Which Way Should I Turn? Is It Time For A Divorce?

March 14, 2010

I have written in previous posts about my situation. Im not sure which way to turn. I know I love him more then anything and want our marriage to work.

We have been together for almost three (3) years, married for over a year now. As in my previous posts since we have been married we have had nothing but problems over and over because of his ex wife and her kids. They have all given us nothing but a hard time. The last year we have done nothing but go to court and hand over more money to her. Money we don’t have right now because we are both laid off and we have two kids of our own, which makes it more difficult giving her money that we need for them too.

I’ve spoken to a therapist to try and help me deal with all of this and to try and help me communicate better with my husband. The last month now at the suggestion of the therapist he told me to open up and tell my husband what has been bothering me and what has happened in the past to make me feel the way I do. I did this and it has cause nothing but more problems. I apparently do not do that right either. He tells me all I ever do is complain among other things and I know that I do but its hard.

The situation that we are in now has a lot to do with the decisions that were made during his divorce, while we were together. I had no say in anything even though it did and is now greatly affecting my live along with our children. We fought a lot about what was happening at the time, which we still do and I would talk to a counselor or a legal friend of mine and give suggestions because being on the outside I could see what was happening and how his ex and her kids were controlling everything. I never gave him any suggestion for selfish reasons not once. As a woman, there are things you see in other women with their behavior and what they are doing that tell you exactly whats going on. But for whatever reason, I feel he didn’t believe me.

Lately there has been a lot of issues from the past that have been coming up. Of course when events do occur I get overly emotional because these are events and situations that were hurtful before when they were taking place, which I had no say in and things that we argued excessively about. I feel like it’s a slap in my face, although he does not see it that way. Its just difficult because I knew at the time these things should have been done in a different manner or not at all and he did what he wanted regardless and now its here to haunt us and he doesn’t like to hear about it.

The recent event was yesterday. When he was going though the divorce he gave her everything! He stated that he just wanted to get out of it as quickly as possible but also make sure his daughter was taken care of. It does bother me because we had one on the way that was not taken into consideration at all nor was our future. He states that he didn’t think we’d be laid off ever so he didn’t worry about it. But I still cant help but feel that there was more to it than that.

We are having such a hard time right now that neither of us know where or what to do. We have little money and now may have to give his ex more money which will be a large sum. Yesterday, he stated that he felt like a “deadbeat dad” that bothered me that he said that. I realize paying child support right now is basically impossible but this isn’t something that we brought upon ours self.

He stated that he wished he could pay more in child support then what he is suppose to. This hurt a great deal! Our kids together need clothing, the baby has hardly anything and we are struggling to buy a crib for her which needs to be replaced as soon as possible. Am I selfish? He gave his ex everything including taking on all the bills, house, etc. agreed to maintenance, etc. She is now selling the house which he let her have all the equilty in and we are currently being taken to court again for a large amount of money. We are literally on the verge of being homeless and with everything else, he says that he wished what he was directed to pay was more. How do I take this? Then when I told him what about our kids we do nothing but sit at home and at least his “other” daughter gets to go do things and his reply was “that makes me feel good having someone else raise her”. I don’t get it anymore. Am I just being overly sensitive because of all the stress?

He stated she shouldn’t have more then what our kids have but it still hurts because as of today she has been taken care of and provided for a lot better. My money also has gone to help with his obligations, as it should. I don’t know what to think anymore. I feel like he is more committed to taking care of his other kid then ours. Why?

I love him and have gone through so much with him and have had to put up with abuse, emotional issues, fighting, etc. I’ve been by his side regardless of the situation. All he ever does is tell me how stressful things are because of our fighting.

Yesterday, I told him that the only time he seems happy is when he talks to his other daughter. He told me that he has to force himself to act happy because he is so unhappy. First he said it was because of me and our fighting and then he said it was because of that along with everything else that’s been going on. This hurt so bad. Ive always been there and all he sees is the negative.

Last night he told me he loved me and that he wished he was closer to me. I wish the same thing. I don’t understand with everything I have dealt with and stood by him for-why doesn’t he feel closer to me? Im hurt that with all I have done that’s how he feels. It makes me wonder if he ever cared at all or why is he with me, or what about all I have done. How do you take it when your husband says that along with everything else? How do you now feel like you’ve been taken for granted? Is there something wrong with me? What am I suppose to do?


jc5273 jc5273
36-40, F
2 Responses Mar 15, 2010

if you stare at a tiny thing,how can you find your future those great things.be calm down with prayer and then make a list as the works ahead,i hope you can see the sky blue and your busband 'smile.may the lord be your helper and guardian.god will help you if you pay attention to him.

Well the first place to start is not with you or your husband .. for me it would be in prayer, place your faith above all else and help will come. Secondly, Reach out...to friends, family, your church, community organizations, any one that can help... they are out there. Just look and ask....be active.