Need To Be Held By My Wife In Bed

Well it's Tuesday we get along in all other catagories but our sex life is not to be found.I am needing the comfort of my wife but she is not a sexual person.I don't know what to do.I have talked with her but every 6 to 8 weeks we have sex and then wait for it again.It's not like I am asking for it everyday but I would even settle for once a week
allthefrills allthefrills
41-45, M
9 Responses Aug 9, 2011

Have you read Married Man Sex Life?

I feel for you dude. My wife is much the same. In fact I've quit sleeping with her altogether simply so I can have some of my life back. I use to try so many things to get her in a mood. Everything from cleaning, taking places, going to dinner, cooking, new house, cars, pool, dog, remodeling, painting, whatever I could think of and almost never saying no hoping it would work. I did the let go out, for a walk, lets talk, I will listen and so on. I let her to stay home with the kids and raise them and run the home, all the time expressing to her that I know how difficult her job is at home and tried to support because there isn't much support in society for women that stay home with the kids these days. All this while work my butt off to provide a good life for them and all I had to do was say one wrong word, one wrong look, someone from my family call when she didn't like, anything like this, something go wrong with a child or school, or the car, whatever. That was enough to drive her out of any mood and weeks would go by with no sex. The worst thing I could do is ask her about being together. She would get so pissed I would be cut off for weeks. One time I decided to leave it all up to her and see how long she would go before saying something. 5 months passed before she noticed that we should be together, she would say she knows I need it. The only thing worse than all that was actually having sex with her. No touch, no kiss, don't look at her, her saying hurry up and things like this. So I quit altogether, why to let her have that much control over me and me still be miserable. Not long after I decided to quit I started to realize things. Why would I want this when obviously there is no love exchanged during it and she doesn't enjoy it. In fact, what is the point of having sex if the woman doesn't enjoy being with you?

I was going to say -- her holding your needs in such low regard is a massive affront to you as a husband. She has no right as your wife to treat you so badly. You really should -- and I hope you have -- told her off in an epic way. This is neglect and is divorce material.

Sorry, it sounds like you're doing your part with trying to be intimate. Are there things she likes that maybe will help her become more intimate with you? Have you tried maybe surprising her with flowers? Maybe doing unexpected chores around the house to take some of the load off her back? When my husband helps me around the house with me asking him to, I really feel great and in turn, make him want to feel great!

Make him "want" to feel great or make him feel great?

This is exactly my story only it's my husband that is content with being intimate every 6-8 weeks. I'm very sorry for you. I def feel your pain. I hope things get better.:)

I would be happy just being held and touched. I have accepted the fact of having no sex.

We are in our late 50's and are empty nesters. For the most part we are very successful. Great kids with great jobs and careers. Great home almost paid for. We have not had sex in over a year. I am a touchy feely guy and she let sme touch but nothing in return. I have recently stopped trying to be intimate, I would be thrilled if she just touched me. I am not at the point that I am living with a roomate and she is asking what is wrong. I have been telling her for a long time that without intimate and emotional connection we will not be happy. I don't want to give up what we have worked so long to accomplish but I am beginning to wonder if being alone without her and our possesions that I will be happier. Our sons are so close to us and would be devistated if we broke up. Should I resign myself to this life. FYI I am the major bread winner and will probably support her the rest of our lives. What to do? LonelyJoe1

This must really be common. I'm a touchy feely guy too. I used to tell my wife if she could just somehow touch me, anything, hold a hand, in bed just give a kiss/peck good night, anything. I used to try to hug her and she stopped that, she said I liked it too much and it might lead to something.

I am you for sure - she says its not me and has been saying it for years - I agree without the sex for a man, there is no intimacy and things start to fade - i have 3 kids that keep me busy, but being busy and being happy and satisfied are 2 different things - I too am looking for suggestions - I had an affair and that only caused alot of pain for everyone(including my kids) and don't want that again - My wife is like my buddy - only thing is i can tell my buddies anything and I can't talk to her about anything she doesn't want to hear - we have sex once every 4 months is the average - I always initiate and she always has to be buzzed - I have been thinking about swinging - maybe I don't really get her there or she finds me unattractive - maybe another man could help her and i could help myself?

I am so sorry. I;ve been in this sutuation before.<br />
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I think, when passion jumps out of the window, so does everything. I was in the same situation a few years back. We had great sex everyday, every other day, weekly, monthly, quarterly then nothing. Along with that, for some reason that I do not know of my then husband stopped taking to me. I married a virgin and just over a year he stopped having sex with me, he stopped talking to me. We were like room mates. I wanted to be intimate with him, just like before, but felt uncomfy, he made me feel unwanted. It was very awkward. I decided to "confront" him, he got mad, he started abusing me verbally. I left home. My personal opinion is that there are three basic ingredients for a successful marriage - love, passion/romance and respect. You lose one, you lose all. So there is really no point of holding on to something that's long been gone. People who love each other and get along just fine without sex are better off friends.

Great idea! But there might be a lot of jealousy...

I am in the same situation. Do you have kids or other circumstances that keep you busy or is it just a lack of interest? I have four kids and my wife is always busy, distracted or just tired. I try to be patient but you can only wait so long. I guess our needs are just different but I am not sure how to live with the needs I have. If you find away, let me know!

I hate to tell you, but you can't make those needs go away. I tried off and for 25 years. Some women apparently hate being touched. I was reading an article in a health magazine about some sort of med the dr can prescribe for you that will kill your sex drive. I've thought about it.