Depressed More After Visiting This Site!

I have been married for 7 yrs. but lived together for 12.  He recently took a job in another state.  So we have been apart since August.  We have had several fights due to our grown children, budget problems due to the economy.  I am so lonely, as I am away from my kids (300 miles) due to employment and 1500 miles from my husband.  I just checked out his facebook page, my page indicates I am married, has a pic of him and the kids, grandchild etc.  His has no pics and under relationship says "its complicated".  I haven't heard from him in 3 days and thatr was when he called to just yell at me in which I hung up on him.  So the big question is when do you give up on a marriage?

jp1110 jp1110
51-55, F
5 Responses Feb 19, 2010

If he has checked out of the marriage -- and that's what it seems has happened -- it's over. A marriage can't survive if only one person is willing to invest effort. You'd be wise to check with a good lawyer and find out your legal options when it comes to a divorce. There's a good chance that your husband already is working with a lawyer to plan his exit strategy, and he also may be hiding assets. He also may be in another relationship. What you're experiencing is similar to what I experienced. Ended up my husband had been in a several year affair with a much younger woman whom he thought he had had a child by. He was putting things in place to be permanently with his new family. Going to a good divorce lawyer helped me get a fair marital settlement. <br />
<br />
Closing your eyes to the fact that he has emotionally and physically left your marriage will hurt you. Take care of yourself by getting legal advice. Do not hurt yourself by telling him you are consulting a lawyer.

Whoa moving words Demi and Ginny good advise thou - talking from my own experience I have kept under the carpet far too long but I seek answers through constant prayers until one day I felt total awakening and felt strong to face the unknown. I moved forward and live my life fullest. Life is beautiful to have it wasted and not able to cherish the moment with or without a partner. Yes talking it over with someone you trust or write a blog is a good idea even consult a counselor but they are not paid to decide for you - in the end of the day you will have to make your own decision (plus if you are religious prayers will help). Think rationally not emotionally stay calm and be happy even it makes you cry. Worrying or crying over spill milk wouldn't help to resolve the problem - find best solution for you both. Good luck and GOD bless. Lots of love from someone who cares.

I can't say what is going on from what you have described.<br />
<br />
Messy I do see that.<br />
<br />
In a RELATIONSHIP distance is NOT a "DEAL BREAKER" unless the DISTANCE is what has "come between the two people" and IS NOT ABOUT THE MILES... <br />
<br />
<br />
2 PEOPLE make 1 RELATIONSHIP.<br />
2.<br />
<br />
You ALONE can not CREATE ONE... with whomever.<br />
NO ONE CAN.<br />
<br />
"marriages" are the same... though MANY PEOPLE see "marriage" as a HOAX that it is... and yet some take the "marriage route" BECAUSE FOR THEM THEY BOTH WANT EACH OTHER's HAPPINESS... FOR THE ONES Who DO... that CONTINUES IN ALL TIMES ...<br />
<br />
NOT ALL PEOPLE WILL "marry".<br />
Some of the HAPPIEST PEOPLE I KNOW... NEVER HAVE AND WILL NOT!<br />
WILL NOT.<br />
<br />
TO SO MANY OF us WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS THAT "WE LOVE EACH OTHER".<br />
Love.<br />
<br />
RESPECT<br />
REGARD<br />
EQUALITY<br />
<br />
<br />
EQUALITY seems to be a difficult one for so many hetero males ASK ANY FEMALE.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I don't know about YOUR situation.<br />
<br />
<br />
YOU yourself COULD TRY "a counselor" CAN't YOU... some of them ARE REPUTABLE AND LITERALLY CONCERNED FOR YOUR WELFARE and NOT OUT TO "invest your time for their next car"! ALBEIT it is CERTAIN that YOUR GOOD FRIENDS... GOOD FRIENDS are often a RELIABLE SOURCE OF "talking"... Sometimes GOOD FRIENDS ARE "family": brother, sister, cousin, mother... someone!<br />
<br />
<br />
WRITING OUT FRUSTRATION is IMPORTANT.<br />
<br />
FEED BACK IS IMPORTANT AS LONG AS THE PEOPLE GIVING SOME MEAN GOOD WILL.<br />
AND GOOD WILL MEANS INTEGRITY AND HONEST REFLECTION OF THE "situation"... people.<br />
So DO TAKE CARE ABOUT "counselors" if YOU decide to go that route... <br />
SOME of them SHOULD NOT HAVE A LICENSE! NO duh!

I agree with Ginny on this. I think the marriage means more to him than it does to you. You need to start working out possibilities in your head and have a long talk with "Mr. It's Complicated."

when you say enough is enough thats when. BTW if his facebook page says "its complicated" that only means marriage is a technicality with him but not a deal breaker..id get ready for papers in the mail from his attorney unless you do something about it.