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Married But Lonely

 I am fairly newly married and I am quite sure that I love my husband but he works a great deal and I find myself alone. He is a wonderful provider and I knew that because of the nature of his job, he would be gone alot but I was not prepared for how lonely I would be

     Would never cheat though.

Penelopejones Penelopejones 31-35, F 56 Responses Sep 12, 2007

Your Response


Keep telling yourself you will be healthy in your relationship. You could cheat. I didn't think I would but I did. Take care of yourself and be sensible and healthy.

Feel free to drop me a line penelope XX I'm sure there is loads we can talk about till hubby comes home :) x

oh geez is everybody in the same boat? i just developed a lot of hobbies to compensate for husband's lack of interest. And yes, it is lonely.

I'm in the same boat Penelope, wife travels alot on business. Like you, I wouldn't cheat, but I do enjoy chatting with other married or single women. Sometimes even some hot chat. Add me, let's get acquainted? Thanks, that'd be great.

Hi im married been 15 years, love my wife very much but last 6 years of this marriage is just full of lonelyness, on top of that i found out she had met some1 that short of time and had some filling towards him. which she admit duty denys that it anything more. I have a daughter and i can't think of living her. our sex life is only to get over n done with, when she have to she will say ok and that is just without any sort of intimacy. i am just falling apart. i don't see any love or care from her side, don't know how log i can handle it.

hallo, i know it will all work out. check out it could help you and your family. especially since you seem to be lonely

Would it be possible for him to change his job? I know it's not always easy to get a new job, but he didn't marry his job, he married you. Also, here's a thought....perhaps you could get a job too, so you would also be spending time working. Just make sure that your new job doesn't take away the little bit of time you and he might be able to spend together. :)

I understand completely. Same here but it's been going on for 15 years of our 17-year marriage. When is enough, enough?

you can chat to me so you wont get bored

Hey.i am not an expert although like al these wll say just that you already know that wt u r doing is right..just try to keep urself busy and happy..bcoz when ur husband will feel this thing..that u r so happy even in his absence..he will gv u time.all guys hv this mentality...good luck...

A man who is not missed will check up on what the wife is doing to occupy herself. You have to have a life separate from his that can stand on its own, as well as the married part of your life. Some call it a "girls nite out" but I call it building yourself time. Now don't get me wrong, my marriage together time is very important to me, but it would be suffocating if that was all we did.

Wow. Great advice. This is exactly what I'm trying to do right now. I've given my husband to much.

Hmm great..

I have the same feeling, I'm married but feel I'm the last priority in my husband's list. I even feel like the male in the relationship , I'm the one that looks for sex but even in that field it seems it's not a priority to him, I'm not the most beautiful lady, but Gosh I'm not that bad either, I wouldn't even care if I wouldn't love him, but I do, a lot in fact.

I feel as you were telling my story!!!!know that feelings...

I am married and live in the house with my wife i am the sole bread winner, my wife puts all her time and energy into other things. I have to practically wait until she really wants sex. then it only last for a moment (know what i mean) I want to be held and let the sensative side of me be revealed. I think her sex is out of obligation duty not love. If i go to another woman i am afraid i will stay out there and will not be able to stop.

I am so there with you, there is no really passion and the giving to one another. The emotional attachment that gives you butterflies

I understand how you feel completely. I love my husband and would never cheat on him, but sometimes I feel like I don't know why we even got married.

Am married with three kids and two orphans which makes it husband wks in another always lonely and sad.wen he got this new job he gives it his all and even wen he comes over his thinking of his most of the time am so lonely and need to be loved and be told good words and have good sex which which i dont have anymore.what should i do?

Wow. What a story. The only thing I could suggest is that you talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. It may not help, but it certainly won't hurt.

I 1000% respect your feeling on cheating.
I am married and lonely as well but I love my wife and would NEVER cheat on her...

Good for you!!! there should be more people like you!!!!

if not take a lover ??

is his work something you can do with him , ie travel... is he a salesman? tell him you want
to spend time with him at his job because thats where he is most of the time. Plus it will give him and you a subject to talk about, and when he says so and so did this you will
be able to keep up with his story and be there for him and he for you.

