Question....Regarding Daughter,,,important

As from my previous posts you know my husband and I have a lot if issues and you also know I just had a baby.

I need some advise......My daughter who is now a month old was in intensive care for 2 weeks. She was born premature and she had a heart murmer and a hole in her heart something they think would repair itself ....hopefully.

She has an appointment to see a doctor in reference to it for an eco ultrasound to see if its closed up or not within the next week and a half. Her pediatrican says that it sounds alot better.

My husbands daughter who is in middle school, we just found out today has her honor rolls for school that same morning. My husband told his daughter, because she was very upset about him not being able to go because of hte baby, he told her that he would try and reschedule our daughters doctor appointment for another day so he could go to her honor roll program at school.

This upset me and he yelled at me while on hte phone with her and we argued all morning long. I think her doctors appointment is more important since its not just a normal doctors appointment.

He stated that he wants his 12 year old to know that she is just as important as the baby and for him to go to it while the baby and I stay home and reschedule the appointment for the heart doctor. He said that is not life threatening.

Am I wrong to be pissed?? Should we just reschedule her appointment for her heart for a day or two so he can go to his daughters honor roll at school?

What does this sound like to you? What should I do? Am I wrong for making a big deal and she should be shown she is just as important as the baby? Please respond

****By the way we only have one car, thats why its an issue****

jc5273 jc5273
36-40, F
7 Responses Mar 28, 2009

I have been through several experiences like yours, and I completely understand how upset you are by that, I got to feel the same feeling that you felt when I finished with your post. I think that you have the right to be angry, it is your baby, your baby's healthy, and that is sacred for you, that is your loved ones and your family and I think that is that what comes first to you as it is the first priority for me. And sometimes first things have to come first no matter what. I know how you feel because I wish my husbands would support me more in those moments. <br />
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And about your question of what to do, believe me I'm trying to figure that out too, it has been a long journey and I'm trying my best to live life as good as possible and trying to be a better person. But I still have faith for some things to adjust and get better.<br />
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I wish all the luck in the world to you and your baby. Be strong and believe that at some point everything gets better.

Life is a constant matter of making decisions and often they aren't cut and dried, easy and self answering.<br />
Seems your husband is making a decision as opposed to your viewing it as a "choice" of his first child over his second.<br />
Mentioned in earlier post but seems to me postponing the doctor appointment if no detriment to physical health is known is a fair and smart compromise...make it a WIN/WIN instead of an either/or for the BOTH OF YOU and BOTH CHILDREN.<br />
What you take to be your husband"s excluding YOUR daughter I view as his seeking including both of HIS daughter's and that is called thoughtfulness.

I usually never give advice, but I will give you some perspective. <br />
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My Mom and Dad divorced when I was 5. My dad remarried when I was 10 and had a baby when I was 11. I rarely saw him after his new child was born. It hurt - I thought he didn't love me as much as his new child. I felt I wasn't important anymore.<br />
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Kids are the innocent ones in a divorce. If you could, and it is not life threatening, change the appointment for your baby and go with your husband to your step daughter's honor roll ceremony. Then, she will know that both her Dad and her Step Mom love her and think she is equally as important as her new baby sister. Everyone comes out the winner that way!

Your husband is doing the right thing.

feel your heart...how does it beat? go with instinct...PS you have fiends here...anytime....Good Luck and i will keep a prayer in my heart for your child.

I wonder if you phone the doctors office and find out if you could move the appointment to another time that day (if there is an opening) that would also allow you to attend the honor roll ceremony, or find out how far out you would have to move it, and if it is more than a day or two, does the doctor recommend that you keep the appointment or is it ok to wait a few extra days?? This may help you decide what is more important.

I am sorry for your baby's heart problem. You know babies are more stronger than us, i beleive they are little warriors :) Im sending good vibes and my prayers to your little one... im sorry about the confusing situation by the way. i can send a warm and friendly hugs to you...<br />
Peace, love and light,<br />
Sleepless