Hi, this is my first experience in any kind of "chat" or "talk forum", not sure what to call it. I have been married 26 years. I have know him since I was 11 years old. We were actually divorced, then we remarried, lol. We were quite young in our marriage I suppose. Thing is, I am just a much more "intimate" person than he is. I feel like he is my companion. Also, he has an addiction that I have no one to tell about it to. Also I do not know what direction to take in my life right now :/
Timetotalk Timetotalk
46-50, F
19 Responses Aug 19, 2014

I see by the other answers you have received that many good people can be your friends. You just need to take care in your choosing.
I do hope you will find people that you can trust and can discuss the things that are important to you and your life. Keep browsing the experiences and ask some questions. I am sure you will find the friends you are seeking.
Thank you for opening up and sharing with us.
I send you smiles.

Well welcome! hope you can find some friendships. Just remember that not everyone on here is trustworthy and its easy to decieve, and create profiles that aren't accurate. That said there are lots of wonderful people on here, but an equal amount of not so wonderful keep your guard up!

well frist you go straight on 95 till you get to va. & the you stay on 95 till you get to Richmond,Va. & then you take exist :) lol or just give me a call & i'll tell you how to get here :) lol

You just made me laugh and that was great! :)
Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect

good glad that I did :) lol I figured it might darling :):) so why is a happily married woman so lonely ?? or are you happily married ??

you are not a lone we love our mate but also are lonely at the same time.

We all feel alone at times. You need to feel comfortable being alone and trust in love

Do u want to talk w me?

You are far from alone. It's a very difficult time to be in this situation. I to have no clue what direction to take my life. It's a very confusing time indeed.

Ok

What is up?

Hi Timetotalk - welcome to EP.
You're not crazy - there are thousands on here who feel alone in whatever circumstances they find themselves.
Just take it slow and you'll build up a group you feel comfortable with.
Just share what you want and you'll get replies.

Hi and welcome to EP. You will find a lot of good souls here, all in the throes of living life, taking time outs here....lol. Hope you make good friends here...I know I have. Jiks

You are a nice soul, honest and truthful. That's a predicament perhaps with many like you. While, a human gets drawn into negative thoughts arising out of anxiety, fear, boredom etc, it's for one to look within at what talent, skills, strengths, aptitude etc you got, recognize it and see if you can put some into practice. That way, you start feeling good about self and what you do, without feeling negative about one's partner. that i feel is the way forward.

one word can fix that empty that u feel ==> faith

Cone sit on my face, I'll make it all better......

Hm. I'm young so in the way of life experience I'm not very rich. But from as early as I could comprehend I've been taught that if I'm not happy, change it.

I'm a free spirit, I don't believe that age ties you down. In fact, if you're already lonely then the only thing to improve your situation is to explore, make new friends, or if you feel extremely lonely; divorce. Divorce isn't an action a lot of people like to encourage, but if you're lonely and unhappy about it I see no point in binding yourself for the sake of loyalty to another who doesn't fulfil you.

It isn't just you. I have been happily married for 22 years and I am lonely a lot too. It is a level of comfort that we get with each other I think that makes us feel this way. Cheating though, isn't the answer. It is a quick emotional fix that will all but ruin your life. Take your life in the direction of making some new friends, online or off line and try to get past this urge to explore.

I'm not looking for anyone ... but it still happens sometimes pleasant conversation ..

do you think that what you have is salvageable? Are there posiives worth keeping? What is causing you to feel lonely.

To be completely honest, no but I wish It could be, I wish so much. There are positives but the negatives outweigh. I feel lonely because I do most everything alone. We pretty much have nothing in common, well a few things. We are opposites. Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect

I'm in a similar situation. I had to sit down and think what the positives were. I find that I do more activities outside of the house my older daughter than with my wife. Like really should I be jogging 5k with a kid who runs circles around me, or I bring all 3 to the beach.

