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Married To Her For 11 Years, With Kids And Yet So Lonely

My wife has a learning disability. It didn't seem to matter early in marriage. We went places and had fun. The older we get however, and as the kids grow, I'm realizing we have little common interest other than the kids. We don't have long meaningful intimate conversations that I would love from a soulmate. I'm 39 years old and am feeling so lonely. I have a good job and she's home with kids...being sole money earner in family adds to my stress as well. But I could deal with that if I wasn't feeling so alone. Have 5 boys, the oldest being my stepson. Can't believe I feel so alone with a large family, but not having a mental soulmate is why. I really don't know what to do.
HockeyDadLonely HockeyDadLonely 36-40 5 Responses Jul 8, 2012

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I can relate. My wife and I have our own challenges (see my other story) but one thing for sure is we have not grown together. So to add insult to injury, we just dont connect on same level as we once did. I find when I am trying to share with her my stress points and/ or concerns with work, she is challenged to understand or interpret what I am feeling, so she just agrees and says, I know what you mean, but she doesnt, she has no clue, so I just let it go.

Someone below talked about the fear of when the kids are grown, then what. I can relate to that too. I am 47, and terrified that once my children move on, then what? My wife and I dont have anything left to share with each other outside of our kids. I think she knows this, but just will not acknowledge, admit or discuss. And worse of all, willnot attempt to do anything about it, in spite of my urging for years. Saddest part of all is that I am too invested (dated 7 years, married 20 years) in this marriage to leave.

Thanks for the opportunity to share my thoughts with you all

- secretly sexless/ lonely and frustrated at 47

I know exactly how you feel. Why do you think it is that you two don't converse or connect anymore? Are you too busy arguing over the day-to-day issues? Is it a personality conflict? (i think this is my issue- we're complete opposites!) Any ideas?

What sort of learning disability does your wife have? Could further learning help? Do you love her? Why did you get married?<br />
We all make mistakes. I know how it feels to be with someone who you know that is no longer right for you. We grow. We change. Look closely at your life. Think abov what you want from it. Good luck.

Thanks for you support....I definitely feel for you as well. Definitely know what you're going through and how you feel.

I feel for you. It's hard being married n alone. I try not to think about it, but I feel like a single parent, but I can't date. I so wish I had someone to talk to and do things with. I am very thankful for my kids and we do everything together. But the years fly by and I worry what am I going to do when these kids are grown. Youth wasted, their not going to want their mother over all the time. lol