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Maybe It's Me

I had a conversation with my husband today that left me feeling that maybe it's not him - it's me. Maybe we've been through so much and I've been hurt by him too many times that I've become numb to him. I think I have emotionally shut down when it comes to him. This is a sad reality for me.

I feel very lonely and empty realizing this. I have small children to think about but a part of me does not want to live like this any longer. I don't want to be a single mom but I want to be happy. I don't want to live in this house with just me and my kids but I also don't want to come home and see him either. And when did sex become something on my to do list?

I want to be crazy in love with my husband. I want to kiss him passionately, hold hands, and be excited to see him. But that is not my reality. I don't even know how to get back to that point. We used to be friends, at one point, I considered him my best friend. Now, he gets information on a need to know basis because I don't think he's listening when I'm talking. Is this what happens when you have children and a career? Do you just lose touch? How do other couples make it work and seem to be happy and in love?

007love 007love 31-35, F 4 Responses Dec 9, 2012

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When you wrote "Maybe It's Me"... well... in my personal experience those words are quite true. The struggles of my first marriage showed up in my second marriage and then again now in my third marriage. I'm becoming more aware of the part that I play in the problems... but it is SOOOO difficult to change my behavior consistently, to avoid playing that same part over and over and over. The good news is that I AM making some forward progress... the bad news is that I may die before I reach the goal. :>)

I've starting seeing my therapist and even tho she hasn't said - I'm sure she's helping me get ready for my next husband. Meaning shes helping me work through my issues so I dont continue to bring them into relationships.

Good luck to you. I believe we are all a work in progress. You WILL get it right!

I am real new at this..but I am a 52 year old divorced male...shy, and lonely...if anybody gets this message text me 325-242-0253..thanks

You tend to lose touch when there's been a communications breakdown. It almost sounds like the breakdown took place on both ends. I don't know if there is an easy way to get back to the point of the two of you being best friends without both of you going to therapy to get counseling. Another thing is for the two of you to sit down and have an honest heart to heart, face to face discussion to try to get to the root of the communications breakdown.

To be honest I don't think I want to make it work. I think I'm tired of trying to make it work. We have been in counceling on / off in our marriage. It works for awhile and then we're back to stage 1. He really isn't the man for me. I got married in my 20's and now in my 30's my criteria has changed. We didn't grow together unfortunately. However, with small kids who adore their kids it's not so easy on my soul to file.

So now the question becomes, what are your options? No matter what path you choose, you're faced with a difficult road ahead.

First step - make appointment with therapist. Check :)

Honey, If you get the answer please let me know... my husband is a musician and his career, i.e.the many performances and studio time keeps him away from home. we too have small children I am pregnant now and just found out he has groupies sending him pics on his phone and sadly for me he is entertaining it. we have been together now for 7 years...I think I am where you're at.

I am sad to hear that Mrs Shine I know it could not have been easy for you to view what you found. We have so much on our plates with the children, home and in some cases, our careers, that it seems we simply can't be everything to them.