Our daughter is 24 and out of the house, on her own. I spent a long time doing things with her instead of my husband. Not on purpose, it's just him and I are so different, plus he is a little bit of a workaholic. How come your wife doesn't jog with you? Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect

My wife reviles most forms of physical activity. She's very overweight and embarrassed of how she appears, consequently she also dodges family pictures.

1 More Response

you have left a lot of things up in the air as to why you thinks are so bad... you can add me if you want to chat not for anything other then that

Thank you for your reply. I am still right now getting the feel for this site and how it works :) Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect

free to chat with me anytime you just want someone to talk to

Thanks so much! :)
Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect

My husband and I have become so distant mainly because we are so very different. Also, there have been some issues he has that I have been unable to talk with anyone about. He treats me second best. Makes me feel worthless. ......oh jeez, I sound like such a drag! sorry, I really am a happy person, outgoing, fun-loving, free spirit, he is total opposite.
Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect

My situation was the same until this year. Much of the distance was my own fault, I was convinced that society would be harmed by my husband if I did not control him. My husbands father and his friends did not want my husband coming back after he was discharged from the military and taking his civilian job back. To help the people out that did not want their life and family disrupted by my husbands return I distanced my self from him with promises of normalizing our relationship at a later date.
However under the state law he was also made responsible for my care the rest of his life because I am bi polar, He can't come up with the perpetual care money for me.
The state wants right now 2.3 million as a one time up front payment and then 1/2 of anything he earns for the rest of his life for a divorce. It really would leave him with nothing for himself.
There are others involved too, His father who was the one that convinced me that when my husband came back he needed to let things stay stagnant , be content with where he was placed, with what he was asked to do. just let the community, his job, and society get used to his return. his father said just get him to let the people around him not be disrupted by his return, his father said I have a lot of friends that need this, his youngest brother and sister could be hurt socially if he starts using his seniority to take vacations, jobs, holidays, and weekends, from other parents, It was only to be a year or two.
Two years went by and his father got to be part of the republican party in local politics, My husband tried to use his seniority to get off 2nd shift
several times but I would say just please don't disrupt peoples lives and I will normalize our life. the two years turned to four, then eight. then my husband stopped talking to me at all in 1995, He suffered some really bad headaches every day. he would go into work at 2;30 pm and com home about 4 the next morning after a 12 hour shift Since had come back in 1985 he had not had a day off or worked a shift less than 12 hours, Whenever he tried to take a weekend, or a holiday his father would show up screaming about who was going to have to do without being at some ball game, daughters gymnastics meet, or who had non revocable plans that my husband was going to cost. I would make the same promise just to get him not to fly off the handle, In 95 the head aches became so bad he would come home take a shower until the hot water was gone. Turn off all lights and sounds in the bedroom and take four or five tylonol pm and sinue tab. and I would leave for what he thought was a job at the newspaper, That's what it was until a friend there took me to an amatur night at a topless bar on evening I started dancing that night and for the next six years made some very good money dancing, I put most in trust and its still there, I was having some affairs, most set up by my husbands father with his friends, Even tried to get pregnant in a couple.
My husband continued just working, He was wearing a set of ear plugs and **** at work because noise hurt so much with his headache, his father said he was being a big baby trying just to get some time off, don't you pay attention to that. By 2001 his foot was dragging he was having trouble standing without handholds. His father said what a big fake, he should be used to working these hours now, Other people need the time more than he does, he said besides I was not lonely, he was right I was not. The on July 31 my husband went to work, at seven thirty that evening I got a call from the community hospital, telling me my husband was being sent to a neuro surgical unit sixty miles to the south, and I had to go sign for his treatment, I called off that night, then called his father to get a ride. On the way down his father said watch the doctor is going to be really angry his time was wasted by my sons fakery. His mother said we don't know that, All the way down he talked about what he found out my husband did at work that after noon. He said his supervisor said he arrived at work crying big crocodile tears, his foreman said it looked like rivers running down his face, then just because a