Married Single - Can't Get My Husband's Attention

“Good Night” I say to my husband as I seductively stroll past him wearing a black lace corset, lace top stocking held up by garters, a matching G-String and my favorite spike heels. He looks up from the computer and says: “Wait for me, I’ll join you in a minute.”


I continue on to our bedroom, wash up, spend a good 30 minutes reading till my eyelids are so heavy I can’t wait any longer. I lean over, switch off my bedside light and drift off to sleep.


Buzz! It’s our alarm clock. It’s 5am and time for the gym. I reach over my husband turning off the alarm. He finally did join me. I really thought my wearing this new seductive outfit would get his

Attention and he really would “join me in a minute.” Unfortunately our nightly routine is unrelenting.


Before getting married I thought it was just an old wise tale that sex ended when you tied the knot.


This was NOT going to be me! I do NOT believe in predestination. I believe we reap what we sow. So I sowed the seeds I wanted to reap. I vowed NOT to be a statistical “Married” person.  I put in 110% while we dated, and since we got hitched, I upped my efforts to 310%.  I worked hard to be the perfect wife, the one his friends envied. I succeeded. His cousin is on a quest to find my twin and his friends envy him. Here is just a brief example of some of the things I have done: I clean, cook, do all the house & yard work, wear lingerie, I have brought home sex games, toys, books, took him to a nudist resort, took exotic dance lessons and pole dancing classes, I keep my looks up, I haven’t gained an ounce since the day we got married.


With all the efforts I am putting towards our marriage.  I can’t get his attention.  I can’t draw him away from his digital companions: the TV and Internet. It’s as if he’s having an affair with inanimate objects. Don’t get the wrong idea he’s not addicted to ****, he addicted to his digital friends. He spends his time: channel surfing, checking on-line reviews of his dream TV, on message boards talking about what new channels are available through Comcast HD, looking at upcoming concerts.


I’ve asked him if he’s getting enough sex and he said he’s satisfied. Him being male I would think he’d want to do it more often then once ever few months and I thought he’d be interested in playing the sex games with me. For me I’m not getting enough sex or attention.  I guess everyone has different sex drives and mine just happens to have always been higher then his even before we were married.


We have a great platonic friendship. With money issues being the #1 killer of marriages we lucked out with that one. We have very similar views and are finances are in order. We enjoy spending time with each other’s families and take interests in each other’s hobbies.  


Recently we talked and I come to find out he really wanted to play those games, but just didn’t make the efforts to let me know. I had no idea. I guess we’re just really different in that way. If I’m really interested in something and love doing something I tend to do it a lot and spend time engaging in those activities I love. Him on the other hand has a hard time getting going even if it’s to do something he loves.  For me I just procrastinate and put off things I find less enjoyable such as dusting and cleaning. If there’s a reason to put it off for just one more day I will, if not I’ll find an excuse. 

WifeTellsAll WifeTellsAll
31-35, F
21 Responses Aug 6, 2009

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I am in the same situation right now. I'm so feed up with trying to have a sex life. He tells me he's happy and that nothing is wrong but I feel different. I'm at a loss for what to do next, do I leave or do I stay. I've told him how I feel and he changes for a week and we fall back into the same routine.

Wow To start, you would have never made it past me dresses like you said..... Time for you to get some hobbies. Someone that has a sex drive.

I feel ya hunny. My husband does the samething but he is married to his EP aaccount. He has a fetish of hair and poses as a woman on here thinking that is the only way anyone will talk to him that way. I cut my hair the way he wants and he does nothing about it. His conversations on here turn him on and I can't seem to anymore. It hurts.

Do Not let it go! The longer you put things off the harder it will get. Being where I am in a many years sex starved and last 5 yrs sexless marriage I wish I had left when things were at the stage in marriage you are and found someone like you

he has to get it straight....

