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Lonely and Blue

Been with the man for 25 years.  Have lived through several "affairs", drug use, alcohol, not to mention the lies.  The past 7 years, (after marriage counseling), had been awesome.  But alas,  He says he no longer loves me like he thinks he should.  I believe him.  He is cool and distant.  But still very caring, if you can believe that.  He is trying to be as amicable as possible, but I am shocked and dumbfounded.  What a way to lose weight!  Dropped 15 lbs in 2 1/2 weeks.  He doesn't want to do marriage counseling.   I have tried almost everything, but to no avail.  My heart is so broken.  We cry about it, but he just can't help it.  I can't make him love me.  I feel so empty.  Is there anyone out there who is going through this?  I don't see any hope for us.
myjellybean myjellybean 46-50, F 18 Responses Sep 15, 2007

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My advice is to get a divorce asap and you'll both be happier. You tried to save your marriage and it didn't work. It's not like you didn't try. Since he's lied to you before, you can't trust him now, even if he says he'll try harder. Also, he admitted that he no longer loves you "like he should" (whatever that means). You deserve better than that, so it's time to move on, sweetie. (I hope there aren't any kids. That always makes it tougher.)

I really feel for you. Its tough to stay in a marriage that doesnt go anywhere. Guess what? Experts have said in the past that sometimes we need to fight back by doing whats best for yourself. Throw caution to the wind and venture out and step onto the path of self endulgence and intimacy and get laid. Its may not solve oyur marraige problems, but isnt your sanity and are your sexual desires not more impotant than something that is dead. Breathe and chat woth someone that has the time and enrgy for you

Prayer deifinitely works. P.U.S.H.
Pray Until Something Happens.
I have learned to be thankful for what you have and more will be added unto you. Thank God for him and have faith that He will work things out for your good. Until then I will pray with you and for you.

BW

None perfect and no relationship perfect. If you didn't know God before relationships oughta get you to praying more and trusting him the more. Pray for your mates or have those know how to pray to pray for them 1-800-759-0700.<br />
<br />
With more items being added to the marriage menu, relationships arent what they used to be. The bible said in the last days men would be lovers or pleasure and of themselves.<br />
<br />
I encourage you to not harbor hate or unforgiveness in your heart and let God have complete control of everything concerning you and this life. Resources: www.marriage.org 1-800-759-0700 if you know how to pray get your prayer partner together and go to WAR.<br />
<br />
Never forget God love and adores ME always.

None perfect and no relationship perfect. If you didn't know God before relationships oughta get you to praying more and trusting him the more. Pray for your mates or have those know how to pray to pray for them 1-800-759-0700.<br />
<br />
With more items being added to the marriage menu, relationships arent what they used to be. The bible said in the last days men would be lovers or pleasure and of themselves.<br />
<br />
I encourage you to not harbor hate or unforgiveness in your heart and let God have complete control of everything concerning you and this life. Resources: www.marriage.org 1-800-759-0700 if you know how to pray get your prayer partner together and go to WAR.<br />
<br />
Never forget God love and adores ME always.

I have been threw the drugs and all.A man needs a good talking too so he will open his eyes.If there is a firey love in his heart you can rekindle it.It is something that will not happen over night,put heat back.Give him the firey passion you use to have with him.Meet him at the door naked and tell him I want some of the passion we use to have with each other.Love is a two way street try to talk with him and if it doesn't work move on.Find a Lover who will give back the heat of passion.All men are not the same and I hope things get better for you.I have been Married 3 times and my first two wives turned to drugs for there answers and I raised our kids.I pray you will get the Love you need.

I'm sorry for you pain. I am going through loneliness in my marriage. I have been married for 5 years and together for almost 15 years. I feel as if we have drifted apart. he seems happiest when I'm away or he is away. We never talk anymore and this feeling of loneliness is overbearing and I don't know what to do anymore.

It sucks,,, just going thru it... I love her but guess I am available......

