I Waited 28 Years For This??

My husband and I were high school sweethearts; each other's first love. After high school, we broke up and had very different lives. I always just wanted "normal." You know, husband, kids normal happy life. He started partying as soon as we broke up. He was 17. Even back then, he was known to be "moody." But we were kids, thought nothing of it. We loved each other so much and we were in and out of each other's lives throughout adulthood. I had my "normal" for a while untill my ex decided he was missing out on life (women) and we divorced. My current husband went on to become a drug addict. He stopped using 5 years ago amazingly after all that time. However, he replaced the drugs with alcohol. He was to the brink of death when we touched base with each other again, this time, he decided it was time to change his life and finally be with each other (if I was willing to stick by him through alcohol withdrawl and take this on). After much discussion, we made the leap. He was living out of state at the time. He moved in with me, we immediately took him to detox. That was a year and a half ago, and he hasn't drank since. We were so prepared for the physical problems he had. They all (for the most part) cleared up the longer he didn't drink. About a year after sobriety, we were hit with something. We didn't know what. We never fought before, but we had started fighting frequently. Then I noticed a pattern. About every 2 weeks, we would have a huge fight, then he would give me the silent treatment for 3 days. Then it became more often. Until finally his dr. said she suspected he was bipolar. Probably always had been and self-medicating all these years. Hence, the "moodiness" when we were kids. He started seeing a psychiatrist, was diagnosed as Bipolar and the meds rituals started. This came AFTER a 3 day stay in the psych ward because he knew something was wrong and wanted help. Two weeks ago, his meds were switched to lithium and celexa. This seemed to be working. Except that she also gave him klonopin for anxiety. He's and ADDICT. She gave him that for a month, the next month on his visit to her, he said they weren't working. They weren't working alright...they were having the opposite effect on him...making him wound up and high...he loved it. So in typical addict fashion, he lied to the psych, she increased his doseage AND gave him 92 pills. I tried to limit his daily intake to what was prescribed which is impossible with an addict. He took all 92 over the course of 8 days! I thought he was in a mania phase made worse by the klonopin. He ended up on the e.r. over the weekend with withdrawl so bad, the dr. said he was highly likely to have a fatal seizure. He came home today, on his 45th birthday. We have already been in a fight. While he was in the hospital, I finally exhaled and slept like a baby. Except for the constant texting. This man that used to be my protector, treated me literally like a queen, loved me immensely, now makes me feel like I'm losing my mind. Everything is my fault, he's very verbally abusive, nice to everyone but me, says cruel things to me with no emotion what so ever. Seems to not have a clue why I'm withdrawn. Sweet to evil in seconds, I'm the world to him, then he wants a divorce. It's hell. I am beyond devastated and very depressed. I did set up a counseling session just for me in a few days; maybe it will help. After all, he doesn't need counseling because "HE'S fine." He's cruel is what he is. When he rages, he says things like "You need therapy and meds, you're crazy!" He is very belittling. He flirts a lot, then says MY jealousy is tearing this marriage apart. He doesn't flirt...again...I must be crazy he says. I'm starting to think if I don't get out, I may really become crazy. I waited 28 years for THIS?? I'm torn between just walking away and seeing if he will start therapy back and the meds may help. He says he will start therapy again...but he is ever-changing on every issue in life. Will the husband I married only 8 months ago ever return? I've seen glimpses...then he's gone again. Yesterday, while he was still in the hospital, he text me and said to enjoy the nice day and take a breather, do something for me because I deserved it and told me how much he loved me. Today he's talking divorce. There's zero security in a bipolar relationship. I know I have to be the one to make this decision. But reading everyone's stories on here is supportive. I waited until he was sober almost a year before I would marry him; just wanted to make sure he was going to do it. Well, he did it...and unveiled a monster. I'm so hurt.
braindrained braindrained
4 Responses Oct 8, 2012

I think it would be helpful to stay with him if and only if he recognizes that he is an addict and he has irrational behavior. Then, at least he is showing that he needs help. When my husband goes into a manic state, he yells all kinds of things at me, that he's divorcing me, that I need therapy, that I'm crazy and I'm cheating,etc.. then he gives me the silent treatment for two days and then he says he's sorry. it's a roller coaster. The highs are really high and the lows are LOW BLOWS. Don't forget it's your life too, so don't loose yourself. I'm trying to understand the disorder and create tools to cope for the time being. Good luck.

Exactly they turn everything around on the other person making them feel crazy when you know you are right and they are wrong but it never matters when you cry they let you suffer the turn around days later apologizing or saying I didn't lie because I'm telling you now. I've spent 8 years of my life being spun in a tornado of I love yous, leave and I'm sorry come back. Feels good to read these comments I'm not alone dealing with a person I held on loving so long that hurts me so much now dealing with a custody battle from him shooting her favorite doll Infront our daughter while drinking abusing pills again which traumatized her

Your husband sounds exactly like my ex-boyfriend who is bipolar too, except he's not taking meds which as you can imagine it's even worse. He was like the sweetest guy i've ever met, treated me so right and even asked me to marry him but when we decided to live together it was a nightmare from then on... He was emotionally and physically abusive, everything was my fault, i was the crazy one who according to him needed professional help even when all his friends and family were starting to push him away because he was being an *sshole to everyone. The only time i was able to stop the fighting for 2 weeks was when i stopped snapping back and just let him b*tch about whatever he wanted and for a person like who doesnt tolerate abuse in any kind of way it was a hard task! He lied, cheated, made up things in his had and believed them!

Yes i went a little crazy while i was with him, he made me believe it was all my fault and i was the one who had alot of changing to do but not anymore because now i realize he was dragging me down along with him.

Now there's no marriage, i dropped out of school to move to another country to be with him for nothing and he already found a girl online who he hasnt even met but says he loves her and will change for her and whenever he contacts me hes a total monster and says he never told me he loved me which is a huge lie... and the worst part is that i still love him how stupid is that?

I dated a bipolar Guy and he cheated and lied constantly and he was good at it...I believed everything he said..then one day he would want to be with me...next day he wouldn't...he was a total basket case and was making me crazy...I had to end it and I no longer speak to him....I put up with that for a year! Worst year of my life

I dated a bipolar Guy and he cheated and lied constantly and he was good at it...I believed everything he said..then one day he would want to be with me...next day he wouldn't...he was a total basket case and was making me crazy...I had to end it and I no longer speak to him....I put up with that for a year! Worst year of my life