Thats a tale everywhere, one of the two is getting frustrated,

We are both 31. Are together 8 years. On and off. Its a funny relationship i have. Im with the man i love and hate the same time. With him i feel more lonely than being alone. Hes has never worked, whilst being with me. Hes addicted to computer games and the longer we are together the less attencion he hivrs me. I simply have to beg for it. Hey look at me im here, still here remember you have somebody that loves you. I have stopped being on the 1st place in his life many years ago. Not sure when...but i know that he doest want to leave me...and i cant get rid of him. I have no living family anymore...we are both foreginers in a foregin country. I have no one to help body to talk to. Maybe thats why im in a need for his attencion...cause i dont get it from noone else. I never knew that how the love looks like...i dont think that i would want ever to be with another man. I dont hurt and dissapoint myself...and even if i do its a different kind of pain. Nothing worse than to be with someone...but to feel alone. I think our love is gone but we didnt realize it yet. It has turned in to a comfort. I feel incredably jealous of him giving any kind of attencion to any one or anything else...why? Cause it belongs to shoud be given to me...not to somthing else.

I might not be married, but I can relate. I am 35. Two kids. I have spent my whole adult life with the same man 12 years my senior. After a break up of nearly a year I moved back in with him into the house his mom left to him. As friends we enjoy all the same things. The first three weeks were awesome and then I messed up so for a couple of weeks he was a total ***. This carried on good and bad for three months until he ended up in a close call car accident and actually came back with his head screwed on right. For two months he wasnt drinking every night and we were going to bed together in the same bed and sleeping with each other regularly. I was content. I would wake up in the middle of the night in his arms and lie with my head on the pillow in the same bed as him and think how happy I was to have this second chance and just be where I belong, with my family and the man I love. I felt safe, secure and loved. I know that feeling so well. I know what it feels like to sleep in a bed with someone you dont want in your bed. I know what it feels like to roll over and feel suffocated or smothered by the other person. This was none of that. He would roll over even in the middle of the night, every night, and hold me. This is the point everyone wants to reach in their relationship and everyone wants to last forever.

Then just after our birthdays and a week of too much over indulgence he lost some money and just lost the plot. He made me pack my bags and told me to leave, but I refused. I just packed my bags and stayed. He told me he doesnt love me, doesnt want me in his bed, I am the biggest problem in his life etc. He keeps saying he has repeatedly tried to get rid of me. I didnt even do anything wrong. Now he is back in front of the tv every night. Drinking every afternoon just about. Falling asleep in front of the tv and then when he does go to bed he locks his bedroom door. I am sooo frustrated. He is acting like a total *** hole. He just keeps sayin he cant live with me. Every time something goes wrong he cant live with me. If our kids leave dishes in the sink he cant live like this. If he cant find something he cant live like this. I cant go. I have no where to go. He pays for everything and I am struggling to keep my business afloat during bad economic times and also trying to pay off "MY" debts I accrued whilst we were living together under "MY" roof! The shoe is on the other foot now and he hates it. I could make everything better by just banging his brains out, but he wont touch me with a barge pole. I mean we went from two months of honey mooning to divorcees living in the same house but separate rooms. I thought it would pass after like three days or a week. Its been 5 weeks. As real and parmanent as it felt to lie in his arms in his bed and be happy every night for the rest of my life is as horrible and permanent as this feels. Jeckyll and Hyde. I love him, but I could just smash a frying pan over his head to make him wake up and see me again. See me for me.

I am angry, I am confused, I am frustrated. I feel cheated. I feel desperate and worst of all I just want him, the *******, to just love me and fix everything.

If I had the money and power to do it... in fact even if I just had the money I would take my kids and move 1000 miles away and if he really does hate me he would let me go and leave me alone to move on with my life and if he really loved me he would eventually come find me.

All d gals...dey r so upset here...i feel realy bad 4 all if u who r goin thru such a neverending phase. But let me tell all of u dat i too was goin thru d same thing n u no wat? I hav com out stronger. <br />
D bottonline is.. U cannot change d way a man thinks. But u can change urself n make ur man go head over heels 4 u. U dont need to b mrs. Superwoman 4 dat.

U hav been giving a lot 4 all dese days/yrs. Its time 4 u to take back wat u gave. To start wid pls. Stop making him d focus of ur life. Giv him sum space. Dont let him hav d fun so easily available. B a bad wife sumtimes. It really helps. Make him drool by not paying attn to him at all.