My husband of 55 yrs. was a workaholic in computer field. I had two daughters that I put all myself into. We rarely went anywhere and when we did it was up to me to have everything ready and he would sail in. Now at 77 yrs. I'm going through some tough times even now. Health issues prevent him from going and having fun (diabetes) I really long for a relationship that's just not about fixing meals, and falling asleep watching TV. So..I would encourage you to really talk with your spouse and express your needs. If he doesn't respond to you, then find something stimulating to compensate. I know I went back to school and became a teacher. But at the same time, I now am not able to get out and work, arthritis keeps me out of the yard, and diabetes keeps me from cooking, ha! But, more than anything, I want to say, work on this right now because as you get older it won't get better unless you can express yourself now. You can do it!

ginnysue... Do you regret staying married?

I'm a married man and I'm lonely sometimes, not sure the reason. i love her much but felt missing something....

Ur like me want to be told ur special.

Distance is just a space in between ..its only as far apart as our heart will let wishing you all the best..

I believe we all get lonely married or not. I'm married also & experience so much lonelyness because of his job also. I see alot of this in here.It's usually the military jobs at least in my case. One must try to understand these men have alot of pressures & stresses involved with their jobs. They do become tired both mentally & physically in it all. Sometimes they even want to be alone & just be by themselves just to sort crap out in life. Remember men aren't as much mentally/emotionally involved as us women are. They keep alot inside & sometimes don't like sharing their secrets.In a way it sucks but all one can do is as statedby many is too stay busy & do things you like or just stay busy.Some may choose to move on with someone else while others will just become depressed or just accept the situation. Understand life isn't fair & there are easons why differant events happen.It's like playing a chess move. What happens next if you make a wrong move or your move gets you the winning move? It's up to you . It's your life ...

Obviously she isn't getting something from you or she's getting it from someone else. You have to listen for the hints (maybe by now it is bickering to you...but many times women look for help around the house or with the kids or with something that is important to her.) Women look at intimacy in many ways that aren't necessarily sexual. Women are often stimulated by their brains and if they aren't asked for their opinion or thoughts on things they feel you only want 1 thing. I would kill for a husband who wants to cuddle, massage me (without having to beg for it), for one who wants to talk about their husband is oblivious to anything but his work and then he's too damn exhausted to even talk or cuddle or ask me about my day. I'm just SICK of it.

I agree I do those things for my wife now like help around house after work rub her legs while watching tv help her cook dinner. I barley get a thank you so don't feel bad

Never give up, but you have a right not to be lonely too - maybe, sharing is an option

I see many of the posts here are by women. I'm a man and I'm the one who is lonely in our marriage. (or at least the one who expresses it to the other) Not sure if men just don't like to admit these things and that's why the posts are tipped like this.<br />
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What specifically stinks about my situation isn't that my wife is off doing something important and world changing or making our family a lot of money. She is just plain denying me affection without having expressed any good reason. I'm sure there must be one but after 9 years married, you would think she would want to talk about it rather than let it stew. This lack of affection has caused a lot of tension. It's been going on for 2 years now and I'm depressed and so lonely.<br />
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I don't want to cheat on her. I love her. But just how long does she think I can go without any intimacy before something snaps in our marriage? Mind you, I'm not talking just sex. She doesn't cuddle watching TV, she doesn't kiss me unless I get in her way and ask for it, etc. I don't want to be with anyone else but I need to be with someone. Being emotionally isolated like this is killing me and I'm married for God sake!<br />
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Had I known it would be like this I would never have married her. She treats me like a financial resource rather than a husband. She doesn't work, she doesn't go out of her way to cook or clean much beyond the basics. She can't possibly be tired from doing too much. I'm just so frustrated. I convinced her to see a family counselor but I'm not sure if I'd rather just spend the money on a divorce lawyer. She makes me sad, lonely, depressed and mad all at the same time.<br />
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I'm sorry to be so blunt. But I'm 43 and want to enjoy the company of a woman while I still can. I wish that woman could be my dang WIFE!

