Married, Lonely And Longing For Intimacy...

I have been married for 16 years and for the past 14 years my husband busied himself mostly with boozing and his dart game. We don't communicate much, don't share much...he talks most of the time with the guys and his darter friends. Sometimes I ask that we go see movie together or have a short vacation with our son, he will say ok but it is just not happening. He will always say he's too busy and it's difficult to get leave. He committed adultery but I am still able to forgive him...but I wish that he makes some effort. He gives me money but there's is no personal touch and I am feeling bored and lonely. Maybe he doesn't love me anymore...but I think I am too old to start a new relationship but I also don't like that idea...saving my marriage and providing my son a stable environment is my top priority. But I am hating myself now...my self-esteem, self-confidence have been ruined. Please God help me...
aurelia88 aurelia88
41-45, F
6 Responses May 12, 2012

Hello, are you still in that world or have you managed to get away.

I understand

First of all..bummer and second wish you the best...<br />
I just had to comment especially after reading "im too old" and let us not forget "maybe he doesnt love me"...<br />
From breaking up happy homes let me say this.. love is there from the spouse its just twisted. From the women ive spoken to and fellow douche bag guys i know the hubby loves the wife just is bored with her possibly sexually. Most guys cheat because the offer presents itself, its fun or we have always done it just youve always looked the other way. I bet if you ever left him he would prob beg you to stay unless hes a natural jerk then yea he will be with a younger or trampier chic.<br />
By the way you are not "Old".. you can start a relationship at any age. I dont know what you look like but a chic is always hot no matter what. <br />
Wish you the best...

I actually don't feel 'old' but then I do not want to think that I am young...I don't like husbands cheating their wives and I don't like young women taking advantage of troubled marriage by seducing the husbands. These young women who have no respect for husband-wife relationship will one day become old themselves and I believe what comes around goes around...I strongly believe in traditional husband-wife relationship. I used to think that men are generally weaker than women when it comes to fighting temptation but I guess this is now completely debunked as grant66 has shared with me how he cared for his 'weak' wife. Nowadays, I am very extra-sensitive and I also extra alert whenever I meet new people, it is sometimes taking a toll on my social life. I don't easily trust anyone anymore.

I completely respect your view and its one of those agree to disagree situations. I believe in the traditional marriage wish everyone had years of bliss but situations happen just have to be strong to avoid temptation. I know i am weak and i will cheat. Perhaps karama will come and bite me one day but till that day im going to make mistakes happily.

Sorry for your marital troubles. :(

I am fine now. Thank you for responding to this thread.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but 41-45 is NOT too old to start a new relationship. At least I hope not, because that means it would be too late for me also.<br />
<br />
I just joined today, and posted my story and got 2 kind responses already. I think just checking into this site every day is going to be a big help for our sanity. It might even lead to finding someone new!

Life is too short to settle for less than great intimacy. If you could salvage your marriage for the sake of your son, all could benefit. However, your son deserves a proper father role model and you deserve a dedicated and proper lover. Why not try to confront your husband with an intervention? You have already tried to directly confront him with reality and he ignored you while getting all he wants out of marriage - so that he can spend time with his dart buddies. So, try outside help. Might be clergy, marriage counselor, trusted friend or family member that will confront him and speak for you. In my case, my wife was a closet alcoholic and drug user for ten years. It has been really hard for me to hang in there. It took getting busted on her job and going to rehab for a month - for me to get her attention and remind her that I have needs too - as the times we used to share great sex. Several days ago, she finally understood and promised to surprise me soon with time for intimacy. Am wishing a major break for you soon! For some of us, needing intimacy and great sex is as important as access to air, water and good food. I hope you'll report success soon! Good luck to you. I grieve for you and know what you are going through - doing all of the right things for family happiness, while craving adult love in return.....

Thank you for your very consoling and encouraging words. I really appreciate it. As of today everything is going great for me. I always have to remind him...I think your situation with your wife is even tougher and I admire your perseverance. Your wife is really a lucky woman!