Intimacy = In 2 Me See

Little bit about me. We got married in 2007 but been together since 2001. We have two kids together, and she has two more kids from other men that I have raised as my own. I work full time, in college working on counseling degree, I run an outreach that works with young adults and youth in gangs and/or on drugs, and I also counsel on the side.
I know I am not the perfect husband, but I am giving it all that I can. When my wife cheated on me with a friend/ someone I helped and brought into my home when he didn't have one, I could have left her. I stayed and worked on all the things she said I did wrong, I changed in the areas she said drove her to have an affair.
I now am the one that feels lonely; I am the one craving communication and intimacy. It is funny how I spend so much of my day listening to her, the kids, the people from my outreach and I do not have anyone I can talk to. I have tried talking with my wife, but she is the type to do the talking and when I speak she is thinking about the next thing to say. She hears me but doesn't listen to a word I say.
For a while, I was ok with satisfying the hunger for intimacy with sex. Like the sneakers ad "satisfy your hunger with a sneaker" but it is not enough anymore, I want more. I want, crave intimacy. The openness, the communication, the bonding, flirting, sharing of emotions and thoughts. Without intimacy all we have is just sex, and that is once in a blue moon.
I am looking for other people that feel the way I feel, I want to meet other people that I can talk with. Do I want to much? in todays culture should a man only want sex and be ok with just sex? "I love sex but I want more"
boss21519 boss21519
31-35, M
5 Responses Jul 11, 2012

I'm sorry. I crave the same kind of intimacy you are describing. My husband and I have sex but their is no emotional connection no sweetness just satisfying a base urge and my husband wants it daily it's a battle when I say no. I think he just wants my body and not the person I am inside it can make a person feel really awful. So I hope you find what crave do there may be hope for the rest of us

Thank you for the kind response, but no i have not found anyone that i could have that kind of intimacy with. Its amazing how many people feel that intimacy is sex and thats it.

Sorry you are experiencing this. I can relate in that I feel alone. Thankfully there has been no infidelity in my marriage...but I feel miles apart from my husband. Perhaps you can do some therapy with your wife if she is open to that. My husband is not ecstatic about avenues such as therapy & even more we have no $ to support it. But maybe your'e in a better situation than us. I hope the best for you, you deserve to have a marriage with full intimacy in everyway. Good luck and please wish me the same, it is painful to be alone and be married.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I believe I am a good wife. Not perfect, but I seriously crave affection. Sometimes I feel as though our marriage is a business. I fear God and do not want to cheat. However, I find myself curious about what it would be like to have the attention of old aquaintences. It's nice to vent, so I appreciate the opportunity.

I'm right there with you. ignored and if there is sex it's just there is no flirting, no words or acts of affection and definitely no communication. I'm just existing and craving the feeling of being wanted again. so much effort goes into getting someone and once the chase is over ..... so is everything else.

See the other note I left for you on your other story. The more I read about your wife, the clearer it becomes to me that: (a) you are, in all likelihood, a good spouse and good person overall, and (b) she is downright, flatout toxic. You need to find the courage to make a major change -- how can you live day to day if you can't trust your own family and feel a sense of partnership? Time to clean house, my friend, and do so with authority.