I figured it's time for an update. We have resolved a lot of our issues. Some have not changed. She still has not gone to a family counselor like she said she would. Her son is worse, not better. She was supposed to take him with.... then we would all go as a family. Never happened. When we first resolved our issues things were great again. We spoke openly and all the time, hung out more, respected each other more and were more intimate. Now that almost a year has passed, we are back to doing seperate things, snipping at my suggestions, ignoring plans that I make because someone else in her family wanted to do something on the same day and only intimate when she feels like it.. about every 2-3 weeks. sigh I love her. I want to be happily married to her but I feel she needs to do her part. She hasn't and isn't showing any signs of wanting to.

Man please! You ladies need to go out and get a life, I can undersatand the wives who have husbands that are away fighting for this country for 6-9 months, but good grief for all you who have husbands that are gone for just two weeks, the women whose husbands or boyfriends that are gone for 6-9 months wish that they could trade places for those two weeks of seeing their spouse two weeks out of the month. The problem is that you all are sitting on your fannies gossiping about how great the next persons life is when you need to see the benefits of what you have in front of you. Me and my wife are debating the fact should I go Offshore. Here is the scenerio, we don't have a place of our own here in Louisiana , when I say no place I mean just that, no place she is from another country while my mother and father and siblings stay in another state, we don't have the luxury of staying in hers or my parents ba<x>sement until we get straight, we are just that, HOMELESS while I'm at work from 6am to 2:30pm she is riding the bus all day until I get off work. I was recently laid off from my previous employer but since he knew our story he allows us to stay at the office when work hours are done. I want to go Offshore for just 2 months until we save enough money to get our own. So to all you wives who claim they are sad and lonely because their husbands are gone for two weeks making big cash while you spend it on QVC, the mall, internet shopping, etc. etc. etc. I say take the money that you are blowing and do something useful with your time like take up a class of Tai Chi, Yoga, Pilates, whatever just occupy your time and be thankful that you at least get to see your spouses at a set time instead of sitting in front of the tv watching CNN with your heart pounding that the soilders that just got killed from a terrorist car bomb is not your husband.

Loniliness SUCKS!!! I love my wife and vice versa, but we are on and off and that BITES big time. Some days up and others... I don't know why I don't talk with her like she desires daily, its sporadic and I hate it and I try to change that, but moods are different, different days...<br />
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I give affection: hugs, kisses, touching, we play...can lead to sex, but outside of sex. Intimacy is lacking because of lack of talking. Since yall are women, I could use a hand. Thanks!!!

Firstly, you should *know* that you love him; ‘quite sure’ might mean that you know but in different words. Still … you should *know* that you love him.<br />
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Those who married into Armed Forces personnel knew *exactly* what they were letting themselves in for; I do say this with the greatest respect, of course.. Knowing what it is that we let ourselves in for is the greatest advantage. Not realising that your husbands time spent working, missing quality time at home and feeling lonely is entirely different. What‘s different here is the time he gets home. The first time this hits you from a practical and working model) is when you got married and now it hits-home to you<br />
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You say you are lonely, and that’s understandable. Coping with loneliness is what you are going to have to deal with; doing something that will ease those feelings of loneliness is an avenue to explore in such a way that relaxes those feelings by filling your time with something that holds your attention.<br />
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In any event, it’s early days for you and, I’m sure, you will get over this barrier<br />
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No, ladies my husband comes home everyday. I would understand in one way if I would feel the way you all do, if he did work for our goverment or have a great paying job away. But this isn't the case. I'm 45 been married for 10 years and more then once and when I did meet my best friend I've never thought of marriage in the pass seven years. But, he blow me away. I'm a peson who loves life to the fullest. Bad I find good, laugh everyday and every morning no matter what. We lived in south Florida I have 4 kids three grand. Then you wanted to move to Mississippi Even though I didn't I ened there <br />
I speak to my children almost every other day. he, never to his child and that is his problem and he is the only one and can found the questons to that one. ok, this is when things just went a little crazy. I didn't want to move to another state even though i lived there once it wasn't for me ( young and full of dreams) But I love and loved him.My husband is 48 and he acts 78 as I look and feel 35 we work, ****, eat, and sleep now with this YOU tell me what is wrong What can I do and what I shouldn't do. I don't want to leave him for he is a good man just full have sadnest and I don't want to do that. I LOVE HIM AND I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM (HELP).