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I Have Finally Woken Up....

I have been in an on again off again relationship for over 15years, we have three chilldren who i adore and my partner is very angry 99% of the time. He get angry at the kids,at the cat at anything. He isnt physically abusive but he is mentally and emotionally.

I loved this man with all of my heart and always dreamt that we woukd grow old together but noe i realize that this will never happen. i am sooo lonely its not funny, its like i have a housemate not a partner. we never go out together anywhere, we never talk the only thing that is great between us is our sex life,sad but true. i never knew a site like this existed until i put it thru my facebook search and didint realize how many others are in the same boat. He has never even proposed to me after so many years and three children. But i do and must believe that my perfect love is out there somewhere waiting for me, its just so hard to end it all and i have guilt over my kids but know that its not normal to have a relationship that is based on sex.

i feel pretty stupid posting this but need to get it all out of my system, i have cried too many tears over this man and now know that he doesnt deserve anymore, i tried my hardest to make him happy and nothing has ever worked.

It is now time for me to find my happiness because i deserve it.

australia xox

oneisthelonleistnumber oneisthelonleistnumber 36-40, F 5 Responses Jan 23, 2010

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yes. we are in the same boat. i hope we both find a way...

For heavans sake lady - move on. Have you any idea how short life is? You are but a speck in the grand scheme of things - think of life as a day. It's probably about midday for you and you've wasted a lot of the morning - now get out and have a good afternoon.<br />
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And remember - your kids will love you for it. It may take a while, but they will.

Austrailia,<br />
<br />
I think you are the first person that is in a situation like mine. I live in a marriage where sex is our strongest combining factor. I'm coming to terms with the reality that my husband has been and continues to be emotionally abusive. It is hard to say this, as I do believe he is a great guy. Just not to me. Not having the emotional connection is debilitating at times. The sex has become just that... sex. We no longer make love. Most women would probably leave, but when it happens gradually and you have children involved, somehow "we" put up with it. Married or not, I understand the difficulty of going through with a decision to leave. If your relationship is like mine, it has its moments where it appears GREAT. Ours is when we are doing things as a family with other family and friends. I'm guessing that most people wouldn't have a clue how dysfunctional my relationship is behind "closed doors". Like your partner, my husband is always angry with things. Kids mostly. I find myself having to "stand up" for the kids constantly. He doesn't understand that a 3 year old might not always listen the first time you ask him to do something. And he takes it personal. When we are in those moments of his anger, I am constantly thinking to myself, "Why do I put up with this?" Then the next day we take a trip to the snow and have a great time "playing" as a family. So I tell myself, "This is why." It is a roller coaster ride, up and down. <br />
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Sorry for venting myself. I am happy that you have finally decided to get off the roller coaster and am hoping you will find happiness. I'm sure it will be scary and difficult at times, but it takes courage to do what you are doing. That anger isn't good to live in day to day.

You speak of an on again of again relationship with this man so Ima to assume that all during this time you have not legally married this man. If this true you have limited yourself to a subservient position where he has no legal obligation to you. Your children I am asu=assuming do not carry his name or if they do are they recorded a legally his. <br />
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You have merely become a concubine for this man and he consequently has little or no regard for you. How you can tolerate this for this length of time is mind boggling. Most of here may envy your sex life because we live in sexless marriages but I am sure none of us would trade places with your relationship as you describe it.<br />
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To live with someone who deprecates you and at the same time has no legal obligation is a precarious and unhealthy situation.<br />
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I hope you children are getting proper guidance and support for this seems a dysfunctional household.

Dear Australia,<br />
<br />
I understand the depth of the pain you feel. My experience is different but the results are the same.. You feel completely alone, even surrounded by the familiar. I want you to know that there are people that care about the struggle you are going through. Everyone needs to feel validated, affirmed, appreciated and most importantly loved. Stay strong and believe in a brighter day. There are friends yet unknown to you who will be there to help you forge the path to the new reality you seek. Blessings always <br />
<br />
trueheart59