I Am Married I Am Lonely

my husband and i had been together for almost 10 years now.  he's into a lot of work. he's never been romantic. we just had three kids but that's it.  the kids grew up thinking they have the perfect parents all these years. he thought there is nothing wrong with him. but there is.  i admit... i sometimes act like crazy when i want things on my own. but he doesn't see me as attractive, beautiful (which i think other people see in me) person. i don't even remember any moment we shared intimately except for when we are having  sex .  i don't deserve to be treated like this. he doesn't listen to me. he don't know what i am going through.  i want to give up on this relationship not because i want other man.but because i want to really see what love is...again... i don't know how it felt anymore. i want to see the beauty of life... again... how it felt to be with other people.  i so hate him!!! but it kills inside because i can't let my children and family see this happening to me... i don't want a broken family. i want my kids to grow up with a complete family. but it kills me every day.  what should i do?

 

 

chicfactory chicfactory
31-35, F
3 Responses Feb 26, 2010

You ask, What should I do?<br />
While for you no one has that answer but you. It is understood why you might ask such a question. However, because I don't have a fix all answer for you doesn't mean that I don't have some thoughts on the subject.<br />
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As far as what to do? Follow your Bliss. Sounds simple enough doesn't it. We have heard this one line in countless areas through out our whole lifes. In movies, poems, personal life coaches, and on and on. Then one might say OK, but what the hell is Bliss.<br />
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If you were to look it up, you would find a definition like, the highest degree of happiness, heavenly joy. This all sounds good but, how do you get there from here? You may even be thinking, OK wise ***, does this Bliss come with an address? Well yes it does. Some of the best things in life are free and one of those things are thoughts.<br />
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I know you may think you hearing from a wise guy, one of those life is a bed of Roses. I don't know about you, but I for one don't care for the idea of laying down on a bunch of thorns. Not my cup of tea. Ya I know there are some out there that they really like that idea because that is their cup of tea. This is where each to his own comes from.<br />
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Now following your Bliss is a matter of making a decision. Did he just say that? Yes he did. You have to make up your mind as to what you want. It is kinda like this, if you could (and you can) have anything you want, what would that be?<br />
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It turns out that we as human beings are in fact spiritual beings here on Earth to have a physical experience. The things we experience that we don't like is called Contrast. This Contrast is what is to help us to make a new decision about what we do want and then we are supposed to think about what we do want and not on what we don't want. That simple.<br />
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You say, Yea Right. If you think about this just a little bit it really does make a great foundation for how life is suppose to work. Because it is. I know you have heard the statement that we are the sum of what we eat. There is a lot of truth to that but that is not the bottom line.<br />
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What we are is the total sum of our thoughts. When you think about it just a little, it begins to make sense. Birds of a feather, does that ring a bell? People who hang out in bars, people who hang out in libraries, rich people hang out with rich people, Sports people hang out with sports people. And of course *** holes are everywhere. I think they have a secret meeting place where they exchange ideas. Just kidding on the secret meeting place.<br />
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The point is people who think alike are drawn together by the Universal Law of Attraction. Like minded people attract one another. If you don't like the crowd your in, change your thoughts to what you do want and watch the change. It is amazing. This is a talent given to us from birth. Trouble is most people never got the memo.<br />
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The difference between a dreamer and a person who has those dreams is this: the one who has knows it is or will be. The dreamer only would like for it to be. You say what is that again? The real and only difference is one knows, some call it believe, one one doesn't believe it is or will be. The difference between know and believe is simple, when you believe something there is still the burden of proof. When you know something there is no doubt.<br />
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Here is something else to ponder, Thoughts Become Things. How about those guys that was thinking about the idea of putting people in a metal can and flying them across the country. The Wright Brothers, people of the time thought they were bicycle mechanics and nuts. That was only a part of them and not the whole being that they were. The same as you, there is more to you than you know or have been led to believe. <br />
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You have so much more power over your life than I have room to explain here. Cutting this a bit short, let's just say you are not out of options in your quest to feel the way you want to. I would advise to start with what do you want and then get a clear picture of that fixed in your mind so it can grow stronger and have other thought like it join your thoughts to become more than it's sum until the Law of Attraction brings you what you desire. When you reach a point in your mind that you KNOW that your desires will be, then they will be. It is Law.<br />
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You can break Man's Law all day long but, you can not break Universal Law ever. It is like fighting gravity, it just don't work. It is up to you for you and it is up to me for me. So it comes down to this, What is in your thoughts? Is it what you want or is it what you don't want? We have been trained to think about what we see, how about seeing in our minds eye what we do want and focus on that instead. The choice has always been yours and now you know how.

I understand your pain, but try couples counseling before you give up on your marraige. At the very least you should seek support from a counselor to validate your concerns and make a plan. Best of luck to you!

decisions like these are never easy, but you have to make the right one, the rihgt one for you and everyone now. your children may be happy living in this pretence now but someday it will come out, they'll feel worse for being lied to longer. in rder for your children and your husband to be happy you need to be happy. you may feel like you hate your husband right now, but its only because of all the negatives your seeing in the relationship right now. you need time away from each other i think. you can be happy again, you know it. you know what to so for the best x