If You Only Knew

This is so sad!

I know, only too well.

All advices given are easier said than done... Teri, I hope and pray you find a place of peace in your heart. Have you considered joining a local interest group where you can meet and spend time with people who you can share likes and hobbies with. I know it's not a huge compensation for the love of your man but you can still find great value and happiness in being around others who value and appreciate your friendship. God bless. xx

This is an interesting string. Thanks Teri for being so honest. I did like what AmericaninHongKong had to say. There is something to be said for spiritual freedom. Thank you all.

I know how you feel, due to meds and a car accident that injured my wifes spine there has been no intimacy in my marriage for 5 years. I still love her and I can`t blame her so I do understand. Damned if you do and damned if you don`t but anytime you need to vent I`m a great listener.

teri,

You say "I want to be hugged, kissed, and have someone to make love to me again."

I guess this is the resounding war cry from every single member of ILIASM. It seems such a simple demand which would bring us all such wonderful, exhilarating happiness and satisfaction. However within our marriage to room mate's existence winning the lottery is more likely!

Our partners are perfectly content not being, loved, hugged, kissed, cuddled and made love to but without these things our lives are lonely, empty, meaningless and lost in a sea of misery and despair.

So many unhappy people but with so much love and intimacy to give to a like minded soul.

Richard

Sorry, but if you continue to believe that true happiness comes from the attention that others give to you, or from physical pleasure, then you will most likely end up being sadly disappointed (as most Americans seem to be these days). The only person who can genuinely make you happy is you, by knowing that you lead a moral, productive and caring life. The physical world is fleeting by definition, as your husband's health problems demonstrate.



Try reading about Buddhism, or pick up a book by the Dalai Lama. Do you ever wonder why countries such as India are so materialistically poor but are so spiritually rich? Some of the happiest people I have ever met live in poverty in India and China. It all comes down to one's own beliefs (abandonment of the ego, non-attachment to the physical) and self perceptions.

Life is too short to throw one day away , while you waste time with someone that doesn't seem to be in love with you or life, you could be missing out on that special someone that would be the perfect partner. If you can find a way to extricate yourself, you should probably do it. Either he loves you and will try to meet your needs, or he doesn't and it wont affect him~ good luck!

Wow it is amazing to see that there are more people like me out there..I have been married for 22 yrs to what I thought was my one and only love..the only man I've ever been with intimately, just to find out in 2007 that he was having an affair with a older women. I was 41 at that time when I discovered his unfaithfulness and he confessed it like if it was nothing, He said yes I'm cheating so what? I was speechless and did not know what to say and for the first time in my life I got a panic attack, I could not breath I did not know what to do but cry and cry and cry and ask myself why? I was brought up to be a perfect wife, having children taking good care of them and the household, catering to my husbands every need not knowing that intimacy was not supposed to be lacking in our marriage, but I thought it was normal just to think that he loved me and I was sure I was 100% in love with him, too bad that by his betrayal I realized that the loving was not a mutual thing. It is too many things for me to write I wish I could but everything is so so painful that I just think I wasted my life and still wasting it next to this selfish person, he knows I"m not in love with him anymore and it is like he doesn't care. He keeps living his life like usual, he is a healthy man and in the meantime I'm dying each day as time passes, I've given up, I'm just waiting for my children to grow up, and then just wait for death as each day passes by. Is it too much to ask that all I need is for someone to hold me kiss me and tell me that everything will be ok? Oh God help me..

all my life i have been witness to women in the same situation as yours and while some made it out, many didn't, beaten down and trapped by fear. here's to hoping that you'll be successful in getting out :)

Teri, Let me tell lyou there is life to be had by those who want it and work at it. Dont be totally down and discouraged. Make some smart decisions that are for YOU not him. Let him find his own end as it seems he wants. Dont feel doomed to stay in a no win unhappy situation. Find some true friends, join some good groups and meet people. Dont let him keep you away from happiness, Dont let yourself be shamed by him to put up with h is health problem. If he deserved you he would have been a better man for years earlier, You can be happy for the rest of your life IF YOU take charge of your life. Dont delay GET started Today.

Teri, I can't begin to tell you how much want for you to find the happiness you so deserve. Your situation is very upsetting and I feel deeply for you. I do know somewhat how you are feeling. I was never in a truly abusive marriage although a few times she did strike out and hit me when she got frustrated with our discussions/arguments. I tried everything I could to diffuse her angry times but not much worked. I really did love her right up to the day she walked out and even for a while afterward. After 20+ years of marriage and two great boys she simply said "I want a change in my lifestyle and you don't fit in". She packed up and moved to a city an hour and a half away. I refused to bow to her demands to change my life and job(s) to suit her. We had a totally sexless marriage the last 4 years that we slept in the same bed I was not allowed to touch her. Then for the next two years before she moved out she slept in a seperate room. For those 6 years I had a number of opportunities for intimacy with another woman but stayed true to the end. I am now in the process of rebuilding my life and actually look forward to the challenge with a renewed energy and feeling of well being. I can only wish the same for you. If I could only be there with you I would hold you, let you rest your head on my shoulder and cry to let it out. The same thing from a good friend sure helped me. She was actually a friend I met through my wife who stuck by me when it all went to hell and has remained as a good friend. I truly do hope all the best for you and you are more than welcome to write anytime you need more words of encouragement.

FunGuy1326@yahoo.com