Lonely Military House Wife

My husband is in the military. We married the day of his bootcamp graduation in 2010. In my mind we are still newlyweds. We have sex maybe once a week. There is sometimes flirting and touching all leading up to sex before bed (our only opportunity due to his military Sched.) But more often than not no sex. No cuddling. No kissing. No sweetness. No hand holding or admiring one another. I have put on weight and I am alone most of every day. I need that bond with my husband and I get bare minimum. It hurts and I am incredibly Heart breakingly sad. Depressed at times... I just need to talk to some one. I know I should go to therapy but it jusst isn't. A possibility right now.
priscillakristina priscillakristina
3 Responses Feb 16, 2012

I am a military member myself... I can say that sometimes things at work cause distractions at home.... I have learned to manage though... I used to come home frustrated and even mad... I realized that, and managed to control it and mask it at times... Maybe that is the problem with him... But its not that there is a problem with him, is that there is a problem with both of you... When i 1st got married i was so excited... I was really excited and full of delight... I could not wait to be married... All my life i wanted a partner, someone to be intimate, a soul mate... I literally felt like a child at a candy store... But it has not been that way since day one... But, anyways, All i wanted to say is that i know how you feel because i feel that same way.... In this case, i am the military member... From my experience, the only control you have is of yourself... You can be affectionate, lovable, etc.... Let him know how you feel and what you want.... But you cant ever change him... that is his decision to make.... Be consistent in your actions, think about what you can do to improve the relationship and do it... even if he doesnt care or doesnt notice... just be consistent.... Oh, i recomment you watch the movie FIREPROOF..... Its all about making changes, sticking to them and being consistent... Good Luck....

hi my wife is excactly the same, i have slept on my own for over a year now, I get really lonely and stay out her way, she drinks a lot and gets abusive, i would really like to know what it feels like to be intimate again

That's really awful I'm sorry you endure that. my husband was drinking a lot we'd worked on that.

im sorry for what youre going through. i hope you dont plan on having kids until you square away whats going on between the two of you. it sounds like hes home, not deployed, theres no excuse for him making you feel lonely now youll have enough problems when he cant physically be there. do you try to talk to him about how you feel?

I do try to talk to him often and yes right now he is home. I should have seen this coming none of his relationships relative and non relative have been very successful. He just doesn't know what being a husband means. Here's the kicker it's funny you mention kids because he cannot wait to have a baby. I feel like such a traitor telling our personal business on a public forum but I just needed to vent sooo bad. Thank you by the way for your feedback it is comforting to not feel I'm not being overly selfish since he is a service man.

our military families sacrifice plenty by virtue of who theyre married to without sacrificing the basic personal needs that should be taken care of regardless. dont feel guilty about what youre sharing, its better and healthier than so many other things you can do. it sounds like your husband could benefit from therapy, and maybe you too, if only for a guilt free venting source. trust in yourself and your own feelings. whether or not you choose to have a kid with him, know that if things dont change in your marriage youll either be left feeling resentful of being tied to him forever or youll end up divorced with a kid. so if things have the potential to change, and they may, find out first. good luck. your husband, im sure, is a good man, maybe a good man with some troubles. you can try your best to be there for him but dont sacrifice yourself in the process. i wish you luck, clarity, and strength.

Thank you. we've been trying something new it seems to be working. We had one more big talk and he's definitely been more attentive and seems to be putting in sufficient effort. Also this may seem so corny but for the last 5 days we've been sharing 5 thi es we.each appreciate about the and or our life together. Its so cheesy but the bigger picture is that 5 different things every day becomes the challenge and encourages us to get closet do things for one another, feel good about being there for the other and feel good about ourselves. Therapy is not off the table tho for sure.