The Outcome Of Being Married And On A Dating Site

I started seeing my wife fading. She started to sleep on the couch every night and had a migraine almost every weekend. Money was being spent and bills weren't getting paid. I started to talk and tried to make sense of it all but it seemed that we were always fighting. I could tell she wasn't happy and I started to question what was going on. At first I thought it was depression and I tried to get her help but she didn't take it seriously at first. I really was beginning to feel that I marriage was coming to a end and I wanted to know what to do. I don't have any resources as far as friends etc and counseling was not a option. So I took to a dating website to see if I could find people like me that really wasn't wanting any more than to help each other understand this whole thing. I put my profile as married with out a name and clear idea of what I was looking for. Nothing happened then I got caught looking to see any activity. It got ugly and I deleted the account. She never even seen the profile so has no idea how sincere I was about just looking for help

I screwed up and I know it. I wish she could see my true intentions but it just looks bad either way unless you know me. I've been known to take strange measures to resolve a crisis and I though this would work. The CIA couldn't pull of a affair and I knew I couldn't either . Wish she could see my pain to before I did this now it just sits in shambles. So if you've been there and I don't mean wanting to cheat or need more on this feel free to reply. I was trying to save it and it's not looking good so don't anybody go my route if you do,pack first and expect the worst
Semperfried Semperfried
31-35, M
1 Response Dec 24, 2012

I have been there, but from the other side. When I was 22 My ex-wife joined the Navy. at first it was tolerable. I could work some. but the more involved she became in her work the less she would talk to me. the lines of communication were breaking apart. I started to withdraw. first from society, then friends, then family. she was overwhelmed.I was embarrassed. I wanted to tell her so much about how I was feeling. When I asked her if I could talk to her about my feelings she would reply thats something you need to see a doctor about. I started to feel very alone, even with my wife right next to me. she had no longer respected my feelings and desires. she was receiving poor advice from troubled people. honesty, then integrity soon fell victim. I was loosing my self and eventually I lost my wife. after seven years of marriage, she left. the best advice is to be honest about what you are feeling, about what you are doing. regardless about how you expect the situation to turn out. she is suppose to be the one you can be most honest with. tell her what you expect out this. ask her what she expects of you. and don't entirely trust the advice of other people, because their intentions may be influenced by their own problems and bad experiences, therefor they may not have your best interest in mind. my divorce was very messy and after two years I'm not sure I ever get passed the heartache. Honesty is the best policy. the truth may be hard to hear but a lie is hard to live. hope you get something from this.

I did and thanks. I'm pretty much on my own. The truth is hard but I've learned how to control my emotions. Being a foster kid and seeing the things I've seen has helped me but there comes a time when that's not enough. Seeing your side its pretty much the same in weird way. I was told to see a doctor to. It's been burned in mind that if she can't handle me at my worst then she shouldn't take all the glory for me being at my best. I know she's just not up to it anymore which is sad but the fight isn't worth it anymore if she can't see what even made me consider the idea of what I did. Even if she was to say ok I forgive you I don't think it would change on her end. It just don't make sense. As men were taught to be the strong and women the backbone. When the hard times come it seems like we're sitting there expected to pick up the pieces and they have no worries but when we break down no body wants to fix it. I don't understand it anymore than you might. I'm to old for this. Being thirty four isn't really that old either but the road I've traveled has made me weary. I'm sure if it comes down to it I will broken as well but that's the least of my fears. To try and find someone wouldn't be easy these days. I'm not even up for it. To much drama would rather just be happy with the lives I've created and maybe go baking to my childhood of cheetahs and pornn. Sounds bad but after all this and it being the holidays, I'm starting to like food more than people. Thanks again for the advice