if anything I said helps, but god bless you and your marriage and I will pray for you :0)
Laurie