Has anyone actually had any success with counseling? Or even just progress? I know every situation is different, but I'm at the point that it's my last hope. I feel like I'm only staying in my marriage because I'm the dependent spouse(stay at home mom) and because of our young children. I'm trying to decide if it's even worth it before I schedule anything.
beth0511 beth0511
26-30, F
18 Responses Aug 22, 2014

Prayer rescued us 1-800-759-0700

Tell hubby what you want.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=814eR5K7KD8&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Christian Counseling works also.

www.marriagetoday.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54QBMxon0BE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I feel the same now that I just had my two month old. I could easily move back in with my mom until I get on my feet but then id feel bad for separating my son from his father.

add me as a friend

My advice is simple. Life really is too short not to be happy. Second advice is that divorcing does not dictate that you must destroy each other in the process. Admit that it is over then divorce as adults. Good luck to you, and may you again know joy, peace, and happiness.

Hey I just read the whole question. I did not see the part about your marriage, the counseling helped me figure me out after my marriage ended. We have kids and almost stayed together for them , I give my ex the credit for being strong enough. I wanted to try to stick it out, but the kids would have suffered, so as young as they were we were honest with them and everyone is great. It sucked hard for the first couple years but it did get way better, we are very close divorced family. I hope this helps

See I don't want to divorce until I know I've done everything possible to save my marriage, but I don't want my 2 month old son growing up in a miserable household.

Yes. But you have to stick to it, keep going, if you don't feel it with the first counselor try another. Good luck

In my friends case, for the first four sessions of counselling all his wife and the counsellor did was complain about Paul (not his real name) and put him down. Then he asked for a session to talk about the relationship from his perspective. The counsellor said good idea. Next session his wife refused to go, so Paul filed for divorce.

Just saying be prepared to hear honest criticism.

yes, I have had some...helped us understand each other better and handle the relationship...bring our expectations in order from each other...we were more transparent with each other...
what has changed? I am sure it was good at some point in time...

I've thought about threatening to leave many times. Honestly, I don't think he would care. He would be upset about the kids, but me not so much.

If you feel he doesn't care, you can salvage and protect what you can of heart and leave before you become a bitter woman, or you can stay in a relationship that degrades you and watch the effect take its place. It'll wear on your soul for years, and it'll change you, from being sweet to being cynical, and it'll effect everyone, including your kids. Consider this, sweetheart. Life is too short to try to reason with a person convinced of their ways in their head. We only get one shot at this.

But be certain. Be frank. Be straight forward.

That's exactly how I feel. I already had divorce papers ready but then I found out I was pregnant and later he deployed so I thought maybe with a baby on the way and him being overseas for 6months he'd change...now 2months after baby and im just ready to throw in the towel.

I know how you feel, our youngest is 5 months and it makes me sick to think this is what he will grow up in. I know adding another baby made our relationship even harder because of the stress a newborn brings.

I just don't know how he's stressed with our new addition when he hasn't helped with anything and I wish I were exaggerating. When I was steal healing I'd ask him for simple stuff like a sandwich cause id be upstairs and it would take him half an hour not to make it but to get up because he'd be doing things that could wait like the video game! So I would be walking around up and down the stairs when I should've been resting

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I'm not a woman, but definitely, if a man isn't putting forth the effort, action usually puts things in place that words can't. If he learns you are about to leave and take your children, it might shock him into action. If you tell him and there is still no action, his heart isn't there. Fear of threat isn't the best way to progress a relationship, I understand that, but it does get attention. It's hard to play a poker face when an ultimatum is in the picture.

Hey Im on the same situation. pls dont hesitate to message me if u need someone to talk to.

Counselling will probably only work if both of you want it to. By the sound of things the only way he is likely to want to is if he thinks that he is losing you. It would be a high risk strategy but if you were to dump his sorry *** he would then be aware that he was losing you. One problem is that by then he might feel insulted that you would want to leave him, and be happy for you to go. Another problem is by then you may be happy to be done with him. Ask yourself if you want to live this way for the rest of your life. You will work out what to do...

I hope we can find someone who can explain things to him in a way I can't. Maybe coming from someone else he will listen, instead of getting defensive.

Counselling does help if both people involved want to achieve the same goal. It's just a matter of trying to understand the things we do.

Counselling is worth it - it just may take a few attempts to find one that works for you and then the both of you.
I think your man should swap roles with you or you should go back to work part / full time and share the responsibility of raising the children. His perspective would change significantly. I get very frustrated when I hear spouses say you've got it easy at home. Boils me, it really does. My wife and I both work and share equally everything, from chores to pick up and drop offs at school. We both manage to have time to our selves, time together and time with the children. At the moment the balance is working well - albeit it's not always smooth.
Some of my previous posts have been very dark.
Just get help as soon as you can. Take care.

It's a severe lack of respect. I don't make any money so essentially I'm useless to him. If I ask for any help with the kids(I mean as simple as helping them brush their teeth), then I'm lazy and not doing my "job". He calls me anything he wants, has no patience with me or the kids for that matter. I'm just fed up and literally haven't even told anyone because I'm embarrassed and feel like I'm failing. He said he would go to counseling, but doesn't care about someone opinion on how to fix our marriage. I'm just hoping if I can get him in the door, maybe something will hit home.

Sounds harsh you shouldn't be taking this stick. He needs counselling or tell him if he doesn't see how he copes on his own might be a different story when he realises how much you do.

Your massively undervalued by your hubby.

That's the worst part, he expects to be praised for working every day. Don't get me wrong, I know he works hard and do thank him for what he does, it's just he gives me no credit for anything I do in return. I don't get it, I give him everything I have. I raise our kids, take care of our home, run all of the errands, cook him dinner every night, try to ask him about his day, encourage him to have one night a week with his friends(we haven't had a date night in over a year) and even have sex with him when he wants. I'm so tired of trying, if counseling doesn't help, I'm going to be forced to leave. I just hate that for our kids.

You need to do whats right for you and your kids .

It must be hard just hope your okay

I don't your husband deserves your consideration. Be done with. He's currently teaching your sons to behave this way and your daughters to accept this abuse. It is abuse!

I hate that he's teaching our kids that this is "normal". The name calling and even worse is normally after they're asleep(thank god), but they know we aren't happy. He tells me all the time that all married couples can't stand one another. He grew up in it which is part of the reason he's like this now. I wish he would just wake up and make an effort. I've told him I don't feel like he loves me and his response is always the same, "if I didn't love you, you wouldn't be living with me". I don't understand how someone can be so down right mean. I hope counseling helps, if he will really try it might.

Reading your posts he sounds extremely frustrated and unable to understand and communicate his feelings. I think counselling is a good avenue for you both. I've been there and I'm / we're still coming out the other side.
Believe in yourself you are an amazing person.
Your passion to resolve the difficulties in your relationship are humbling.

You mentioning that your husband grew up in "married couples not standing each other" mentality helps me understand why my husband things everything is peachy at home. His dad kept going through divorces and my husband has told me that his dad treated his mom like crap so I wonder if he get so upset about how his mom was treated why treat me similarly.

Just makes me think

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Why would you be lonely