What To Do What To Do

My wife and i married very young (18) and have been married for 23+ years. I dont know if what I am going through is a mid life crisis, depression, or just feeling unfulfilled, or a combination of all of them.  I feel my marriage has been a roller coaster ride with good and bad and have gone from one extreme to the other during that time.. We have 3 children and my wife was home with them the majority of the time. Now she is working since the youngest is in his teens and she is really doing well at her career. She has an active social life with her work friends. They seem to want her to be around all the time. She invites me to come along to their happy hours and social gatherings, but for some reason i dont go. I feel like a 3rd wheel around them. Meanwhile I have a few friends at work, but they are the type that dont really socialize with anyone and so I am left feeling that my life is stagnating. We are going through some tough times in our marriage because of this and I am not really sure what to do. Well, I know what I need to do, I need to find my own interests, but I am a shy person so its not easy for me to meet people. I guess I am jealous of the time she spends with her friends, sometimes it seems excessive to me (2-3 times a week sometimes). I dont really mind that she goes out with her friends, but I just wish i didnt feel so alone.  I just feel like my life is stagnating.

 

lonewolftx lonewolftx
41-45, M
2 Responses Feb 7, 2010

This may sound cynical, but she may be asking you knowing that you won't go along. You might try to go out on a limb and go out with them just one time.

A few things pop up immediately for me, a wife of 15 yrs married to a man who is not very social.<br />
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Are you interesting? to yourself to others? if you answer no, the get interested in your life. You can't simply wait for your wife to back up your social life, your interests, its not her job. Her love I am sure would be to share interesting moments with you. She certainly wouldn't be inviting you if she did not want to share her life and joys. <br />
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The rut you seem to be in is one many married couples get into... you have lost your individualness, your separateness from yourself. Youa re not the other half, you are a whole person, having children of course makes this a little more difficult however, you cannot sit by watching life pass you by and your wife passing you by too.<br />
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Seriously ask yourself what would you like to do on your own... for yourself, by yourself and of yourself... its called being selfish... be selfish (in a good way) and get a life. It sounds harsh however, the alternative isn't that attractive.