Crushed And Confused

I recently got the "I love you, but I am not in love with you" crap My husband has been acting hateful towards me for quite some time, but a few months ago I finally got that information out of him. Oooh lucky me, just what I wanted to hear after being married for almost 12years.

We were both in very different places in our relationship, and it really shocked me. We have gone through a really hard several years, and I thought that the outside drama (health issues, and caring for our elderly grandmas) was behind us. I decided to go back to school a few years ago, so I have been only working several different jobs to fill in between school. The $$ thing has been a huge problem, because I have been home raising my daughter (in between taking care of grandmas and working) for the last 5 years. I finally was able to get my schedule under control and get it to where I was finally home more with my family. I was sooo happy to be home more with my family. Unfortunately, I think me being home more only got in the way of my husbands time alone with the computer

Ok, I guess I am getting off topic. I guess I am here because I don't know what to do after someone tells you that? Can you really ever get past that? He has never apologized for telling me that, because it is all my fault??? He is pretty much sticking to his story. Yet, has the balls to act like he is trying to be nice. In fact, he even tells me that he has put the effort into sitting with me to eat dinner, and that he is being nice?? Seriously, do I want someone who has to put effort into spending time with me, or has to try to be nice?

My relationship has completely changed, and I have never been so hurt or confused. I am pretty positive he has been carrying on with another woman, or women on the computer, but he completely denies it. I have found things on his computer that don't make sense for someone who is only playing video games all night. I am not sure if he has been physical with anyone, but I am certain that he has been at least getting his ego stroked online, and probably on the phone.

Lately, I haven't seen him on his computer as much, but he likes to stay up until early morning hours relaxing? He hasn't acted so hateful towards me in a few weeks, which is nice I guess. Yet, I am here looking for people to talk to because my husband certainly won't. I have been lonely for most of the years I have been married because he would rather be playing on his computer then spending time with me. I have put up with it because I thought he was genuinely a good guy, and that he loved me. Now, things have totally changed and I am at a huge loss



shadow5 shadow5
36-40, F
4 Responses Jan 25, 2010

Sorry to hear you're going through this......I think I'm coming to the realization that I don't love my husband anymore and what exactly am I going to do about it???? I think it's a matter of what are yoiu willing to live with....Because of my young daughter, I will put up with him foir the time being, but I'm not too sure when that last straw will break my back. I have reasons though for no longer loving my husband. It sounds like your hubby is showing disrespect and taking you for granted. Maybe he expects you to stay and his life will remain comfortable. I wonder what would happen if you told him you felt the same way? or, if you said "let's part"? This is not advice for you, but simply something to think about. I know that in one argument my husband and I had, he said he was going to leave and take it "all" (whatever that meant....) I looked at him and said, "Good, when are you leaving. I'd like to start my life again." He's never ever said he would leave to me again. I guess he's figured out that I won't chase him and it's no longer a valid threat.

Hey lost,<br />
<br />
Wow after 23 years, that beyond sucks. I have no clue the what the circumstances were, but to leave your kids is crazy=0( That is good that you are finally happy=0) Being in a home that is filled with people but still empty totally sucks=0( Thank you for commenting on my story=0)<br />
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Take care=0)

Hey Rocky,<br />
Thank you so much for replying and sharing your story=0) It is really nice to have a different side of the story. Keep working on being a good guy! Your wife and daughter will really appreciate it=0) <br />
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I am kind of laughing at the "his anymore" comment. We went to the store other night and the manager guy, who always goes out of his way to help me, was there. He is always over nice to me, and rude to my husband. LOL... Anyway, we went to a new store, and this guy was over there training. My husband made a snotty remark, "ooh looks who's here?" I said, "yep my boyfriend." and after that for some strange reason he wanted to hold my hand and rub my leg?? That is pretty funny? I don't get it really, but your comment is pretty on.<br />
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I am not sure about the game thing really, it has changed several times over the years. Right now it is Free Realms. He has cooled down a bit there, as far as I know, because I have busted him chatting too much with some of the girl characters over there. Of course as I sit here and type this note, he has been sitting 10 feet away from me for hours playing some bubble game?<br />
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Well, thank you again for commenting on my post=0)

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through all of that. It's not pleasant, I have been there. My wife finally moved out, many months after she told me she did not love me. After 23 years together. But, I got to keep the house and kids, and I am now happier than I have been in years. I hope you can find happiness too.