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Is It Wrong To Look For Intimacy On-line?

Jon and I just had our 14th anniversary last month, but haven't had sex in over three years. I know that it's been at least three years since that's when I lost a lot of weight hoping it would lead to a better sex life; it didn't. Becoming more active, losing 80 pounds and moving from a size 18 to a size six didn't affect anything. I just turned 41 and my libido is driving me crazy. I love Jon and I don't want to leave him, but I've got to find an outlet for all of my sexual energy. The thought of trolling bars and one night stands is NOT appealing. Is it wrong to want an on-line/sexting relationship with another man?
SecretSext SecretSext 41-45, F 6 Responses Jun 2, 2011

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Im here

me too same age approx...i too have gained weight since i have been ignored and i feel very bad about myself and what is happening

I have been doing the same thing lately,<br />
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I have been looking for romance on-line, because I have such an anger towards my wife.<br />
I don't think I'll have a problem because i'm so unsuccessful finding somoeone on-line.<br />
It seems the whole online is one big hoax.<br />
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But I think its all a diversion, in the end its not the solution.<br />
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Hope you find the right solution, and you can tell me.

Well after 8 years of sexless marriage, if it wasn't for 'virtual' relationships online my life would be a whole like sadder and emptier. At least living vicariously through the wonders of the world wide web, my mind at least has sex.

My story is very similar to yours. I think it is natural to want intimacy . You have worked hard to try to fix the problem (congratulations by the way) and it did not work and sexual desire is a very hard thing to ignore. Obviously I do not know all the particulars and why you want to stay with your husband and cannot speak to that directly, but consider that if you really wish to hold on to what you have with him there is a chance you can lose it if he finds out (or irrevocably damage the man you love). <br />
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Conversely, letting yourself explore what you desire may lead to you getting the courage to either leave your safety net and take the next step in your life, or perhaps it will make you realize how much you appreciate your husband and seek professional help in fixing this issue.<br />
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It is a hard decision but remember once you have done it there is no turning back, you have chosen a path, so think about all your options. I wish you well.

I love Jon and I know that he deeply loves me. I just think he has issues with his sexuality that have damaged me emotionally. I guess I'm scared to face these issues in couple's therapy. I feel that a virtual relationship is a cop-out, but one that I'm seriously considering.

I think you have to do what you feel you need. If you pursue a 'virtual' relationship, do you think you can keep your feeling separate from your marriage? Good luck with your quest.

I'd like to think that I could keep such an on-line relationship separate from my "real-life" one, but I'm not so far gone as to think that there's a possibility that it could turn out to be a problem. At this point, I'm just so afraid of rejection that I'm not sure I even want to try.