If You Only Knew
After being married to the same person for almost 36 years I thought I knew my husband. Turns out everything I thought about my husband was all wrong. All these years I really thought he loved me and now I really believe that he never really loved me. With each day that passes without him holding me, touching me and just loving me I feel like I am falling out of love with him. I am still alive and I have basic needs he no longer cares about and it is killing me. I feel so alone anymore. I spend so many nights by myself locked in the bedroom crying just because he won't hold me. Why? I am still attractive and I still love to have fun. He has developed a lot of health issues which most he could have avoided at least for some years if he would have listened to the doctors. He is stubborn and decided he was going to live his life the way he wanted and now he is in such bad shape that life is no longer fun for either of us. A person can never know how lonely it is be lonely in a marriage, unless they have experienced it themselves. To have a husband who doesn't even want to talk to you anymore. I was always more like a trophy to him, something to show off to his friends and now he has no friends. So I guess there is no real need for me now but he will not let me go. I feel like I am being swallowed by a giant black hole and I am losing myself. I am so tired of crying. I want to be hugged, kissed, and have someone to make love to me again. I want to live my life again. Time moves too fast and I am missing out on so much. I love my husband but I am not in love with him. If anyone else is in this same situation, I am sure you know what I am talking about.