coworker became mad at a hard tool change he bounced an Allen wrench off a machine hitting my cry baby son in the head, She told me she had to go out and get my son to drop the man because he had him by the throat a foot off the floor, can you believe she was planning to just give him a week of personal time off, Then my big son throws up all over her and passes out. He said this has to be the most embarrassing day, just to find he was faking. When we arrived we were shown to the endoscopic center, The doctor walked out and before he said a word my father in law stood and started apologizing about wasting his time and asking when we could get his son back to work, The doctor looked at his mother and e and asked to show us some thing, he told my father in law to shut up and put some CT scans and MRIs on a computer screen, He said, I can't imagine the headaches my husband suffered. He said he has a tumor on his Brain stem that is causing adult onset hydrocephalus, or brain swelling, the tears were cerebral spinal fluid being forced out around his eyes. The emergency surgery preformed over the next fifteen hours was a hole drilled from over his right eye to the center of his head. The doctor gave him an even chance of not making it through the surgery, His father said he should just go back to work told the doctor to wake him up and on his feet, my mother in law asked what my husbands chances were if he did not have the surgery. The doctor said he should not be alive now, She signed the treatment paperwork, and so did I.
After the surgery my husband was supposed take 60 days off, in medical leave. Six days later my father in law showed up at my front door, he had eight other men that worked in my husbands department with him they just pushed me out of the way and yanked my husband out of bed, told him his absence was causing chaos where he worked one said you are not going to get my vacation postponed. Your going back. my husband was to week at that time to resist and went, his father said he can recover at work just as well as be lazy at home.
Two months later my husband saw a chance to get off second, out of the oil, coolant, and heat, The company had built a new plant and put job bids up, My husband put his 23 years of seniority up. a man with 8 did to. The local union and my husbands father wanted the man with 8 to get the job, he was the son of a county commissioner, he was an all county basket ball star in high school jus was not smart enough for a scholarship. the local tried to give him the job, but my husband took a greivance to the national union who overrode the local and gave the job to my husband, I was planning to go ahead an give a normal marriage to my husband when his father came to me with his local president to ask to influence my husband, so I promised to show my husband a night he would never forget if he just backed down. He said tonight. I said first he had to take his name down, he told me my promise meant nothing, and I could drop dead.
His father tried to influence him and was tossed out of the house, All peaceful methods of getting my husband to remove his name were done So I was told that I had to lock my front door to let my husband be persuaded to just cooperate the next morning, his father said my husband needed a lesson in humility and might get a little roughed up, I am from the NYC area and had seen things get bad for the wives and children when things like this went down so I did as asked.
At 4:00 am The man and three friends came up on our porch right on my husbands heel, my husband got the entire area awake and looking with how loud he became. I found out this was to get as many witnesses as possible. Then the Commissioners son and the other tried to jump my husband. I saw a very savage beating, My husband lashed out with his elbow right between his eyes shattering his eye sockets. The one that was to hold my husband in place with an arm bar around his neck went into the air, it had to be ten feet up and fifteen feet into the street he broke both legs and an arm when he hit, another got a straight fist to his chest with my husbands full force, Several ribs broke an two went into his lungs and he started bleeding from his mouth on our porch the last one had grabbed a wrought iron fence post and came at my husband. My husband just feel put his foot in his armpit and puled his arm I saw it turn over in its socket, leaving him screaming, I heard the sirens at that point, The police arrived and started taking statements from everyone that saw what happened including me, The ambulance arrived and applied a defribulater to the one bleeding on the porch and loading them for transport to a major trauma center., His father roared up wanting to know how bad his son was hurt to find him washing blood off the porch, I guess his scanner had people screaming our address, He found out the next day how bad the four men were hurt, He said was your selfishness worth nearly killing four men, why can't you just back down, why can't you just sit down shut up and do as you are instructed. My husband informed him he was not willingly going to work another holiday or accept any more of his rights being interfered with. he turned to the door and I did not unlock it with the look my husband had on his face. he picked up the iron post and tore the door frame and all out walked in and instructed me that the next time I ever did anything like that again I would receive the same treatment.