My husband said that he loves me but that never reflected in things he did. He was a glib lier and always cheated me on money matters so finally i m getting rid of him and would be divorced soon. In your case you have so many reasons to just get rid of him... Drugs, alcohol, affairs and lying. If he finds happiness in someone else you find another man i am sure you will be happy or probably your stress will be relieved. Go out party harder d shopping don't lose weight eat in restaurants and put on weight and please make your husband pay those. Talk to people even if he is not ready for a counsellor you go and talk about your issues.

My husband told me that he no longer wanted to be with me and doesn't love me anymore also. He says he doesn't feel the same way about me and wants to get divorced. I've been fighting with him for months now about it. I want to stay in this relationship, but like you, I cannot force him to love me. What is it that makes them this way? Do women have more compassion for their loved ones, whom they're supposed to love, cherish until death do them part, thru sickness and heath. I don't understand why some men don't get that. They are so indecisive about what they want and who they do and don't love anymore. I just hate reading about someone who is going thru similar pain as I am, because I would not wish that pain on anyone. I wish you the best of luck and hope that this man gets a clue and remembers why he married you.

2 months ago my husband told me he does not love me anymore , it was like a big bucket of cold water in my face!!! i could not believe it most of all because we were having some problems but is something I was not ready to hear ,and I do love him we have two beautiful kids been married 11 years ,after 2 months of living in the same house like roommates he said he was confused and he really love me ,but is hard to believe him,I'm very confused too ,but I love him and take him back give him a big hug and the rest you can imagine ... I understand how you feeling I really hope you find a way to get things better ,I don't trust him 100% is going to take a while for me ...

I am soo sorry to hear you going thru this pain, but at least he is being honest about it, i would say this was the best thing that could happened to you in this situation because you guys could separate in good terms and that will be the best for your friend relationship if you have kids you won't hate each other while trying to raise your kids.<br />
be apart for 1 year and if he realize he really loves you and miss you he will come back. <br />
You cant pressure him about staying together while he doesnt love you because its going to be worse, he will get to be annoyed and unhappy with the relationship and end up cheating and that is not good either since you still love him.

You don't have to take his crap! You deserve love like the next person!! Leave his sorry butt!! Do you have kids?

Im sorry to hear about your hurt.<br />
I know the feeling of wanting to feel love and not get this.<br />
<br />
Hang in, your answers will come.<br />
You are important and it's not over yet..<br />
<br />
Take care

It is so difficult to stay connected in a marriage....the longer it goers, I believe the tougher it gets. I can become distant, like your husband. I feel I take my relationship for granted, as does my wife. You know the drill, we both have our routines, and by the end of the day, our routines seldom cross paths. Then a week goes by, and another week, and pretty soon, no more communication.

My husband and I went through a similar down time in our marriage. He told me that he didn't think he loved me anymore and that I should be with someone who does. Boy did that hurt!! What a jerk! Even though I stayed with him and things improved I have never forgotten how bad that hurts to be told that from the person you are suppose to be able to trust. I don't think I will ever be able to get past that. It still cuts me to this day as much as it did the first time he said it.<br />
The thing is that if you are happy with yourself and content with who you are you don't fall out of love with the person you chose to be with for the rest of your life. Marriage gets boring and stale but to fall out of love is impossible if you like who YOU are. Obviously your husband doesn't like who he is and has been looking to you to make him feel better about himself and when he doesn't he blames it on you. Just remember, it is not you he can't love but himself. I hope that you can find comfort and peace.

So what are you doing to deal with the pain and loneliness? It makes me angry that ONE person can control my happiness, at least for now. Why can't I just move on like he is? Life is too short, right? But here I am just sitting around feeling blue while he is god knows where. He won't answer any of my calls. He is probably with "someone else". Right now, I hate him!

Dont worry I know how u feel I am going throght it right and I cant for get about my ex because I still love her but I know she dosnt be cause she left her in this lonely world with my heart frozen but I am try to meet other people and u should too and u are going to be alright

I'm sorry to hear that someone else is dealing with pain. I have a very similar problem. He tells me he loves me until he falls a sleep and then it's her. I wish I could learn to think with my head instead of my heart.