U hav been giving a lot 4 all dese days/yrs. Its time 4 u to take back wat u gave. To start wid pls. Stop making him d focus of ur life. Giv him sum space. Dont let him hav d fun so easily available. B a bad wife sumtimes. It really helps. Make him drool by not paying attn to him at all.

U hav been giving a lot 4 all dese days/yrs. Its time 4 u to take back wat u gave. To start wid pls. Stop making him d focus of ur life. Giv him sum space. Dont let him hav d fun so easily available. B a bad wife sumtimes. It really helps. Make him drool by not paying attn to him at all.

I am so glad I found this so now I know I am not alone my husband and I were married in 2008 and we have two little boys a toddler and a preschooler. I swear it seems like every day there is something that has tO be tended to there is never any time for us to be any sort of intimate whether it's conversation or between the sheets . I walk in front of him after my showers naked as a jay bird and he carries on as if I am dressed doesn't even notice :( I go to bed by myself because he works at night and I get up early to take care of the kids plus get through my college courses keep the house clean laundry done and dinner cooked this is an everyday thing I get thrown by the wayside:( I don't get it wtf wen you get married its almost like sex is a thing of the past last time we did anything was over 3 months ago! What do I do?

Men need to put as much into the relationship as women do,so they don't wonder why their wives suddenly cheat on them. Sex isn't the most important thing either. Women need friendship and conversation. It's so sad to me that marriages don't last and this is why. People forget why they first fell in love.

Ive been married for quite sometime now, and i have been feeling this way since our wedding day... its difficult to deal with because he was quite different before we got married. I go out of my way to keep him happy. but he does not seem the least bothered. ive tried the lingerie thing umpteen times, but it just seems to upset me. ive stopped buying lingerie ive stopped trying to look good, to dress up. the mess up here is i have absolutely no one to talk to and that is killing me. ive always been a romantic person but this man has murdered that part in me. Dont get it wrong.. He's wonderful and all, we do share a good and friendly relation but i am nowhere in his priority list... dont know what to do.

So, what does a married man really want?...just can't win :)

I feel the same way , My husband comes home from work, grabs something to eat, showers and watches tv or plays his video games. I am a stay at home mom of our 2 toddlers but I look forward to him coming home and spending time with him, having him help me out and hopefull y get a break. None of that happens, he does play with the kids but not everyday like he used to, they want his attention too, nit just me and I end up having to take care of the kids and pull them apart when theyre fighting, cook dinner, all of the above. I feel like pulling my hair out b/c clearly he ignores it and doesnt set all aside to help me out or even notices Im stressing out. Why doesnt he want to give me a break, how does he not feel bad at all or notice Im not happy. I tried to talk to him about going out to a pizza hut and his excuse was "Im too tired" ya.. more like he doesnt want to pull away from his beer n playstation long enough, its ridiculous!!!! I try to make an effort to get us all together and have family fun but theres always an excuse with him why we cant. I look at him and I resent him, he says its a stress reliever, well.. where the hell is my damn stress reliever? I understand that I can leave anytime during the evening for some time to myself but I wont, because he will continue to play the games or watch tv and the children get put aside, they dont get the attention they are clearly yearning for and end up tearing the house apart and he doent even notice!! Im getting really sick of this.. not only that but he talks to ppl on his lil headset on psn nore than he talks to me, and he has never even met half of them, I have to repeat myself, and I get short answers from him, I am soo lonely, I look at him and wonder if he would even care if I was gone, Its not like anything would change for him besides the house being clean from me. I feel like I am an inconvienience to him most of the time, it really hurts.

Oh my! You just wrote my life exactly!!! He thinks I'm sensitive and what not. I not only am a stay at home mom of our two children (3 &amp;4) I babysit two other kids m-f all day and work saturdays. So his "tired" excuse is for the birds. I just don't know what to do anymore.

It's as if you wrote my story...If my husband wasn't sitting at the computer the entire time he's not at work, I might wonder if you were talking about him. But having another family would take too much energy for him!! ;-)<br />
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Seriously though, my life is a lot better these days, and we're getting along better, but he is the same way. If something takes the least bit of effort for him, he's not going to do it..

Yea, we can talk. His issue is procrastination.

Oh man, are you able to talk to him and asked him what the problems.