Just Keep Going On

Maybe my story doesn't sound so bad but I think it is eating me alive. I married a man who has many good qualities. We have been married 30 years and I have been very lonely for most of them. He is. Just very simple you might say or childlike. I so crave an adult to share my thoughts and problems and trials with. I have spent my life just appeasing him and handling every problem before he finds out about it so I don't have to hear him rant and rave and blame like a 10 yr old He is very critical and judge mental of most people and thinks he is perfect. Others don't see it because he acts fine to their face. He isn't mean. My nieces nephews love him to death. He just acts like either my father by telling me everything I do wrong or my child by just not ever handling any of the important things in life like an adult. He loves me in the best way he can but is so simple that I also know that I could have been anybody as long as I agreed to have his children and take care of the house and life. It could be worse I guess but I would so love to have a partner in life. Too late now after 30 yrs and all the family ties who would get divorced at this point seems like most people I know end up not much better off after divorce anyway. You just trade one set of problems for another. Ill just muddle through the rest of my life, take anti depressants and stay lonely, cry myself to sleep some nights and get my companionship in little unfulfilling snipets with a girlfriend here or a sister or guy friend there and hope I don't die of loneliness or substance abuse in the meantime