The Emotional Cold Shoulder

We've been married 13 years now... and we have a good life, kids, marriage, friends, etc. When we first got married, we quickly had a baby, and her mom was sick for 2 years with cancer... so our newlywed period of time was kind of truncated. Then we moved into the next phase -- my wife was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes -- which was a real shock to her (she's otherwise very very healthy). ... the combination of the stresses of kids, both of us working 40+ hour jobs, management of her diabetes, and the loss she associated with losing her mom at a young age has really put a toll on our marriage.

We go through periods of time where we just occasionally have time to be intimate with one another. And when I say intimate -- I don't just mean sex -- I mean actually spending time close to one another (and sitting on the couch watching tv doesn't count!).

I often feel like sex is perfunctory or that she's doing something that she expects me to enjoy, and she's knocking off something on her "to do" list. For her to be intimate in any way --- and this is both in and out of the sexual realm -- she has to have her anxiety under control. To be fair, this summer we were without the kids for about 1 week, and she was an entirely different person... almost too much of a different person.

This Christmas season (and I'll start it in late November) was especially difficult. We were literally running nonstop from November through Christmas. We both had/battled some virus that went through the area, we were both overcommitted to friends, volunteer organizations, work, and family... and then took a week between Christmas and New Years to step away from work and take a trip to our family cabin to spend the week with friends. One morning as we lay there getting ready to wake up, I held her and told her that I understood that this past month had been difficult for her, and tried to get her to open up. Nothing doing.

And you know... that was the nadir of it for me. I felt like an absolute outsider in my own marriage. And now we're diving back into it -- we're both back at work, the kids start music lessons back up, the next few weekends are packed with activities, and I feel absolutely alone, and I know that she's feeling alone as well. It is truly heartbreaking.
decman decman
36-40, M
1 Response Jan 2, 2013

story is not finish..hang on there, touch and stay connected....and see the future in10 years time!