I Am Married To Scrooge
Hi, I have been married for over 12 years, but I have been with him for 17 years. I have 2 children and they are the joy of my life but I feel utterly alone as all my husband is interested in is working and saving money. I cannot remember the last gift he ever bought me. We are not rich but we do ok and according to him we cannot afford anything. I have to buy all the groceries, clothes and anything else that is needed and I earn a third of what he makes. He does not give me money and he does not give me affection. We can go months at a time without making love and I'm only 33, and when we do it is only for his benefit. I know for a fact that he watches **** on the computer and that really hurts as sometimes I also watch it as I figure if I can't get any I watch someone else.
I have had many talks with him and he never yells at me or anything but he just lets me say my piece smiles at me and does nothing about it. I am so heart broken as I feel that I do not deserve anything, so I'm at least grateful that my kids show me that they love me, but it isn't enough.
My DH works 7 days a week and he is tired when he is at home, but if any of his buddies call him for a game of squash he gets this sudden rush of energy and hops to it. He will find time for what he wants but none for me. I am getting really worried lately as I have increased my alcohol consumption to numb the pain, I also tend to binge and purge alot just to fill the void that I feel.
I have no intention of leaving my husband as I feel that I have to ride it out and I come from a broken family and I don't want to do that to my kids, and since we hardly ever fight I don't think we are doing any damage to them as we are very effectionate with the kids.
I guess all I need is to let off some steam once in a while and to know that I am not losing my mind.