After that everything that my husband tried to take off any holiday he tried to take off he was escorted to work by several people and a shot gun in his back held by his father, Last year my husband discovered me in an affair with an old Boy Friend, My husband had retired and had developed MRSA in his spine since 2001, He was not supposed to get out of a wheel chair but over three years he made a tall red oak and Peuter cane. He trapped me and an old BF in the drive and I asked to take things inside. my BF said watch this as my husband was going to sit down, and he swept his cane, putting my husband face first on the floor , started laughing and calling him pathetic, I saw the same stony look I saw 13 years ago. I tried pushing him out of the house when that cane whizzed past my head fracturing my Boy Friends scull. My husband wanted me to witness what came next, He pull himself over to where my BF hit the floor, every time he tried sitting up after he regained his wits my husband would slam his fist into his face. I tried to stop it but he just swatted me into a corner and I call the police My friend was taken to the hospital, My husband was put into a stress center for anger management. We did not expect my husband home for three weeks and his father asked me to go with a friend to a political funding dinner, I was getting ready when my husband was standing in the room. I told the truth and said it was a favor for his father, My husband said his father or his friends had no say in my or his life at all, He said that I was not going. Then said I owed 31 years of married life and tonight he was collecting the initial payment on the dedt. I became scared and tried to run for the door. he caught my dress and said, I paid for this its staying as he ripped it off me leaving me standing in my garter belt and stockings in the living room. I begged to meet anywhere after the event and we would talk things through, He said that time has ben past for two decades. I begged not like this please, He said the note is due now. He had his way, The man I was supposed to go with was hammering on the door when my husband finished. My husband answered the door and told him that I was indisposed to get his rear gone, the man punched my husband and tried forcing his way past. My husband with cane in one hand grabbed the man by the back of his neck and threw him over the porch rail face first into the cement drive.
His father and mother had been informed of his release And took off for our house, His father had hoped to arrive before his friend and back my husband off with his shotgun, until he found the barrel had been hammered flat and acid poured into the receiver by my husband a few months before, his friend hit right in front of him as he pulled in. His mother saw her son and knew something was very wrong and came to talk with me while his father helped his friend. She found me crying in the bedroom in my robe, She demanded to know why her son had become this way, she got most of what happened between her husband me and her son over the last 31 years. She turned and made my ears ring called me a female dog, and nothing better than a prostitute. when she heard his father a her son yelling on the porch she went out and just about turned her husbands face to the other side of his head, told him to shut up, his father said we had to control him. keep him from taking his rights for the good of all, she said one more word you will get knocked on your rear. We are leaving, My husband had several strokes because of MRSA complications, The first time in 32 years my husband was not in a medical facility or working on a holiday was Memorial day. I was the hostess the cookout at my and my husbands home, my husband had started our move out west last year but came back to sell our house and make repairs from the bad winter, and finish getting the rest of the things we wanted. but he cleaned the carpets got the grill ready and polished the silver for me, I refused to ask him not to be here for the cookout. His father walks in a half hour before the event was starting and tells my husband he has to leave for the next eight hours until he was called home, my husband just about spit in his face. his mother stopped thing from coming to blows right then and his brother and sister arrived, They could tell there was a big amount of tension. His mother had told them why their brother had never been at a holiday get together, all I could do was say I am doing as my husband wants, I was not going to get in the middle, his father complained his son will never learn just because others have rights does not mean he has them, my husband did most the cooking and it went well until the end, his father usually made reservations at a nice club or place for drinks and dancing after the get together for all that were expected, his father told my husband he was not invited and his mother said this is where pigs or people fly. He handed the friend that went into the drive last year a ticket for me and him, said its only right after what happened last year. He grabbed my hand and went for the door when my husband stood in front of us. He said the only man my wife will be with is me tonight, he told his fathers friend if he did not turn the reservation ticket over and scram he was going to need a ride to the emergency room again to remove his arm from his rear. He took off dropping the ticket like Satan was chasing him. his father came up and sad that's the second time he was rude to his friend and he was getting very