I Am Terrified I Will Never Feel Intimacy And Romance Ever AgainOk, I dont know where or who to go to with this. I found this site and thought I would try it and see who is out there.
I am 44 yrs old. I am married for 19 years to my childhood sweetheart. Long story short, we met young, lived together for a few years and then married. We had a string relationship early and after 5 years of marriage we had a bump in the road when she secretly sunk us financially. Over several years, she made mistakes and kept them from me until they were too big to hide and I found out. We worked on our marriage and 10 years after her last episode, we are well financially and still married. The scars of those problems are still there as there is a level of trust I could never recapture.
Here is the problem...
4 years ago, she had a hysterectomy. She was fine the first 2 years, then the changes started. She began to gain weight. Her attitude in general has delined. Speaks in demeaning ways. She began to experience discomfort during intercousre and pretty much now has lost all interest in sex and intimacy.
As far as the weight factor, her diet is terrible and over the past 2 years, it is obvious she isnt interested in getting healthy. She used to belong to a gym and has since dropped it. She says working out is not good for her blood pressure. She doesnt same the same about the closet smoking she does.
I have asked her for us both to diet and walk together. She says yes, but I cannot ever get her to begin and then she forgets about it.
Regarding sex, I have spent countless hours researching all of the online topics and websites and I suggest different things. She always says she will try things and never does. I asked her to speak to her Dr about it. She always says she will, but never does. There are products and exercises we can experiment with and try together, but she never does.
It seems that the marriage issues may have caused some issues, but the hysterectomy seems to have finished it off.
We live in the same house, raising 2 sons. When we are not arguing, we are living like brother and sister. We sleep in the same bed but on both ends.
Sometimes I try and plan a movie for us both on the couch at night when we are both off the next day, but unless I get the movie on by 630, she is asleep before the end.
She really thinks that it is ok that she feels the way she does. She thinks its ok that she is 44 and acts like a 65 year old woman.
I do love her, but I am TERRIFIED that I will never experience the intimacy of making love to someone. It has been over a year since we made love and she is really ok with it. I AM NOT and she knows it, but does not acknowledge it. I have tried to talk about it many times and the conversation turns to her not saying anything except, Ill talmk to the Dr about it. After 2 years of hearing this, Ive given up hope.
I know she is my wife, and I do care about her, and I am supportive of her, but what about me. Because of my commitment, am I supposed to just accept the fact that intimacy and romance is done? I have a high sex drive. I always have. And its not all about the sex, I am a romantic guy, and crave intimacy. My wife has made it clear, she is not interested, and really has no interest in improving our physical situation.
This cant be it