I Am Married to a Bipolar Man
My husband and I were high school sweethearts; each other's first love. After high school, we broke up and had very different lives. I always just wanted "normal." You know, husband, kids normal happy life. He started partying as soon as we broke up. He was 17. Even back then, he was known to be "moody." But we were kids, thought nothing of it. We loved each other so much and we were in and out of each other's lives throughout adulthood. I had my "normal" for a while untill my ex decided he was missing out on life (women) and we divorced. My current husband went on to become a drug addict. He stopped using 5 years ago amazingly after all that time. However, he replaced the drugs with alcohol. He was to the brink of death when we touched base with each other again, this time, he decided it was time to change his life and finally be with each other (if I was willing to stick by him through alcohol withdrawl and take this on). After much discussion, we made the leap. He was living out of state at the time. He moved in with me, we immediately took him to detox. That was a year and a half ago, and he hasn't drank since. We were so prepared for the physical problems he had. They all (for the most part) cleared up the longer he didn't drink. About a year after sobriety, we were hit with something. We didn't know what. We never fought before, but we had started fighting frequently. Then I noticed a pattern. About every 2 weeks, we would have a huge fight, then he would give me the silent treatment for 3 days. Then it became more often. Until finally his dr. said she suspected he was bipolar. Probably always had been and self-medicating all these years. Hence, the "moodiness" when we were kids. He started seeing a psychiatrist, was diagnosed as Bipolar and the meds rituals started. This came AFTER a 3 day stay in the psych ward because he knew something was wrong and wanted help. Two weeks ago, his meds were switched to lithium and celexa. This seemed to be working. Except that she also gave him klonopin for anxiety. He's and ADDICT. She gave him that for a month, the next month on his visit to her, he said they weren't working. They weren't working alright...they were having the opposite effect on him...making him wound up and high...he loved it. So in typical addict fashion, he lied to the psych, she increased his doseage AND gave him 92 pills. I tried to limit his daily intake to what was prescribed which is impossible with an addict. He took all 92 over the course of 8 days! I thought he was in a mania phase made worse by the klonopin. He ended up on the e.r. over the weekend with withdrawl so bad, the dr. said he was highly likely to have a fatal seizure. He came home today, on his 45th birthday. We have already been in a fight. While he was in the hospital, I finally exhaled and slept like a baby. Except for the constant texting. This man that used to be my protector, treated me literally like a queen, loved me immensely, now makes me feel like I'm losing my mind. Everything is my fault, he's very verbally abusive, nice to everyone but me, says cruel things to me with no emotion what so ever. Seems to not have a clue why I'm withdrawn. Sweet to evil in seconds, I'm the world to him, then he wants a divorce. It's hell. I am beyond devastated and very depressed. I did set up a counseling session just for me in a few days; maybe it will help. After all, he doesn't need counseling because "HE'S fine." He's cruel is what he is. When he rages, he says things like "You need therapy and meds, you're crazy!" He is very belittling. He flirts a lot, then says MY jealousy is tearing this marriage apart. He doesn't flirt...again...I must be crazy he says. I'm starting to think if I don't get out, I may really become crazy. I waited 28 years for THIS?? I'm torn between just walking away and seeing if he will start therapy back and the meds may help. He says he will start therapy again...but he is ever-changing on every issue in life. Will the husband I married only 8 months ago ever return? I've seen glimpses...then he's gone again. Yesterday, while he was still in the hospital, he text me and said to enjoy the nice day and take a breather, do something for me because I deserved it and told me how much he loved me. Today he's talking divorce. There's zero security in a bipolar relationship. I know I have to be the one to make this decision. But reading everyone's stories on here is supportive. I waited until he was sober almost a year before I would marry him; just wanted to make sure he was going to do it. Well, he did it...and unveiled a monster. I'm so hurt.
By:
braindrained
Age:
46-50