tired of my husband taking what he thought were his rights as well as getting tired of his lip, then he slapped my husband in front of everyone, he broke two fingers doing it, my husband said This is it. you have interfered where you had no right to interfere for your friends, you try and make me a door mat to the community. You turn my wife into the community girlfriend all because you think I had something I had to give to these jerks, Well I don't owe you or anyone else anything here. Your friends mean nothing to me, and you have pointed your last weapon at me, hit me or interfered with me for the last time. He the balled his fist and his father slid 30 feet across the kitchen on his rear from a delivered backhand, he walked up and picked his father up by the collar and said one more time I wont be this nice, and threw him back on the floor.
His father enlisted the help of two friends, because his shotgun was ruined and my husbands mother would not allow another, We had a week before we completed loading and moving and his father wanted a conversation without my husband in the area, one friend held a Glock 9mm on my husband the other a .45 and backed my husband down. we went to a place nearby to meet the two men's wives, my mother in law, his sister and brother in law, My father in law said when my wife asks where your husband is he was not home. Better yet I will tell her. We went in sat down and ordered breakfast, His mother said I had hoped your husband was coming because of the move but his father said he was away when we arrived, the first indication that my husband had found us was his cane laying the faces of his fathers friends open. leaving them face down bleeding into their breakfast, the four officers in the place handcuffed my husband a second latter and everyone asked why my husband did what he did, My husband had recorded everything that had happened on a security cam and turned it over on a thumb drive, The officers watched it and released my husband, relieved the weapons from the two men. his father said we left him standing he should have considered the matter done besides they were not loaded. There was a round in each weapons chamber but not in the clip. My husband said to me you can come with me or when you get home you can collect your bags and use the bus pass any were you wish, I will also get you a cashiers check for what you bought into the marriage. You wont show up at anywhere I might be for six months, at that time I can divorce for spousal abandonment, I got up to leave with him his father said you don't have the right to do this. My husband said I told you the next time I was not going to be so nice, told his father he wanted no more communication with or from him. and we left. He had a heart attack the day we left. His mother said he bought it n himself saying my son should not have bought all this public, There are charges of abuse of an adult, conspiracy to deny civil rights, If I want to try and press my rights about the forced sex last year I have been told that my journals show that my husband had extortion by a spouse. and marital fraud committed against him, He might serve some time but I would serve longer, So I am keeping my mouth shut.
What happened has torn families apart, has set my father in law against the rest of his wife and kids, he does not understand why a man should be angry about being forced to work every day but six for 31 years all 12 or sixteen hours a day. The sixteen wee holidays, he said to some that would be paradise.
I am in exile from the society I knew, all my husband says about it is that the are a bunch of self centered jerks, He says if I want to go back be my guest, but I will not support you. After he had his way one good thing did happen. I had my only child in a very late life pregnancy, He was thankfully with my mother here while we got things at our old house settled. I know if my husband decided to and I left I would lose all rights to him.
What I am saying is that distance can be caused, if there are forces outside that don't need to be involved, take it from one who knows she made several very bad mistakes, Before things come to a head find out what is causing the problem, If you think its you figure it out, If its him point blank ask him. My life went out of any ones control. we thought my husband was the one out of control. Even when he was hammering on those that attacked him he was never out of control, every elbow, punch, knee. or cane beating was delivered with the message stop trying to push me around. Now we live far enough away where the temptation for problem is removed.
I Have Tea with my mother and sister every morning. They love seeing my husband go and saddle up his bay for his daily ride. My mother says I have so much to make up for because she knows everything now, my sister does to and says she wished that my husband noticed her first.
I had several female friends back where we came from tell me I was stupid, If they had a man like my husband they would have chewed his father up.
My husband does not compromise now, He has friends out here from long ago, My mother is introducing me to the friends she made since she arrived, They all think I was lucky to have a son when I did.
I know my husband will never see him grow up, MRSA and the Hydrocephalus have done way to much damage, but my husband being in a place like this will survive longer. Life is short, things need to be settled rather than fester. If its your problem think it through.